Me and my boyfriend have been together for two years. He is moving across the country (US) to pursue his career and due to circumstances I can't join him at the moment and when I finally can, it will require some life changing sacrifices on my part. I'm the only man he has ever been with so as much as I love him, and want to drop everything to be with him, I feel like maybe its time for me to let him go and experience new things with other people. Would it be selfish of me to hold on to him and try to continue a relationship with him even though we both will have to make very big sacrifices? We are both in our early 20's and he is the first person I've ever loved.
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If you think that building relationships comes without sacrifices, you're wrong. Any choice you make will have risks. If you stay where you are you risk losing him. If you go with him you still risk losing him. There's no sure formula for this, no rules or best options.
When I was 20 I went crazy over a guy and went to unimaginable sacrifices and costs to chase him. It turned out lucky and I still have him and soon to be 27. It wasn't easy. Your mileage may vary.
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Do you guys live or ever lived together?
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No sacrifice is too big to find and keep true LOVE...
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It sounds as though you have already moved on.
If it was to be forever....you wouldn't even be entertaining the idea of experiencing other things with new people.
And you wouldn't even be hesitating to make sacrifices.
Just do the right thing and end it. It may be the worst mistake you ever make in your life and it might be the best thing you ever did.
But I think it will be the best thing for him.
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All I can tell you is that you have to listen to your heart. If you're worried though that he hasn't been able to experiment with other people... I suppose it could be a problem, however I've never seen it as a problem for me, maybe he's the same
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It definitely does worry me that he hasn't got a chance to experiment with other people and I've always felt that this fact was something that would inevitably doom our relationship. Perhaps that is only a reflection of what kind of person I am, but I've always felt that people have to be able to play the field at least a little bit before they can be content with sticking with one person.
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like you said, you're both in your early 20s. you should go and see the world and experience being with other guys. if it happens that after all that you still want to come back to each other, take it up from there. you both have plenty of time.
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Try a long distance relationship for a while. I know they can be difficult but if you truly love him, you'll at least try it. Then if you start to notice that the passion and the chemistry is gone, then you can break up knowing that you at least tried to make it work. If it does work and you guys still love each other, then you can entertain the thought of moving to his neck of the woods.
Stop using experimenting as a reason to break up with your boyfriend. I know of many couples that didn't experiment with other people before committing to each other. They've been together for 33 and 52 years. If it is meant to be, then it'll be.
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Your both young, and in the first decade of adulthood which will mean lots of personal changes for both of you.
The sad truth is that most (not all) folk who enter into a relationship in their 20's outgrow it by their 30's. That whole learning curve coupled with experience leads to people changing their interests, ideologies, and lots of other stuff so by the time they are 30 they are rather vastly different from the person they were when they were 20.
From what you wrote I see there is a great deal of growth ahead of you, and no doubt you feel you need more experiences and that this situation has served whatever your needs were.
If this is the case, then be honest about it, to yourself and to him.
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