What to do???

[reaper]

Hey everyone,

I'm new here as you can see by my post count. I mentioned some stuff in another thread but I'll mention some it again....

So I've never hooked up with a guy at this point although I've always known, on some level, that I'm more attracted to guys then girls.

I recently took an honest look within and decided I'd explore some of this.

I also have a bondage fetish and have explored this with a few women, dominatrixes, in the past.

The urge to engage in this kind of play with a guy became an interest of mine when I decided to be more open minded in my sexuality.

Well I found a way to make this happen. I found a male bondage club and have been going to the weekly meetings now for the last 4 weeks. I always play with the same guy who is a regular part of the club. (He doesn't work there, but he's part of the club)

We have a developing friendship, and I'm also friendly with another regular there who plays with the same guy. They are friends and they have a sexual relationship. They aren't a couple or anything, but more like friends with benefits.

We (me and the guy I play with) are pretty open about things and talk quite a bit, not just the bondage thing.

In no way am i looking for a relationship with him, he's much younger than me and I'm sure neither of us would have any interest in that. But their is an attraction. He's a sexual guy and never been monomagamous. (I to lazy to find the right spelling)

I'm wondering if it would be wise to explore a more vanilla type of experience with him. As I said, I never hooked up with a guy and I'm not even sure what I'd be willing to do. But he knows my story and we do have some sort of connection.

Would this be a good way for me move forward and explore. I'm not looking for a serious relationship. I'm not really young, I'm not really out, and I've never done anything with anyone of the same sex.

If I decided to go this route I'd take more time and see how things play out. But I think if I asked he'd be willing.

This seed is already planted in my mind...when this happens I tend to follow it.

Does this seem like a good idea? I feel like it is.

[palbert]

This seems like a perfect opportunity for experience and growth. I would go for it.

(I am biased. I met the love of my life at an BDS&M club.)

[AlohaShannon]

I'm sure you'll get plenty of "go for it" comments as well as "don't do it". But it all comes down to what you feel comfortable with and what you feel is right. If you have any trepidation, or you have a "gut feeling" that it isn't a good idea, then pause, take a step back, and reevaluate. We all have to start somewhere, and the fact that you share something in common with a guy that you're interested in seems like as good of place as any to start. For me though, it all comes down to "trust your gut".

[Camfer]

I think there's an opportunity for you. It sounds like you've developed some trust with the guy. First, you should figure out what you want to do with him and where. The good news is that people from the BDSM community are probably the best at talking about setting a scene, setting its limits, and staying within the defined boundaries. Negotiating vanilla sex should be super easy. Be up front that it's your first and you might back out early or at any time.

Then make sure you are fully informed about safer sex. Condoms are essential for any anal play. Perhaps not relevant depending on how vanilla your vanilla desires are. Talk to your guy about it regardless.

Then if you really feel like it's going to be worthwhile for you and the guy agreed to it, set a date and get together. If at any time you feel like it's more than you can handle, just stop. You have no obligation to proceed further.

With enough communication before, during, and after, there's a good chance this will be a good experience for you.

If you get to enough posts you can PM guys on here. So head over to the word games and get enough posts that you can PM whomever you trust on here to talk through it all. There's a lot of great guys on here.

[reaper]

I think there's an opportunity for you. It sounds like you've developed some trust with the guy. First, you should figure out what you want to do with him and where. The good news is that people from the BDSM community are probably the best at talking about setting a scene, setting its limits, and staying within the defined boundaries. Negotiating vanilla sex should be super easy. Be up front that it's your first and you might back out early or at any time.

Then make sure you are fully informed about safer sex. Condoms are essential for any anal play. Perhaps not relevant depending on how vanilla your vanilla desires are. Talk to your guy about it regardless.

Then if you really feel like it's going to be worthwhile for you and the guy agreed to it, set a date and get together. If at any time you feel like it's more than you can handle, just stop. You have no obligation to proceed further.

With enough communication before, during, and after, there's a good chance this will be a good experience for you.

