Hi I'm a Newbie and I need some help!

[tiredofmyex]

Well, I need some advice. I was in a relationship with a girl that I've loved for over 30 years. When we were growing up, she paid me no attention. She dated a lot of guys and there was no way that I could even fathom that she would end up liking girls. Well, into our adulthood, she confesses to me that she is in love with me. Imagine my surprise when the girl of my dreams, the girl that I had been in love with all of these years was actually in love with me? I just couldn't believe it! So we started dating. The first few months were good but then she started cheating on me with different girls. I could not understand why she would do something so hurtful after she told me that she loved me! I was devastated! But I just couldn't quit her! My love and attraction for her was too strong for me to pull away! Sex with her was amazing and I wanted more and more to be with her! Well, the cheating continued, I became very very angry and we argued constantly! Last year our relationship came to a head! The constant fighting and arguing just got worst and worst and worst! It got so bad that she ended up hating me! She treated me worst than ****! I did so much for that girl, even before we became involved but that never mattered to her. She hated me! She blamed me for the breakup and told me that she couldn't take my anger! She never cared about how all of her cheating affected me. And she certainly never cared to change her ways! It was my anger that caused the break up, according to her! So now she's dating another chick who happens to have just got married to her partner. My ex is with someone who is married to another chick! Sick! My ex dumped me for that stupid POS! She chose that low life over someone who truly loved her! So the better part of last year and this year has been very difficulty for me. What my ex did to me caused me extreme pain, depression and anxiety. I stopped talking to her because any attempts I would make to try and reason with her would end up in bigger and nastier arguments and I would end up feeling a lot worse! So I stopped talking to her but I am still in a world of pain! I don't understand how someone can be that hurtful! So here I am, 9 months later and out of the blue, my ex decides to contact me. She wants to know if we can be friends even though she is still with that nasty POS! She had blocked me on facebook and Instagram and now she is hitting me up going through my photos and going through previous text messages that I had sent to her. We both love the show Survivor so she tells me that when she was watching it last week, she was thinking of me! I don't know why she would even say such things! She told me yesterday that she loves that stupid POS chick she is with! So why the hell is talking to me then??? I don't get it and that's why I am asking for advice! I don't understand how someone can do what she did to me, then hook up with some stupid low life and then contact me and tell me that she's now thinking about me??? What the hell???? Help please!!!

[Borg69]

Some people fall into this category:

par·a·site
ˈperəˌsīt/
noun
noun: parasite; plural noun: parasites

an organism that lives in or on another organism (its host) and benefits by deriving nutrients at the host's expense.
derogatory
a person who habitually relies on or exploits others and gives nothing in return.
synonyms: hanger-on, cadger, leech, passenger; More

[palbert]

Run away from this woman. Run away very fast. She is toxic to you. Any interaction you have with her merely enables her.

And, to GS!

[Jake]

Alright girl I'll try to do my best on this one, but pardon me if I may seems to drivel a little. I just came out from an emergency surgery. But what you just told us reminded me of a story of two of my greatest lesbian friends who kind of been in the same situation than you're in. LET'S MAKE IT CLEAR FROM THE BEGINNING: FRIENDSHIP WON'T WORK what she's doing is getting INSURANCE, you can be sure that right now it's not working well with her current girlfriend and what she's doing by asking you to be friend is the very same of someone getting insurance. If one doesn't work, she'll go for the other one and she'll keep on doing it. I have seen it and even myself have been a victim of that kind of Insurance bullshit of manipulative asshole. Don't fall for it and stay away from her. Refuse the friendship, she hurt you well enough, have some self respect and remove that acid person from your life. You will find another girl that will respect you, this one has no respect whatsoever. If you have a minimum of respect for yourself you won't fall for it.

