Life Issues

[DawnArmy]

Hi everyone,

I'm not sure why I'm posting this. Right now I am in decently good mood. Before I started going to gym, I always felt depressed. My family and relatives always saw me as a liveless and unenergetic being. It's just getting a little better recently. But there still are times that I would feel so down.

Uhm... I think I will need some advices on my life issues.


School

Ever since I first learned how to write an essay back in Vietnam, I knew that it was not my thing. In fact, I pretty much always got under average scores for all the writing I did. Yet I still mysteriously graduated high school.

After graduating, I thought I finally got away with writng, but the nightmare came back when I went to college. Two years ago, In my ESL 33B (the final level of ESL, English as Secondary Language), I failed hard. I dropped the class eventhough I know that it would leave me an "F" in my record. The instructor even said that "You never care anything about your surrounding. I bet that you don't even read news in your native language.". It really got me down because she saw through my very core nature. History, economics, politics; What are they? I don't care any of them?

As if that weren't bad enough, I got myself another "F" in my very next semester. It's basic Chinese language. I was thinking about that statement, how my nature would affect my ability to study. I felt my life in the future so bleak that I stopped going to class in the middle of semester, without considering any consequence. In the end, two "F(s)".

Only after one year, I recovered from that depression and decided to go back to school for a certificate (In order to get a college degree, I need to pass a certain level of English). The same thing happened again. Whenever there was a writing, I struggled to do it.

And after another one year trying to stick with classes, I finally call it quit. One year to recover + one year to stay. I have just dropped my recent class with a "W".


Career Choice

The reason I keep going to school is because I want a job that I don't have to worry about money issue. But over the course of working a minimum wage job, I realize that there are lots of issues in life like career disastisfaction, keeping your skills up-to-date, etc. So either way, I am not completely safe from stress.

But if I don't go to school, what kind of career I am going to be? My mother suggests to learn CNC or carpenter. When I says maybe carpenter, she seems to be a little bit upset and starts lecturing me how inferior it is comparing to CNC, how CNC gets better job opportunities, how its wage is higher, how I could work even in another country with it. All that really demotivates me, and now I don't even know I want to do with my life.

She doesn't mean any harm to me. It is because I am naive, indecisive, and unable to sustain myself that she worries me too much. Come to think of it, I never had to work during my childhood. All I ever did was studying. Once I hit middle school, my schedule was like Mon-Sat, morning? school, afternoon? school, evening? school. The more I studied, the more I felt stupid. Now I don't even remember what I have learned from back then.


Love and Friendship

Though painful love is, it actually encourages me to be a better person. I fell hard for one guy in my work place. Well he is straight (or at least that what I think he is straight; or he is really straight, but I am denying reality and hoping that there is a slight chance he is gay). I thought that if I just kept silient and endured the pain, eventually I would get over him. Yet several months have passed, my feeling still clings toward him. There are days that I feel pathetic. I want to let him know that I like him so much. Even if his answer is a rejection, that would be enough to set me free. But I don't have any courage.

Since we can't be partners, I think at least we could be friends. But I don't know how to approach him as a friend. It is tough to act around him while trying to hide my feeling. We never talked with each other much. I don't know if we share any same hobby. We were raised in different cultures. He grew up in US while I did in Vietnam. Just touching his head already got him angry.

With all those differences, I don't know if I could maintain the friendship if we ever be friends. Is it worth confessing and becoming friends with him again?


The Closet

I'm not sure if this affect me in any way. I have a loving family, but I'm not out to them. There are only a few friends that know I'm gay. Sometimes I feel the need to let them know, sometimes not. I never fear that they would find out, but I really don't have the courage to come out to them.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Actually a Journey man carpenter or a Master Carpenter can pull down the big bucks. And depending on what area of carpentry you get into you can set yourself for life, or even become you own boss.

Framing Carpentry (stud wall carpentry) is boring, and mediocre pay. Cabinet Carpenters, and furniture carpenters can become 'artists' and make money hand over fist.

How do I know, I have done carpentry off and on for most of my adult life. Technically I'm a 'master carpenter'. Shh don't tell anyone I have a reputation of being a shiftless, long haired hippy to live up too .

Ah yes. Life sucks. something most people figure out during their 20's. They also figure out how to make life suck less in many areas and how to be content with the sucky parts (That's the next decade for you)

Courage - the most courageous people are scared to death. Courage isn't about not having fear, it means doing something no matter how afraid you are.