If you get to enough posts you can PM guys on here. So head over to the word games and get enough posts that you can PM whomever you trust on here to talk through it all. There's a lot of great guys on here.

Thanks man, and it's funny you should mention the safe sex thing. I wanted to ask but decided not to. Not that I'm thinking of going that far, but any anal play would be done with a condom for sure. But outside of that, like oral, do people use condoms for that? I certainly never have with chicks.

[East]

When I was 21...I remember that the couples who were BDSM that I saw/met from behind the bar in the gay club I worked in had this amazing calmness and serenity about them..and they had a wonderful connection rarely seen anywhere else...I will never forget it. I didn't know much about anything but I recognized the deep connection they had quite easily...I rarely took my eyes off of them. they made quite an impression on me and I felt like protecting/shielding them from any kind of criticism or hate. They were like an elixer of sorts for me (I am an empath...too much work to explain)...

I knew I wanted what they had or nothing at all but I couldn't see me in a BDSM relationship at all and I was kind of sad about it. Eventually I found that I was very comfortable in a Dominant/Submissive relationship which is in the same family as both partners are equals despite what the image suggests.....and it was everything I had hoped I could find...it even healed me.....30 years now and I am as happy as I could have ever imagined being....

I found my way here by paying attention to my gut...and my instincts....and being true to myself.

So...I think if you feel inclined to explore this and it is something that you want to do...go with it. I think being true to yourself is the key to just about everything that matters and if you are drawn to this kind of sexuality it is probably a door you should walk through.....

Good Luck to you!

[MikeW]

Does this seem like a good idea? I feel like it is.

I think that right there is your answer. If there is some reason you shouldn't take this opportunity to explore, you haven't given us a clue about it.

[Virge]

What's your ordeal, marine? Sounds to me like you're skeered. Hahahhahaha!

Stop trying to analyze the whole thing to hell and back. Just jump in and let it happen. Think on your feet. Nothing you are trying to plan out now has any relationship to what will happen.

[LEANDRONJ]

The only way for sure if it will work for you is to just try it! if it doesn't work then so beat it, there is your answer; no reason to feel guilty about it. The only thing you must be aware of, even if you are sure you are not at risk, is to ALWAYS....ALWAYS:

WEAR A CONDOM,

DO NOT SWALLOW ANY BODILY FLUIDS,

DON'T COME IN CONTACT WITH SOMEONE'S BLOOD,

GET TO KNOW YOUR BDS&M BUDDY VERY WELL!!

And one more thing! just because something feels right it doesn't always guarantee it will turn out alright, or may even be the right thing for you! just saying.

[reaper]

What's your ordeal, marine? Sounds to me like you're skeered. Hahahhahaha!

Stop trying to analyze the whole thing to hell and back. Just jump in and let it happen. Think on your feet. Nothing you are trying to plan out now has any relationship to what will happen.

I won't lie, I am a little skeered, lol. But this isn't a wall I can't climb. I was nervous when I went their the first time. I'd never even been in a regular gay bar, let alone a gay bondage club. But I put that aside and did it anyway.

I do analyze things to much usually, but I'm being pretty good so far with this. I like this place... and the owner, and the 2 regulars have really welcomed me.

It's new territory to me on all fronts and I don't want to ruin a good thing.

When the tone is right I will discuss this possible hook up with this dude. Last week we were having a conversation that I felt was dancing around this issue, but in a very light way.

Besides being a bit nervous about the hook up itself, their is one issue, or potential issue that will make or break the entire scenario.

Even though this guy is open sexually, he has sex with the other dude at the club that I am also friendly with but not as much as him. I'm not sure if this will create any negative feelings.

Yeah, the guy sees other people, and goes on dates...but that's not in the club. It's not in front of the other dude in "their" world.

I don't know if this would be an issue or not, I'll find out. If it is, I wouldn't want to purse it. I wouldn't feel right doing anything that would cause friction.

Hopefully this isn't the case. I don't feel it would be, but I don't really know them well enough to make that call.