hi
I am btm. My bf wants to bb me. I have known him 3 weeks and we have had a lot of sex. he says if i love him i will let him bb me. I dont really love him if I am honest. but i do want to bb, he says he is neg but wont take a test. I dont know what to do....
thanks for reading
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Tyler, you already know what a sensible person is going to answer... If you need reinforcement of your resolve, you have two choices.
One : stand your ground, insist firmly that he gets tested first and then you still have to wait three weeks (don't you? - someone will confirm) before you can consider it safe to give yourself to him without protection. He ought to understand. ...
Two : Find a new boyfriend, someone who doesn't put that kind of pressure on you. It's not fair to put your life and safety on the line. Which loving partner would insist on putting you through that much anxiety?
There is an option here which is to accompany him to the testing clinic, maybe he needs someone to hold his hand. What does he have to lose if he isn't sure how clean his results will come out? ... In one case, he'll know he's clean. In the other, he can get a course of treatment rapidly, which is better than wasting away, not knowing.
For me, his insistance is just plain bullying, or emotional blackmail, and you shouldn't have to put up with that. Tell him that's how you feel, he won't like to be called a bully, I bet. Maybe he doesn't realise he's behaving that way. Let him know.
P.S. I lost my brother to AIDS, I don't wish that on anyone, even if, today, courses of treatment are available and offer better chances of survival, you don't want to be strapped with that kind of life. You mentioned that you'd had a lot of sex already, so my inkling is that he's been doing it for a while, maybe not just with you.
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Don't joke with your health. And it sounds like he's using you. This "if you love me you'll let me" is a clear manipulation. 3 weeks is not enough to claim love. Dump him, he doesn't care about you.
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1. Known 3 weeks
2. Love not really involved
3. Won't take an HIV screening
Recipe for danger. "If you love me" is the oldest line in the manipulator's book.
What you do is NOT BB without protection. Always play safe.
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I am someone who has barebacked pretty much my whole life BUT if I was young today...wouldn't happen....
Do NOT bareback with this guy under any circumstances.....
When someone asks you to risk your life if you "love them" and then refuses to even take a test (not that a test would even matter)...I would just bow out of the relationship....
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I have 3 advices for you to consider...
1. DON'T DO IT.
2. DON'T DO IT.
3. DON'T DO IT.
Follow any ONE you choose of the above. If you're conflicted, pick two.
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What you SHOULD say to him is, "If you REALLY loved me you would NOT ask me to have bareback sex with you." I mean, you could say, "If you loved me, you would rob a bank for me," right? Or, "If you loved me, you'd have unprotected sex in a bathhouse with every man there for the entire weekend," RIGHT?
This guy's trying to play a VERY dangerous game with you!
NOW, go get a full battery of STD tests - because if he's pushing to bareback you, he's barebacked every other guy he's used that line on!
MOVE ON!
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I AM SPEECHES! ONE HAVE GOT TO BE OUT OF THEIR MINDS TO EVEN THINK ABOUT DOING IT.
The only time I had done BB was when I was in a stabled monogamous and long term relationship. We did not bb until three years into the relationship. So as I Look back now the breaking up with my ex was and still is one of the things I regret most in my life. Unfortunately towards the end of our relationship he became emotionally unbearable to live with.
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Capricorn
