What to do???

[LJay]

I say go for lemon and honey. Vanilla is great, too, but why not be adventurous.

[reaper]

Met for bondage night and had all the opportunity but didn't ask about vanilla.

Hmmm.

You need to ponder this question and answer it for yourself (really I don't need to know the answer).

Do you see vanilla sex as 'making love'?

If so it may mean you see vanilla or 'making love' as being a bit more special and something you would reserve for a close companion, or a lover/partner.

If this is the case then you are just making a strong line between 'just sex' and 'intimacy' based on the type of activity you do.

It may be wise to stick to this line. From what I am reading this guy is in a partnership with another fella thus most likely isn't going to be able to meet those other emotional needs that you may have from a guy who you have vanilla or make love with.

You pretty much already know that love,romance and marriage is out of the question here, or mostly out of the question. So putting your heart out there is an unwise choice.

It is not an uncommon thing for guys in the leather community/BDSM community to reserve 'making love' for just their partners and still remain wide open for exploring other sexual activities (aka Kink) with other guys. Its one of those emotional barriers that allow such things as open relationships to proceed in a healthy, non-hurtful manner.


Another aspect here is you said earlier:

"It'll be my first same sex hook up, or same sex rejection, lol. "

Rejection appears to be something you have some concern about, I wonder if you would take it more personally to be rejected for vanilla sex than to say being tied down and used to satisfy a guys lust.

Vanilla being a bit more intimate and associated with the whole 'love making' thing can have a different impact on the significance to you on what it would mean if a guy rejects you for this more intimate sort of offer.

Did that make sense?

In all honesty I would like for you to consider saving 'vanilla' activities for another guy, someone who is more special to you someone that you can connect with closer.

You are after all going to a sex club which the purpose is 'just sex'. Yeah you can meet a lot of cool guys, have friendships and possibly even meet a guy to form something more with. But this doesn't sound like the guy. He has already made a commitment with someone else.

When I say vanilla I don't mean making love. I think of it as having some sort of relationship outside of club. The play doesn't involve sex, but it is sexual.

He does have a sexual relationship with another guy there, but it's more like friends that hook up. He sees and dates other people as well.

We talk quite a bit and do have a developing friendship. We have connected in a way outside of the bondage scene.

When I say vanilla here I see it can mean a wide range of things. Here, I'm not really looking for or seeking any kind of serious relationship. This is all new territory for me and I'm really just beginning to explore it. The bondage club was really a way for me to kill 2 birds with 1 stone. It allows me to partake in the kind of Kink I enjoy, and it's a setting that allows me to try it with guys.

The guy I play with, and it's always the same guy, is a pretty sexual guy and not in, or interested in, a monogamous relationship. We were having a somewhat deep conversation when he mentioned the relationship with the other guy (although I was already aware of it) He said he was friends with him and they were sexual, but not intimate. (in the context of the overall conversation it made sense). He also goes on dates with other guys.

As I mentioned, I'm really just beginning to explore all of this and in no way am looking to jump into anything serious.

This guy and I do have a developing friendship and some kind of connection unrelated to the bondage play. I know his deal and am not looking to change it or him. I'm cool with it.

We've shared a lot about ourselves to each other. Im Certainly not in love with him, but I do like him and am fairly sure the feeling is mutual.

Specially, I'm thinking about hanging out outside the club as friends or casually dating in an open kind of way.

I'm really comfortable with him and I'm attracted to him as well. For someone looking to casually explore new areas of his sexuality this seems to be a good fit. I think he would take all of this as a compliment as well. Knowing that I'd want to do this with him

I don't mean sex exactly, sexual things obviously, but what and when is still up in the air. It's a bit premature to plan that level of detail at this point.

As for the rejection, I don't like it of course, but I don't fear it. It's just part of life. The only good opportunity I had to bring this up was right in the beginning of the night. 5 minutes into a conversation after not seeing him for a week didn't feel like a good time. "How was your week? So would you like to hook up?" Lol.

I had every intention of talking to him when we were ready to go, but a friend I didn't know was there
I also don't know what their relationship is. Even if he's really open, that kind of discussion in front of him would be rude.

[ShiftyNJ]

I gotta say this is something I know NOTHING about but I had to read the entire thread and now I can't wait to hear what happens next.

The idea that your same-sex exploration is has started out in this setting, and the thoughtful, eyes-open way you're going about it, is very neat.

I hope it works out you and look forward to reading more.

[reaper]

I gotta say this is something I know NOTHING about but I had to read the entire thread and now I can't wait to hear what happens next.

The idea that your same-sex exploration is has started out in this setting, and the thoughtful, eyes-open way you're going about it, is very neat.

I hope it works out you and look forward to reading more.

Thanks man. That comment really made me laugh.

I suppose the route I've chosen to take here is not the typical one, lol.

I'll have some new pics later today and Sunday night I'm sure the saga will continue...

I'm also quite curious about what happens next as well. I'll try to set some things in motion, but life unfolds as it unfolds.

[reaper]

A few new pics from my last visit...



I topped when the situation changed a bit...I also edged him....to completion, lol.

[ShiftyNJ]

A few new pics from my last visit...


I topped when the situation changed a bit...I also edged him....to completion, lol.

Wow you're kinda halfway there, then. Was that your first time getting another guy off?

[reaper]

Wow you're kinda halfway there, then. Was that your first time getting another guy off?

It was actually. He's done this to me a twice, but I don't really top. The other guy had me go up and help him, so I did.

It was a lot of fun. I'm not crazy about the public aspect of it all, but everything comes with a price, lol.

Then I got some paper towels and wiped the jizz off of him, being he was all tied up.

Seemed like the thing to do, lol.

[ShiftyNJ]

It was actually. He's done this to me a twice, but I don't really top. The other guy had me go up and help him, so I did.

It was a lot of fun. I'm not crazy about the public aspect of it all, but everything comes with a price, lol.

Then I got some paper towels and wiped the jizz off of him, being he was all tied up.

Seemed like the thing to do, lol.

LOL what a gent. For me the public aspect would probably be a bigger turn-on than the bondage or spanking, but everybody's different.

[reaper]

LOL what a gent. For me the public aspect would probably be a bigger turn-on than the bondage or spanking, but everybody's different.

LOL, I'm certainly getting more comfortable with it. The first time I played I had pants on, then next time underwear, then the last 2x naked.

Because I'm the new guy a lot of people seem to watch. When I'm bottom I'm blindfolded so it's easy to lose focus on the fact that you have an audience. When you top you're aware that everyone is standing there looking.

[ShiftyNJ]

LOL, I'm certainly getting more comfortable with it. The first time I played I had pants on, then next time underwear, then the last 2x naked.

Because I'm the new guy a lot of people seem to watch. When I'm bottom I'm blindfolded so it's easy to lose focus on the fact that you have an audience. When you top you're aware that everyone is standing there looking.

Um, I've seen your avatar. That's not the only reason, although the other two in the pics are nothing to sneeze at either.