How to get rid of......

[Camfer]

hahahaha Hey Virge it would be great to get a motion activated video camera to go with your motion activated sprinklers. Then invite the JWs over and post the video on here!!!

2 years ago I bought a pair of motion sensor sprinklers to keep night browsing deer out of my veggie patch. The deer learned fast but my water loving labs discovered them and thought they were at Disneyworld. They flattened my entire veggie patch in one afternoon.

I moved the sprinklers to the drive as a joke to get people when they drove up. The first victims were Jehoovers. All I caught was the the end of mad dash and screams. They learned faster than the deer.

here's the sprinklers in case anyone's interested. I found out you can get cheaper knock offs through Amazon but I'm happy with mine. https://www.safehomeproducts.com/shp2/sh...estcontrol

[MikeW]

Wow Mike, I never knew how powerful you were as a baby!

No, no… I was 12 years old (Southern Baptist). The story is, all the 12yos in the church who "gave themselves to Christ" got baptized on the same day, Easter Sunday. I'd gone along with this tradition, albeit reluctantly. The idea of getting dunked in the glass enclosed baptismal before the whole congregation just didn't appeal all that much, TBH.

However, when that fateful day came, I had the missals. SO… it was some weeks later when a *special* evening service baptismal was to be held JUST FOR ME! At that time me and the folks lived in town (we still kept the farm) and lived just a few blocks from the church. We'd gone to Sunday School and morning Sunday service. Afterward I was playing around it the back yard and I looked up to see this thick black smoke rolling over my head. Curious what that could be about, I hoped on my bike and followed the smoke to its source. There it was, the church on fire! By this time others had noticed and the fire siren on the water tower in the vacant lot across from the church was screaming. But by the time the fire dept got there (my older brother was a volunteer), it was too late. The whole church went up, complete with the steeple falling into the naive amidst billowing black smoke, fire and brimstone kinda stuff, don't cha know!

I was quite used to talking with God on a regular basis. The message He sent to me was quite clear: "This Is Not Your Path!!" I think He was a bit concerned since I'd been carrying a red-letter New Testament around with me for several years by this point. Anyway, I said, "Yeah, but Lord, you didn't have to burn the church down to tell me that! I'm NOT *dense*!!"

[ShiftyNJ]

And you'll live happily, happily, literally, ever after!!!

If he's bringing that accordion, I'm not going. How many choruses of "Lady of Spain" can we be expected to endure?

[MikeW]

If he's bringing that accordion, I'm not going. How many choruses of "Lady of Spain" can we be expected to endure?

It is, indeed, this idea of "living happily ever-after" that kind of worried me as a kid. I mean, what could be more BORING than that, right? Yeah, for sure, a paradisiacal vacation would be nice for a while … but ETERNITY?! Yikes. *AND* so far as I could make out, NOBODY ever had sex… I mean, no need, right? So… yeah, one man's heaven is another man's hell, I guess.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

All you need is the right tools for the job.

[gilhooly]

You guys are antisocial. I moved into my senior building and was warned the Witnesses come on Tuesday morning. I smile at my Tai chi coach who is straight and annoying.

Helen and Phyllis come on Tuesday. I invite them in. I have put an old leg harness on. I tell them I am afraid to go up and down the small ladder in my kitchen. I tell them the kitchen looks ugly with old paint.

They smile and start to paint. Two hours later I say Praise Jesus, my kitchen looks like new. The Witnesses leave.

The following Tuesday they return. I smile at them in the hallway. I tell them I could use some help washing and waxing my apartment. They smile back and come in. They go to work like good Christians should do. Fortunately, they can't see my laptop screen, I watch gay porn while they clean and wax my floors.

My Tai chi coach tells me I look great with tight jeans and a nice flat tummy. "I bet you get a lot of sex from the horny old women in this building." "I do alright!" The women who come to exercise class bring meatballs, deviled eggs and sweet potato pie to cheer me up. I grin a lot at old women. I am the best looking old guy in this building.

On the third Tuesday, I meet the Witnesses, Phyllis and Helen, out front. I have 2 very large comforters to wash. I hobble to them with my foot harness on. I tell them I have $8 in quarters and wonder if that will cover cleaning. The laundromat is a mile away. They volunteer to drive there and get my items washed. Twi hours later, they drive back with clean laundry. They tell it cost $11 for the 2 items. I smile and tell them I have no money right now. I will give them the $3 I owe them next Tuesday.

On the fourth Tuesday, they tell me they must visit more seniors in this building than me. I look crushed and tell them I hope God does not hate me. They assure me He does not but they must preach the gospel to be saved.

I remind them that cleanliness is next to godliness. They make me want to thank God when my apartment is clean. I thank God old women feed me for free.

What the fuck. I am a retired marine and a retired librarian. I need time to writ Haikus.

LOVING YOU IS HARD
BUT NOT AS HARD AS CLEANING
THAT SHIT TRULY SUCKS

Jehovah's Witnesses should be used as free labor. They work hard which counts as penance and they save their souls. I sit on my ass and watch women clean and cook for me.

Guys, take a more positive approach to life. Find a Buddhist or a Moslem who will wash your car for free. I read books to educate myself. If there are useless gay guys reading this, I want someone to clean my cat Buster's litter tray and wash my bathroom. I can always find something better to do!

Oh yeah. The JW met me at the supermarket. They were surprised I don't limp or hobble. I walk erect like a marine and take anything I can get for free. I told them there was a new item at Starbucks. "Could you help me out? I served my country and I like to be served in old age."

Fuck it, I learned how to panhandle in grammar school in NYC. By 12 I made some good money turning tricks with my friend, Mike Houston. We were two cute boys born and raised near the tourists who visited NYC. Tourists paid to have sex with us. In 1956 I lost my virginity to another boys. Guess what. Some men will pay to have sex with cute boys.

Being gay outside NYC is a waste of time. People have sex for free. Pay me guys and I will try not to give you a nosebleed!

I grin because I still enjoy being gay. I have had 85,000 orgasms without guilt. Being gay is natural to me. I like it a lot!!!!!

[princealbertofb]

John, you're a hoot.... Love your posts...