my boyfriend is confused about his sexuality.

[Spree]

well recently my boyfriend has been dealing with alot of homophobic remarks and dealing with very religious telling him to break up with me and repent and the problem is me and him at the moment live two states away form each other and its hard to comfort him over the wed and in the times where not talking he's having to deal with more people telling him being with another man is wrong and stuff and its getting to him it scares me cause he almost killed himself over it anyway im asking you guys cause i don't know what to do anymore and any advise is good.

[palbert]

It sounds very much like he needs counseling to help him through this time. You can help from a distance but he really needs closer support and guidance.

He might consider signing up with Empty Closets, a support forum. https://emptyclosets.com.

Everyone wonders who they are, but not everyone is brave enough to seek the answer. Empty Closets is a place where you can figure out who you are, surrounded by other people just like you. Whether you're gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, curious, unsure or a friend of someone who is, Empty Closets will help you find the answer. We welcome new members of all ages from 13 upwards.

Empty Closets offers a forum where you can join in with a wide range of discussions or start your own, a chat room, useful articles and links. Members can also create their own galleries and blogs.

Note that you must be approved for Full Member status before you have access to the Chat Room. As a regular member you will have access to all the public forums and be able to view and create albums and blogs. You may not however comment on them, and you will only be able to send private messages to Advisors, Experts, Moderators and Administrators. The above restrictions are removed once you become a Full Member.

The Trevor Project at 866 4U TREVOR. It's a 24-hour, national help line for gay and questioning teens. You can learn more about The Trevor Project at their website: http://www.thetrevorproject.org.

As you know, the sooner he seeks help the better.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

We all go through our own struggles with 'stuff' in life.

You are doing what anyone can do, and that is be a sounding board, to be there when he needs someone to talk to.

You cannot change how he feels, he cannot change how others feel. You can change how you feel and he can change how he feels. Understanding that in the heart gives people the ability to accept those things they cannot change - e.g. he accepts he cannot change the views of those who opposed to homosexuality.

And gives one the ability to change those things which one can: He can change how he feels about those that do not accept him e.g. let it go and stop trying to hurt himself.

He is not in this situation forever. I take it he is around your age, thus nearly an adult (legally) thus the opportunity to move out, away and make is own life is going to manifest.

He needs to learn patience - and I fear that only through having our patience tried do we learn patience.

Any place he goes to on the net is basically going to be about helpless people trying to say basically the same thing I just wrote. None of us can offer him a 'get out from under the parents roof free card'.

[reaper]

The entire religious assault is so stupid and annoying. How parents could shame their kids or disown them in some cases based on a "belief" is beyond illogical.

Stay strong and support him the best you can.

You can only change the things you can change....and you can't change other people.

[Virge]

When you boil it down the things you've listed are all pretty common. No matter how you try to look at things it all boils down to these are things your BF is going to have to deal with no matter what.

The best thing you can do is be supportive and that doesn't mean trying to tell him what to do and pressuring him to do it. It means showing patience while he works things out for himself.

[LJay]

Agreed, Virge.

the distance is difficult for sure, but maybe it has some value. He needs to deal with this stuff himself and to his own satisfaction. You should encourage him to be safe and to look for help, but you can't live his life for him. Things can get pretty neurotic if your relationship turns into some sort of retreat for the sole purpose of resisting the naysayers.