My journey...

[reaper]

So I'm in my upper 30's. I'm a former Marine and have an alpha blue collar job. I've always considered myself straight although I knew something was missing. I've been with a few women, but have been celibate for quite a while now. I really make no effort to meet women and as I get older I'm sure it draws some attention. A few months back a seed was planted....or maybe it was already planted but I allowed it to get a bit of sunlight....

My aunt, who is really more like a close sister, is only a few years older than me. We were talking one night about my cousin taking a girlfriend. (My cousin is female) When she did this I was the first one in the family she came out to. As expected, I told her it was no big deal.

My aunt, who is almost a female version of me, asked me why she chose me to come out to. I thought I knew where this was going so I re-directed the conversation. But I was wrong. She was opening the door to tell me that she was also in a same sex relationship.

Then, of course, the conversation came back to me. I knew she was delicately asking me about myself. I asked her if she thought I was gay. She said, "I think if we lived in a society where their were no social downside or judgements that maybe you'd be open to it."

I told her that may be true but I was really unsure of it.

Anyway, since then I've done some soul searching and do know that I'm attracted to guys. In a way I've always known this but explained it to myself with various explanations.

I'm also into some kinky stuff, bondage to be specific.

A few weeks ago I decided to break out of my comfort zone and decided to explore it all. I went to a gay bondage club. I was quite nervous about the entire thing. I took me a few minutes to build up the will to walk inside. Then I got moving, I walked down a hall leading to the entrance....a gay flag hung down the wall. It made me laugh inside. Then I went in...it was the real deal.

I didn't do anything that night. I just observed (a lot of people don't actually get involved in the actual play) I've been back a few times and do partake. (not sex, but it is sexual)

It's bad enough I have an odd fetish, but now adding homosexuality into the mix, why me, lol.

But all that aside, I'm not sure how to explain this, but I almost feel like I'm gay by default. What I mean is, I know I'm not attracted to women and that I do find me attractive, but as far as sex. I'm not sure anal sounds good to me, even with chicks I never had that interest. So I'm into dudes, but not into gay sex?!

It doesn't even make sense to me. Do all gay dudes do this? Do some guys just do oral and call it a day?

So far I've told no one about any of this. The fetish stuff is off the table completely, that I'll take to the grave, but I will probably tell others (some others) that I've drifted into a gray area here. Right now I don't see an immediate need, but that could change.

What's most important is that I'm cool with this. Because I'm older it really isn't a big deal to me. I'm just me, I've always been a bit of an oddball anyway so my ability to shock is limited.

Well, that's about it. If someone could answer the few questions I asked I'd appreciate it. I could ask some guys at my club, but after being bound to a table and whipped it's kind of a hard transition.

[LJay]

Well, if you are gay, that's OK. There are lots of people who wonder about their sexuality but are not comfortable doing anything about it becaue they are isolated. You seem to be at an age where you are comfortable being more independent and exploring on your own. That's OK, too. You will never be happy if you do not allow yourself to be yourself.

As for the "odd fetish," it really isn't. There are lots of people who see their sexuality in that way. While you may not find them on every street corner, there are still enough to make that club a working enterprise, aren't there? And there are certainly others who do not go to clubs.

Be yourself. Be safe and respectful of others. Live a good life. Nothing wrong with any of it.

[Miles]

I'm also into some kinky stuff, bondage to be specific. [...]

So far I've told no one about any of this. The fetish stuff is off the table completely, that I'll take to the grave

Really the kinky stuff you mentioned isn't that weird or uncommon. I'd go so far to call it vanilla compared to some of the mind-shatteringly weird shit some people are into.

But all that aside, I'm not sure how to explain this, but I almost feel like I'm gay by default. What I mean is, I know I'm not attracted to women and that I do find me attractive, but as far as sex. I'm not sure anal sounds good to me, even with chicks I never had that interest. So I'm into dudes, but not into gay sex?!

You're a gay dude if you're into other dudes. What else you do with them is just a matter of different flavoring.