[CuriousPhoenix]

Going to a technical school is not bad. Some job training they offer there can set you up in a career that is better than anything you could have gotten through college. It all depends on what you want to do. College usually gives you desk jobs, while technical schools can get you jobs where you use your hands. Once again, it all depends on what you like to do. No job is ever perfect, end of story. The right education can allow you to get that almost perfect job. There are jobs which don't require you to write, but reading your post, it seems that you can write fine.

Finding some one to spend your life with is hard and complex. You'll hear stories where it took someone years to find the love of their life. Where they went through many bad relationships to get to the end. You'll also hear of stories about them meeting up young and falling madly in love. Take it slow with forming your friendship. Start with small talk and eventually the friendship will blossom. Discuss the differences in your cultures with him. That could take a while and be interesting for both.

[Steve]

It's good that you've started to exercise. Any good therapist will tell you that physical fitness, even just walking everyday, is a useful tool to combat depression.

School... I could tell you that you're just not applying youself, but then I'd be no better than that teacher who made those remarks to you. Maybe she did tell you a truth about yourself, but certainly what she said isn't the whole truth. Not everyone is cut out to be the same thing in this life. I know people who make better money working in carpentry, plumbing, and electrical jobs than others who have spent years in college. Many college graduates can't even find work. Yet there is almost always work for tradesmen.

Career choices are tough to call, even for those people who think they know exactly what they want to do in life from a very young age. I knew a guy who got his masters degree in horticulture, minoring in business, and hated them both when he graduated. After working jobs he hated, he finally just went out and found something he actually enjoyed doing.

I would consider a trades, or technical school first. These schools have councilors to help point you in a direction, toward learning one or more skills that you believe you might like, or feel you would be good at. At that point, when you're working toward the goal of learning your future craft, you should start to think about a career path. Other students and teachers may have ideas for future careers as well. Network with people already in the field you decide to work. But don't put the cart before the horse; find something you'd like to do, whether in trades or back to college (third time's a charm they say), and make that the priority. You can learn what you need to learn if you want it badly enough. After that you can start to think about a career plan for life.

As for love, stop brooding away over straight guys. If you like a guy, go talk to him and find out if he's interested in other guys. If he is, ask him out for coffee, or dinner. If he's straight, be a friend to him if you can, but be realistic and know friendship's all you're going to get out of a straight guy. If you like him a lot and all you can be is his friend, do both of you a favor and make it a great friendship.

Get your head out of that rut that tells you you're stuck on only this one guy. Gay men equal possible love. Straight men (and women) equal potential friends. Keep that in mind. If you have any doubts about knowing whether or not a guy is gay, ask him. Communication is a good thing. It keeps us from wasting time. Time is the most precious thing any of us have to give.

What was the last one... Ok, just looked. You are almost one big toe out of the closet. Stop worrying about it. You said yourself that sometimes you think you should tell them and sometimes you're afraid they will find out, but that you don't have the courage to do it yet. So wait. Start thinking in terms of how you might want to tell them, or listen to other gay people's experiences about coming out and learn from them. You don't have to be brave today. I will tell you though, you have to start learning to be brave, because even for straight people life is often tough. Sooner or later your parents will probably find out the truth. You need to ask yourself whether you want to be the one who tells them, the one who can help them understand the most they possibly can about you, or do you want them to hear it from someone else who may or may not have your best interests in mind. You don't have to tell them today. But maybe soon, huh?
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[LJay]

It is hard to say that you are bad at writing after you have written such a long and detailed post. It is not perfect writing, but it is a LOT better than much of what I read online. If I were you, I would look for a writing tutor who will help you to work from the writing you have done, such as the above post, to work on the craft of expressing yourself. You are off to a good start, even if you do not think so.

Depression is one of the most difficult things to face in life. Light exercise, eating well and doing things with others can help a great deal. You should also find a good therapist to talk things through. It might even be a grandparent or uncle or older friend to start.

Woodwork is not always a menial living. It can involve a great deal of skill and art. If this field does not interest, just keep looking. Perhaps you could even go to you state employment agency and simply tell them that you are not looking for a job yet but that you need help in deciding what you would like to do. They can help.

If school is difficult for you, there are reasons. Try to find out why you have a hard time rather than just worrying about grades.

You are obviously a smart guy. good luck with working on the future. I hope you will keep us all posted.

[DawnArmy]

Thanks everyone, I feel much better now.

Technical school! Hm... Apparently, I heard this type of school before but forgot about it. I think I'll try it.

I have been thinking about my life recently. I am still young and want to have fun, but every old one that I know keeps telling me to go to school and find better job (I am working a minimum wage job). I interpret that advice as I don't have much time left, I need to go to college, college is the only way to success.

Anyway, I think I will have some fun while as the same time look for what I want to do, and be worry-free.

Thanks again, everyone.