Thanks Jake. That's really good advice. Hearing more and more what I should actually empowers me. Hearing how sucky she really is towards me makes me feel so much better so the more people talk about how horrible what she did to me was, the more better I feel!
Just to give you some background her...She has a very twisted obsession with sex. She is obsessed with sex to the point of not even caring who she gets in from! I think this has a lot to do with her cheating! As long as it is an acquaintance and the girl is gay, she will have sex with her. I took her to a club once with my friends and she didn't know one of my friends who is gay and she started kissing her! I know there is something seriously wrong with her and maybe that's another reason why I put up with her bullshit but I know that's not an excuse! She needs to know that she can't fuck with my emotions anymore!!!
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One other word of advice. You mention your anger issues were apparently a problem in the relationship and I note that you write like an angry person.
Try to let this anger over things go and not rule your life. Perhaps some anger management support would be good for you in order to get some balance and perspective and positive control over events.
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My first serious relationship with another boy... I hesitate to call him a man because of his behavior... really did have a screw loose. Said I was the best thing that ever happened to him, cheated on me left and right, and manipulated me in the worst ways. I "loved" him at the time, but it finally came to my attention that I was a pawn in a lifelong game he was playing. Getting out was the best thing I ever did. I actually had to change my contact information because this *person was harassing me out of the blue at times, but it was worth it. Some people are majorly unbalanced, and masterful at getting others trapped in a web of drama. This ex of mine had me wrapped around his finger. I advise you with compassion that you do yourself the favor of cutting this person out of your life with the sharpest shears at hand.
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Well Tiredofmyex, you're making the right choice. See I am aware that some people may have some sexual addiction, I sure know about it because I was pretty much the same when I was a little younger, from 16 years old all the way to 25 I was very unstable sexually, so much that I was an escort and a porn performer in Germany for many years until I started realizing that all this was not good for me or for the person I was with. I also had a very bad misunderstanding of what an open relationship was. I had kids pretty young too, my first children I've got her I was 20 years old and my son came along at age 25, I was a full blown bisexual, still in the closet having sex here and there with both genders whether I was paid or not.
Yes, sexual addiction is a real addiction, and many people will just see it as a joke because who doesn't want to have sex all the time. But the result of doing so is that you hurt a lot of people on the way and you lose your own self respect. It's not for you to suffer from it, it's for her to realize what she's doing isn't right. Beauty doesn't last forever, will come a day where even if you're beautiful the age will be a tick off for many.
The case of my two lesbian friends was pretty similar than yours, although I have no idea how old your girlfriend was, but in my friend's they were about 15 years apart, the hot head was the youngest one, of course, she wanted to have a relationship, but yet again was not ready or prepared for commitment whatsoever, she would befriend everyone and everybody and yes she'd also cheat on my friend. The case is that I was involved in that triangle and swear to secrecy because, of course the young one will come whine at me saying that she made a mistake, I spoke to her girlfriend twice to patch things up until I realize that I was definitely not on the right side. Each and every time after her mishaps, she'd be fine for weeks or months, but when things were yet getting to a comfortable level, she would just keep on doing it. That's when I changed the cap and decided to have a talk with the victim and explain what I knew.
All this drama in a couple is unnecessary, if one requires a relationship, before they really go open or invite a third wheel in their relationship they need to be 100% in agreement with each other. Alex and I were in an open relationship for at least 2 years in our first years, Alex is the youngest one by 10 years, and yes, that's the guy on my avatar, so you understand that a guy like him just wink and there's 10 dicks ready to stuff all his holes. He's the one who called off the open relationship. Open relationship requires 100% trust on both sides. When one is getting more sex than his partner, there's something really wrong.
Your ex doesn't seem to understand she has a problem, and perhaps the other girl she is with is too blind to see what's going on. But she'll catch up to it. Sex isn't what make a couple stay together. If so, this is far from being a genuine or healthy relationship.
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You're right Jake. Its so mind boggling to even try and understand why she is the way she is and why she has hurt me so badly! For her to know how damaging her actions were to me and then out of the blue to just tell me that she loves this other stupid POS? Why? Maybe she gets a real kick out of hurting me! Maybe hurting me the way she did wasn't enough! Maybe she gets off on hurting me! That's what this looks like! She ruined me! And she knows it too!
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One thing that may help you understand if not excuse her behavior is this sentence:
"She dated a lot of guys and there was no way that I could even fathom that she would end up liking girls."
Is it possible that she is having some kind of delayed adolescence because she suppressed (or was legitimately unaware of) her desire for other women for so long? That would help explain why her approach to dating and sexuality seems so immature, and ... thirsty for lack of a better word.
Sorry this is happening to you, and I echo the others' advice that the person she is now, regardless of what happened before, is unhealthy for you, and you need to put space between you for your own well-being.
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Yes I'm angry! She cheated on me! That kind of action usually invokes anger!
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Its hard to do but I agree with majority of the people here...she seems like she is very toxic for you. I say move on and forget her, I know it will be hard for you to do but you can do it.
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I understand... how did you hold on all these years? I know how much it's painful for you...
Stay as far away from her as you can. You've been very patient on her, perhaps a little more could help you get over it all. Stay strong and try appeasing your anger.
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