Do all gay dudes do ______?

No.

Do some guys just do oral and call it a day?

Yes.

What's most important is that I'm cool with this. Because I'm older it really isn't a big deal to me. I'm just me, I've always been a bit of an oddball anyway so my ability to shock is limited.

Good. That attitude makes life a lot easier. Good luck with your new-found Gay

[CellarDweller]

reaper, congrats on your coming out.

as for anal, that's not all there is to sex, and there are plenty of relationships where that doesn't come into play.

as for your fetish, it's not that odd at all.

[MikeW]

Holly crap, dude, is that really your body! :eek: Man you are ripping hot!

Not sure how many people need to tell you you're fine being and doing what feels right to you. I don't do anal unless there is a real rapport with my partner.

If you ever find yourself seeing someone outside of a group situation like a club, someone you're interested in and feel you can trust, you might want to explore anal play. You may find you really don't like it. Then again, you might be surprised. I'm just suggesting you don't totally lock that door. Under the right circumstances, with the right guy, it might work out better than you think. On the other hand it may be you're just not into it -- and that's fine too.

Welcome to GS, thanks for sharing your story. Don't be a stranger! Come back and tell us how your explorations are turning out for you!

Mike

[Camfer]

Welcome reaper! You'll find a couple of marines on here, one gay, one straight.

[Borg69]

I'm curious if the bondage is some kind of way of allowing sexual stuff with guys to happen "against your will", psychologically leaving you guilt free because you (technically) had no control over it? A loop hole to allow things to happen that you're not yet consciously ready to admit you want?

I have known closeted and religious guy's like this before... whom felt guilt free being "forced".

Lots of guys are oral/hands only. Anal isn't a requirement.

[reaper]

I'm curious if the bondage is some kind of way of allowing sexual stuff with guys to happen "against your will", psychologically leaving you guilt free because you (technically) had no control over it? A loop hole to allow things to happen that you're not yet consciously ready to admit you want?

I have known closeted and religious guy's like this before... whom felt guilt free being "forced".

Lots of guys are oral/hands only. Anal isn't a requirement.

That's interesting, but I don't think it's the case with me personally. I was into this stuff prior to my recent exploration and did this kind of play with women.

The club meets weekly on Sunday nights...which I have just returned from. Tonight I played with the same guy I have in the previous 2x I've been there. This time was the first time I was actually naked. It ended with some hand action which didn't happen in the other times since I was in boxer briefs.

We talked for quite a while before we got into stuff which is cool. He knows all about how I got where I'm at and I know his story.

It sounds a bit crazy (I told him this as well) but that place has been really helpful to me in a lot of ways. It makes all of this not seem as strange as it might on my own.

And thanks everyone for the welcome!

[Virge]

Welcome reaper! You'll find a couple of marines on here, one gay, one straight.

OORAH!

Thanks for the intro Camfer... hahahaha!

Down to business.....

As much noise as I've made about tagging Labelson other people's sexuality I'd think people would be more cautious about doing it.

As I've said before the only reason I tag myself as "gay" is to avoid the three hour discussion of how fucked up the conventional two dimensional concept of sexuality from hetero to bi to gay really is.

[SIZE="5"]Reaper...
get away from the damned label issues and just "be yourself." Take a look at this prehistoric 1950s concept of LABELS for human sexual orientation that nearly everyone is obsessed with. It's totally wrong. For sexual orientation to be this two dimensional is ridiculous. If this was true then sexual orientation would be the least complex aspect of individual human personality.[/SIZE]

Here's a link to a test by a well known and credible psychologist. you can take that will help you better understand your sexual identity in multiple dimensions. Just answer the questions honestly and you'll get a chart along with explanations of how to interpret it.

