oral sex

[justsaying]

Hi guys. Well I am a member of a dating site. Will not mention name. But almost everyone there wants and expects oral sex. I am wondering with the spread of stds and there is so many one can get, what to do?

Some can carry it without them knowing it and pass it on to other guys. So what do I do? When I ask about safe sex, they say yes but oral is an exception to the rule for them.

Please help

[princealbertofb]

Hmmmm, this is a difficult one.

Oral sex is fun and doesn't automatically come with STDs. So don't automatically assume that oral sex will give you an STD. That's the first thing you have to know.

Then, I'd say that you are probably only going to perform oral sex with someone that you have started trusting. So it means that you're not going to do this on a first encounter. Get to know the person, their sexual history, the number of partners they've been with etc. A novice, while not necessarily safe, might be safer if he hasn't had multiple partners.

If the person is serious about a relationship, then you can decide when you feel comfortable putting his penis in your mouth. So, to begin, you could decide that you're going to do some fairly safe things, like kiss and blow around the crotch area. Make sure he's clean and then you can lick his lower abdomen, his navel, his balls... You can spit and use your hand and fingers to give him an improved hand job. Maybe even the thought of your head being close to the area will give him a thrill. Note how porn stars do it, when they aren't really into having penises in their mouths. They've got a whole lot of techniques that involve gently biting or nibbling those areas, the shaft too, but never actually putting the head inside their mouths, avoiding any bodily fluids coming into contact with their mouths.

There are such things as dental dams that are meant for giving oral jobs but having never tried them, I wouldn't know where to start. You could ask him to wear a condom while you blow him but that may be unsatisfactory for him and for you. Latex doesn't taste very good, even if you can get flavoured condoms. That's something that you might try, if he's not allergic to latex and you aren't either. Remember that you don't have to be forced into anything that you don't want to do. If the prospect gets carried away and wants you to engulf him when you don't wish to, get away as soon as you can.

You know the rule, though, don't you? : don't give oral sex if you have been bleeding or if you have a cut in your mouth. Don't give oral sex if you have herpes of the mouth. Don't let him come in your mouth either... although if you've already swallowed him unprotected, the likelihood of anything nasty passing will already have happened presumably, if he's carryin an infection.

If you feel, after performing oral sex unprotected that you are having a sore throat that had no reason for happening (like on account of the cold weather), then get yourself checked by a doctor, and if you both have a disease, have it treated.

As I said, it's not automatically going to happen and there are ways of treating those diseases.

I think there's a vaccine for hepatitis A and it may be a good idea to get that shot before you start performing.

One last thing I'd suggest. If his appendage doesn't look in good health (warts, too red or sore, a spot or spots), then you should steer clear of it, but, again, STDs don't always show so it's a risk you have to take if you want to try giving another man head.

You could also ask your partner for a clean bill of health, of course... but that's not going to happen on a first encounter. Maybe you should stick to the hand jobs, the caressing and stroking for those occasions? Unless you want to start using condoms.

[princealbertofb]

Other than that, I'm sure there's a profusion of sex tips online that you could read about oral sex. Why don't you look up the figures and the tips?

[LJay]

There are other ways to look at it all, though.

A long time ago I got my one and only case of the clap. In the throat. From oral sex.

I was lucky because it was detected, tested for at a good free clinic and successfully treated.

Latex is not my favorite flavor, but I can deal with it.

[princealbertofb]

There are other ways to look at it all, though.

A long time ago I got my one and only case of the clap. In the throat. From oral sex.

I was lucky because it was detected, tested for at a good free clinic and successfully treated.

Latex is not my favorite flavor, but I can deal with it.

You're quite right, LJay. The same happened to me, but as I'd had two partners at the time in close succession, I didn't know who the 'culprit' was in passing it on. Was it my only boyfriend, or was it my only and current girlfriend? The girlfriend and I were tested and got treatment. I told the boyfriend about it. He denied having any health problems (maybe it was ignorance?) and so probably didn't get any treatment. I didn't have any sexual intercourse with him after that, so I don't know what happened to him and whether he really was safe. The thing is, I learnt he was promiscuous and it's quite likely that he passed it on to me. My girlfriend at the time said it could very well come from her, since it doesn't necessarily show or feel uncomfortable down there. She had had a few partners up till then. The fact that I developed the discomfort made us aware that it was around. I know we both followed the full course of antibiotics and were free to have sex normally thereafter. As you said, though, it was a long long time ago. We didn't use condoms in those days. It was before the AIDS scare. Nothing since then.

