What to do???

[princealbertofb]

You're really fit, Reaper... very hot. Anyway, good luck with pursuing your new interest... I think there is potential growth in there... (and I don't mean your appendage only).

[reaper]

I don't see why not as long as you're following the SSC. It applies to more than just BDSM, yeah? And in this case, is something you really should keep into account. (ie: condoms, etc. You may not be a spring chicken, but are you really ready to die for this experience?)

Since you're not really out, and you're not looking for something long term, your play buddy sounds like a good option. Especially if he feels the same considering no strings, et al.

I don't know if you're topping or bottoming in these interactions, but I would suggest you make -sure- they wouldn't develop an attachment (or you won't) if it goes there. Often, those into BDSM, and especially D/s, the sex can be especially intense. It can cause an almost "addiction/obsession" like response in some.

Good luck!

((and yup.... I agree with borg. Very nice av.))

None of the play involves actual sex. Hand action is as far as it goes. If we do hook up I'm not really sure exactly how far it would go. I'm not looking to go the distance (anal) since I've done nothing to date. And if that were to ever take that route condoms would be a must. Otherwise it would be off the table.

In regards to oral, what's the general rule of thumb? I've had several bj's by women in the past and never used anything, and I would have thought it was odd if a girl wanted one for that. Sex or anal it seems like common sense, but for bj's?

I feel dumb for asking this but this is new territory for me.

[MikeW]

None of the play involves actual sex. Hand action is as far as it goes. If we do hook up I'm not really sure exactly how far it would go. I'm not looking to go the distance (anal) since I've done nothing to date. And if that were to ever take that route condoms would be a must. Otherwise it would be off the table.

In regards to oral, what's the general rule of thumb? I've had several bj's by women in the past and never used anything, and I would have thought it was odd if a girl wanted one for that. Sex or anal it seems like common sense, but for bj's?

I feel dumb for asking this but this is new territory for me.

You're not sure "how far it would go?" Well, don't let it go anywhere you don't feel comfortable going. This is why you have the conversation first. "I'm willing to try 'this', I'm willing to try 'that', but not 'the other' at this time." As you get into it, be aware of your feelings (and your sensations, of course). It is alright to stop someone. It is alright to give direction ('this feels good, that doesn't,' or 'do it this way not that way.') It is alright to ask questions. It is alright to change and experiment. It is alright to say, "I'll try this at this time, I may try the other thing another time." IOW, it can (and should) be up to you to say how far and how fast you go anywhere.

Also, this may sound odd, I don't know, but frankly I think a bit of humor is ok, too. Sex can be serious and intense, it can also be fun -- as in exciting and playful. Personally, I get turned on when someone I'm with is obviously having a good time -- enjoying whatever we're doing -- which can be 'hot' and can even be a bit humorous or silly.

As for condoms with oral. I lived for four years with an HIV+ man and we did not use condoms for oral. I remain negative. He did not cum in my mouth and even if he had I wouldn't have swallowed.

Others will give their opinions but as I understand it the virus does not survive well outside of optimal conditions (warm bodily fluids such as blood and semen). Usually the saliva kills it, even swallowing it is highly unlikely to lead to seroconversion. What you do not want is to get it into your bloodstream which can occur through wounds and through anal intercourse. Here is a web page that talks more about oral sex and HIV transmission.

[reaper]

You're not sure "how far it would go?" Well, don't let it go anywhere you don't feel comfortable going. This is why you have the conversation first. "I'm willing to try 'this', I'm willing to try 'that', but not 'the other' at this time." As you get into it, be aware of your feelings (and your sensations, of course). It is alright to stop someone. It is alright to give direction ('this feels good, that doesn't,' or 'do it this way not that way.') It is alright to ask questions. It is alright to change and experiment. It is alright to say, "I'll try this at this time, I may try the other thing another time." IOW, it can (and should) be up to you to say how far and how fast you go anywhere.

Also, this may sound odd, I don't know, but frankly I think a bit of humor is ok, too. Sex can be serious and intense, it can also be fun -- as in exciting and playful. Personally, I get turned on when someone I'm with is obviously having a good time -- enjoying whatever we're doing -- which can be 'hot' and can even be a bit humorous or silly.

As for condoms with oral. I lived for four years with an HIV+ man and we did not use condoms for oral. I remain negative. He did not cum in my mouth and even if he had I wouldn't have swallowed.

Others will give their opinions but as I understand it the virus does not survive well outside of optimal conditions (warm bodily fluids such as blood and semen). Usually the saliva kills it, even swallowing it is highly unlikely to lead to seroconversion. What you do not want is to get it into your bloodstream which can occur through wounds and through anal intercourse. Here is a web page that talks more about oral sex and HIV transmission.

Thanks man, I was fairly sure oral would be ok, and if that were to happen swallowing wouldn't be taking place...a heads up would be even better, lol.

If we were to mess around in any way it would be discussed. I've told him things I didn't want to take place during scenes and he always listens. He also asks if this or that is ok prior to our play when I do something new. So that wouldn't be a concern.

In a few days I'll see him and if the situation seems right I'll discuss some of this. If not somewhere down the road when the time is right we'll talk.

Last week the situation and discussion were perfect to bring this up. Only after did i start to entertain the idea.

No matter how it plays out I'll always remember this. It'll be my first same sex hook up, or same sex rejection, lol.

I'll be fine either way!

[MikeW]

It'll be my first same sex hook up, or same sex rejection, lol.

I can't imagine anyone in their right mind ever rejecting you.

[reaper]

I can't imagine anyone in their right mind ever rejecting you.

Lol, I wish that was always the case!

[MikeW]

Lol, I wish that was always the case!

Then clearly they were INSANE!

[Borg69]

Then clearly they were INSANE!

I agree... wtf were they thinking!?!? Reaper tied and helpless??? Yeah baby!

[reaper]

I have some pictures from the club. (not personal pictures, pictures taken by the club) that are public. They contain no nudity and faces are marked out, the website name of the club in on the pictures. I'm not saying that I didn't read the rules from top to bottom....but would those pics be a "yah" or a "nay" on here?

[MikeW]

I have some pictures from the club. (not personal pictures, pictures taken by the club) that are public. They contain no nudity and faces are marked out, the website name of the club in on the pictures. I'm not saying that I didn't read the rules from top to bottom....but would those pics be a "yah" or a "nay" on here?

Umm, well so long as there are no erections or penetration -- obvious sex -- I don't see why there would be any objection.

LOL ETA: What I want to see are more pix of your hot bod!!