I've never really identified myself as "gay." I don't fit in the bisexual or heterosexual labels either. I'm find women attractive only in the physical sense and cannot relate to them on an emotional level. There's no less than 100 books on the differences between the emotions and psychology of men and women. I went in the marines at 18 because I got more out of the bonding with my own gender than with women. I never expected to meet a guy 5 days before my 20th birthday that I'd still be with today but he meets all my emotional and intellectual needs of a partner and that rates higher than meaningless sex with women I can't relate to. Sex with him is about 1,000 times better than any woman I was ever with anyway.

As for the bondage thingie you have going on.... hahahahhaha! NO BIG DEAL. it's GREAT no matter if you're the one in control or the one giving control away. It's a trust thing for us. The one not in control is trusting the other with responsibility for all the pleasure for us both. It can be a power/domination thing which is majorly pleasurable too.

I hope you stick around. I live with the other marine Camfer was talking about... totally "straight" but totally wide open about his sexuality -- My best friend since Parris Island in 05 -- through Afghanistan twice -- now my business partner. He introduced me to my Man in 06 so he's closer than family to us.

Also --- I am trying to spread the word about how to achieve Male Multiple Orgasms to every guy I meet. For some reason we've been finding that guys with military backgrounds are the ones who are most interested and willing to explore something that turns sex into completely new experience.... like up to the 20th power.

Hope to see more of ya here!

[reaper]

OORAH!

Thanks for the intro Camfer... hahahaha!

Down to business.....

As much noise as I've made about tagging Labelson other people's sexuality I'd think people would be more cautious about doing it.

As I've said before the only reason I tag myself as "gay" is to avoid the three hour discussion of how fucked up the conventional two dimensional concept of sexuality from hetero to bi to gay really is.

[SIZE="5"]Reaper...
get away from the damned label issues and just "be yourself." prehistoric 1950s concept of LABELS for human sexual orientation that nearly everyone is obsessed with. It's totally wrong. For sexual orientation to be this two dimensional is ridiculous. If this was true then sexual orientation would be the least complex aspect of individual human personality.[/SIZE]

I've never really identified myself as "gay." I don't fit in the bisexual or heterosexual labels either. I'm find women attractive only in the physical sense and cannot relate to them on an emotional level. There's no less than 100 books on the differences between the emotions and psychology of men and women. I went in the marines at 18 because I got more out of the bonding with my own gender than with women. I never expected to meet a guy 5 days before my 20th birthday that I'd still be with today but he meets all my emotional and intellectual needs of a partner and that rates higher than meaningless sex with women I can't relate to. Sex with him is about 1,000 times better than any woman I was ever with anyway.

As for the bondage thingie you have going on.... hahahahhaha! NO BIG DEAL. it's GREAT no matter if you're the one in control or the one giving control away. It's a trust thing for us. The one not in control is trusting the other with responsibility for all the pleasure for us both. It can be a power/domination thing which is majorly pleasurable too.

I hope you stick around. I live with the other marine Camfer was talking about... totally "straight" but totally wide open about his sexuality -- My best friend since Parris Island in 05 -- through Afghanistan twice -- now my business partner. He introduced me to my Man in 06 so he's closer than family to us.

Also --- I am trying to spread the word about how to achieve ] to every guy I meet. For some reason we've been finding that guys with military backgrounds are the ones who are most interested and willing to explore something that turns sex into completely new experience.... like up to the 20th power.

Hope to see more of ya here!

Thanks for the post. I don't really like using "labels" myself and when I tell some people, which I probably will soon, i wouldn't use gay or bi or anything of that nature. I did use some in my post to oversimplify something that's not simple at all for the sake of explaining my situation. When I tell my aunt and mother, the first 2 and maybe only 2 in the short term, I would most likely say that I'm not 100% straight. (ironically I have to use a label to avoid a label)

I took the test and it said ambisexual.

I feel a lot like you in some of the things you said. I've always been able to connect and relate to guys in a much easier way then women. Even when I watched straight porn, I was more focused on how good the dude looks then the chick, lol. That should have been a sign I suppose.

With the bondage stuff, I am always the bottom. I would have gotten a bit involved with the dude I play with when he was the bottom with another guy there, but I didn't get the chance. A little payback biting, lol.