His Mom is Awful Person

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Shades of Norman Bates in Psycho... right?

As usual, you come up with some really interesting goods, Bowyn... Thanks.

Hmm.. we all go a little mad sometimes... :biggrin:

Well I was actually trying to point out that if she is dependent on one person with no one else around, she is going to get a bit more desperate.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Motherhood is more than just biology, it also requires love, affection, respect...

If the woman that gave birth to you is abusive and manipulative, the only reasonable thing to do is to leave her alone.

Rule #1: Keep good company, avoid bad people ( incl. Mom, if that's the case).

I didn't learn I couldn't have a normal healthy relationship with my mother intellectually until I was around age 16. I didn't feel that, or understand it in my heart until after my demise in 1994 (age 28). For that 12 year period I went back and forth going to her trying to get that approval, love, pride and other stuff that she was unable to give me. And alcohol and drugs and all sort of wild and crazy and fun adventures...

And my mother was a diagnosed psychopath (amongst other interesting things) and I knew it. Still didn't stop me from tilting at that windmill and try to have 'normalcy' with her. Most people who have an not so functional relationship with their parent(s) tend to tilt at that windmill way too much.

This kid may know intellectually he can't win with his mother, but its going to take a catalyst moment, a Eureka Moment for him to understand it in his heart.

And if he is a relatively healthy person, its going to be hard for him to shut that door and walk away, let alone turn on his mother and cause her harm. even if she deserves it, its not going to be easy.

Society makes it clear that we are to love and respect our parents and take care of them in their old age and lots of other stuff. Even those of us who have insane parents that are really unhealthy for us feel tremendous guilt if we don't live up to the expected norms of what offspring is supposed to do for our parents.

It may not be wholly biological, but its a pressure that exists and its not really easy for anyone to get over it and walk away.

You did - great. But it seems to me you got anger under your belt to motivate you. From what I hear here the kid doesn't have anger under his belt and apparently is struggling to be a 'good son' to his mother.

He may know intellectually her problems are too big for him - but feeling that takes time - and sadly there is no short cut but to run through the experience and reach a point when ______________(fill in the blank with what ever motivation) happens and he decides to make changes about the situation.

[MisterLove]

I'm glad you guys mentioned Hitchcock's Psycho. It's not just a great horror movie, it is actually a magnificent essay on child abuse. I believe the writer was also abused by his own mother and the script was probably a way to release all the negativity he was carrying inside him. My favorite line is 'I don't hate her, I hate what she's become'. So true! I never hated my mother and I want to help her but I'm not a masochist either.

[MisterLove]

[...] essay on child abuse. [...]

Most children who are abused will later in life become abusers themselves - another thing the movie got right.