[Camfer]

Speaking loosely here, generally whatever you might catch through oral sex won't kill you and is curable. So many guys tend to figure that unprotected oral sex is a risk worth taking in order to enjoy sex. But it doesn't matter what others do. It matters that you make a conscious decision what you want.

It sounds like you need to educate yourself so that you can make an informed choice yourself on what you do and do not want to do in terms of sex. The correct term here is safer sex, not safe sex. It's all relative. The best way to educate yourself is to talk with your doctor or make an appointment at a free health clinic so you can address your concerns and get all your questions answered.

Once you have clarity on what you will and will not do with another guy, you can state that clearly to any potential sex partners. If someone is not respecting your limits, stop, get dressed, and end the encounter. Know your limits and stick to them. It's also very helpful to be reasonably sober when having sex, so you can stick to the safer sex you really want.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

And this is why God made Flavored Condoms: http://www.walgreens.com/store/c/product...2000010956




And my favorite:




The reality is that oral is generally safer, but not extremely so.

The problem is that since the 1980's we in the gay community have focused on HIV/AIDS and have pretty much forgotten all of the others. HIV does not transmit via saliva, and even swallowing it kills it.

But others like Herpes, Syphilis and Chlamydia can be transmitted orally.

You said dating site. I bet you are actually talking about a hook-up site. Gay men are notorious for taking a real relationship seeking dating site and turning it into a back ally pick-up site.

Frankly, I think anyone insane enough to have sex with strangers is.... well... insane. People human, and people who want to get off will lie profusely in order to get off.

Every guy you meet on a hook-up site or a dark back alley is looking for sex, and most likely has done this many times before, so he has already had sex with a whole bunch of people he knew nothing about and all of them lied through their teeth about knowing their STD status.

I'm sorry, but the reality is that one third of the Population in the USA has an STD. Now the shocking news, 1/3/rd of the population is pretty old, and 33% of the population is merely children. That means that the majority of those with an STD is what we can call the age of fuckability, not too old, and not too young.

I have no idea what the statistic is like for Europe, Canada, and other parts of the world.... I assume similar.

As I opened with, there are flavored condoms that come in all sorts of flavors. As far as I know there is no taste testing tables at stores. So you may want to shop around, get a few samples and take them home and test their flavor.

Find flavors you like, and insist on wearing a condom for sex.

If the guy says no then tell him NO.

[Bluelight]

I'm kind of a hypocrite for saying this, but since it might be in your interest, you might want to use a condom for oral if you're that worried about the possibility of contracting an STI.

You could get chlamydia or gonorrhea from unprotected oral sex, but both are curable if you catch onto it early enough. Herpes is what you should really worry about, but you can only get it from someone who has an outbreak during the time that you're sexually active with them. It's not a bad idea to get tested regularly though, the general rule is every 6 months.

Again, I'm being a hypocrite because I've only been tested for everything once over the course of the two years that I've been sexually active, but since you're clearly more conscientious than me that's something that you might want to look into.

[justsaying]

Thank you all, you have been very helpful. I have done my research on health issues regarding oral sex and totally understand that there is a risk involved. I am very picky about the person I will get intimate with, so its not like I am going to have sex with anyone I meet. The dating site is a normal dating site but I am amazed as to how many one night stand requests I have been getting. Sadly I can not trust anyone, so call it good or bad, I think Like a few have mentioned, they need to agree with me using flavored condoms. I did mention it to 2 guys before just to see what reaction I would get and just like I had predicted they stop writing me LOL. So I have decided it is either protection or nothing.

Now someone else mentioned fooling around, like hand job and body to body contact. Would that also transmit anything? I read that crabs can be transmitted that way. Now I am not paranoid and do want to get to know someone, so best if I can develop a relationship first with someone and slowly get into the physical stuff. Still read and heard to many stories where they guy lied or cheated on their partners. Wish this could have been easier for the gay community.

[TwisttheLeaf]

Well, my first reaction is...... do what feels right for you, NOT what others expect of you. If you dont want to give head? Then don't do it. Doing it just because someone expects it of you is a pretty damned lame reason to suck dick.

That said?

If it -does- feel right for you..... flavored condoms.