[tiredofmyex]

Thanks Jake. I am having such a hard time letting go. I know that I have to but I don't understand why I'm so hung up on this girl. She's done nothing for me! She never treated me with the respect I deserved and I don't even know how she ever developed feelings for me. She has cheated on every single of her relationships. Even the guys she's dated! She's never been faithful to anyone. I think you're right on about her wanting insurance with me! She thinks its ok to have open relationships and I think what she's trying to do with is condition me into accepting her back into my life while she continues dating this nasty POS! And that's just not gonna happen! That is completely unacceptable and if she thinks she can charm back into her life under those pretenses, then she's gravely mistaken!

[tiredofmyex]

Thanks Jake! She thinks its ok to have all of these open relationships and its not! She wants to condition me into accepting her open relationships. She thinks she can charm her way back into my life and have me accept the insensitive things she does and that's just not gonna happen! I think you're right on the whole insurance thing! When I was with her and even before, I did everything for her! Bought her nice things, wined and dined her, was there for her when she was at her lowest. I would have gone to the ends of the earth had she treated me right! But you're right! She never respected me and to see that she blames me for the break up? No, it wasn't my fault! Its all her fault!

[Lexington]

Here's the thing. You're not with her anymore, but you're not free of her. Block her - on your phone, on all social media sites, everything. Consider that part dead and buried, and move on with your life. Don't keep living in the hurt. Start growing beyond it.

Lex

[CuriousPhoenix]

Cut her out of your life. She's bad news. Jake is right, she is trying to keep close to you to make sure that if it doesn't work out with her current partner, she has you to fall back on.

If your hesitant to break all ties with her, I understand. You loved this women and pictured yourself with her for along time and sometimes its scary to picture a new future that you hadn't even dreamed of. But you need to start dreaming of a new future without her in your life. She just will continue to use you and abuse you.

[Jake]

Thanks Jake. I am having such a hard time letting go. I know that I have to but I don't understand why I'm so hung up on this girl. She's done nothing for me! She never treated me with the respect I deserved and I don't even know how she ever developed feelings for me. She has cheated on every single of her relationships. Even the guys she's dated! She's never been faithful to anyone. I think you're right on about her wanting insurance with me! She thinks its ok to have open relationships and I think what she's trying to do with is condition me into accepting her back into my life while she continues dating this nasty POS! And that's just not gonna happen! That is completely unacceptable and if she thinks she can charm back into her life under those pretenses, then she's gravely mistaken!

Dear you and I are the same age and we know very well that what's happening to you with your problem of letting go of her is the fear of not finding another person soon. You're seeing yourself getting older and what you're feeling is completely normal, if I was in your situation with Alex I would also have this type of love dependancy even though I would acknowledge that the person was toxic and that keeping him in my environment will just make things worst. Do yourself a favor and try to let go. An open relationship is fine when both parties have agreed on some rules, cheating is when she can't control her fucking self, fuck around, not telling you or telling you way later that she had an affair with such and such women/men and come back to play the violin with you so you'll take her back just so she gets the comfortable thought that you'll never let go and that she can keep on going. She has no respect for herself or for anybody else and certainly not for you as she uses you as her insurance or straightforward a puppet.

Changes are difficult to deal with, I have a hard time myself to deal with changes, I love status quo, but when the status quo makes you the idiot being cheated over and over, this means that you have stop having respect for yourself and you let that bitch ass win. Cut her loose and do not allow her to come back into your life. Let her deal with rejection for a while. Trust me, her little magical world will collapse anytime soon. Don't be the victim/savior, be the one that end that stupid and tiring circle once and for all.

[tiredofmyex]

Thanks, that's really good advice. I am going to cut her off but...I'm not going to tell her she is cut off...I'M GOING TO SHOW HER!!! I've tried to end things with her before but she never took me serious because I kept going back to her. But I'm tired of her bullshit and I don't wanna take it anymore!!!!

She needs to learn that she can't fuck with my emotions! She needs to learn that someday my love for her will end! I am the one that she will never have! I'm too good for her!

Just some history on her, she has a very distorted view on sex. She is obsessed with it and I don't know whether this has anything to do with her cheating. But as far as keeping a relationship in a solid state, she can't do it and I know her relationship with this other stupid dumb fuck will end too!