oral sex

[dynamodean]

If you're really in the mood to blow a stranger/hook-up/first encounter, just go with the condom to make it safer. If you really dig each other and meet up for repeat sessions...get to know him better and maybe the condom can come off. It's the only way if you're worried about catching something.

[CuriousPhoenix]

Don't forget flavored lube that you can put on the condom while giving him a blowjob.

Be upfront with the guy and say that you want to know if he is clean or has been tested. In this day and age that should not be a problem. If he says no he won't get tested then that's the end of the conversation and move on. If he does say yes he was clean and get's himself tested, then move to the next step.

[Camfer]

Tested for what? There's probably a dozen things you could test for.

I do not ever recommend using the word clean when it comes to discussing STIs. Clean is a nebulous term that can mean all sorts of things to different people. And the opposite of clean is dirty. People living with HIV or any other STI are not dirty, and if they just took a shower they are indeed clean. Asking, "You clean, bro?" and him grunting, "Yeah," is not a meaningful exchange of information. Any test results are only as up to date as the person's celibacy since the test, and that's even assuming the test was taken at the right time.

It's not well advised to base your sexual activity with a stranger based on what he tells you. People lie, people don't know, people forget, test results can be out of date, and some people just don't care. Base your sexual activity on what you are or are not willing to risk.

[Virge]

The real solution for all this is to get out of the routine you're in and meet some higher quality guys.... unless guys like the ones on the dating site are really what you're looking for.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Thank you all, you have been very helpful. I have done my research on health issues regarding oral sex and totally understand that there is a risk involved. I am very picky about the person I will get intimate with, so its not like I am going to have sex with anyone I meet. The dating site is a normal dating site but I am amazed as to how many one night stand requests I have been getting. Sadly I can not trust anyone, so call it good or bad, I think Like a few have mentioned, they need to agree with me using flavored condoms. I did mention it to 2 guys before just to see what reaction I would get and just like I had predicted they stop writing me LOL. So I have decided it is either protection or nothing.

Now someone else mentioned fooling around, like hand job and body to body contact. Would that also transmit anything? I read that crabs can be transmitted that way. Now I am not paranoid and do want to get to know someone, so best if I can develop a relationship first with someone and slowly get into the physical stuff. Still read and heard to many stories where they guy lied or cheated on their partners. Wish this could have been easier for the gay community.

Crabs are a form of louse (plural: lice) that infest pubic hair. Yes you can pick those up, even off a toilet. Or sleeping in a bed where a person who had them slept the night before (hotels/motels - ew).

Scabies are mites, similar to lice but these are smaller and bore into the skin. They too can be passed by body contact, infested clothing.

You can also pick up head lice, and ring worm and other interesting diseases from other people. Flu, Colds, Ebola :eek:....

Most of the STD's cannot be passed by physical contact. It requires open sores and getting bodily fluids into those sores. STDs that can be transmitted by skin-to-skin contact include herpes, HPV (warts), crabs and syphilis.

So where do you want to draw the line when it comes to risks?

The only safe sex is abstinence. All other forms of human contact runs risks of passing on disease, parasites and other interesting things.

If you are that concerned about disease, then maybe you need to forget the whole casual sex thing and aim for a partner and Long Term Relationship.

Dating (as in the old timey meaning of dinner, movie and talking, without sex) takes place, you two reach a point where you want to take it to the next level (sex) and you both get tested for STD's together and present your health cards two weeks later showing your score.

Of course this is NOT a perfect system. There is incubation period involved, and then there is a chance the guy you are dating is also 'dating' (new definition having sex) other guys.

I have a 30 day no sex policy and I insist on condom use until we go get tested at public health together.

The upside is that I have never had an std. The downside is I have only had 8 sex partners (willingly, I do not discuss the others). 6 of those were honest attempts at relationships, the other two were honest attempts to be a slut.

This is the third year of being single for me. And in all of that time there has been no sex (technically no sex since the lat century - my last relationship had 'problems').

But I am disease free.

You need to weigh your choices, have some idea of what you want out of life.

Oh and don't think that being in a relationship magically puts you outside of the STD risks. My last ex came home in the third year of our relationship having tested positive for HIV... Yeah I would come to find out that that whole monogamy thing only applied to me. I fear that that sort of situation is too common.

There are risks, yes. Most of those risks can be readily reduced by the use of condoms. some of those risks are always there and never go away, well aside from you living your life in one of these:

[Rareboy]

The first thing that you need to do is get over the paralyzing fear of STI's.

I always think the best way is to just finally get one, be treated for it, realize that you survived...and move on.

But if you aren't up for bj's, why not focus on anal. It almost always comes with condom use and no one even thinks twice about this being a pre-condition.

Once you have a bf...then you can explore bj's with him and hopefully get beyond the fear of sex.

[Camfer]

The real solution for all this is to get out of the routine you're in and meet some higher quality guys.... unless guys like the ones on the dating site are really what you're looking for.

Thinking that someone is a "higher quality guy" and therefore that reduces your risk and you can toss out your safer sex strategies makes no medical sense. Viruses, bacteria, and all the wee little beasties that are out there do not discriminate between higher quality guys and lower quality guys. The internet is just like real life, where you meet people of all levels of quality.

[justsaying]

Love it guys, you all given me great insight into this. Thank you again to all of you and I am glad I joined this forum.