I need to vent....

[CarGuy65]

So I went to my boyfriends house tonight to catch up on a TV show that he DVR's and we watch together. He used to DVR the show in his room where we can snuggle and watch it by ourselves but now he DVR's it in the family room. All is going well considering his mom is watching TV with us (she lives with him and alone time is VERY rare) We had a good time watching TV when I excused myself to use his bathroom. As I came out of the bathroom to wash my hands at his sink, I noticed he had all his bling (his PA rings that I find annoying cause I can chip a tooth or something!) out on the bathroom counter and there it was (cue the duh duh duuuuuhhhh music) His fleshlight drying out on a towel!
Now I would normally not be bothered by this if it weren't for the fact we have not been intimate(AT ALL) for exactly 3 months to the day.
I mean really? WTF? I told him well over a year ago "anytime, anyplace, just ask!" (I am slutty like that!)
I really felt like asking him about it when I went back out in the family room but with his mom in the room and explaining what a fleshlight is.......well you get the picture.
Now before you all tell me I need to talk to him, remember this is my venting moment and I know I have to have a talk. I have talked to him about the lack of "alone time" a few times and he just seems to gloss over it like it is no big deal "sex is only 1% of a relationship" he says. Personally I kind of think that percentage is a little bit higher but that's just me.
I have to help him at the job sight tomorrow and I am hoping to get the chance to have a talk on the drive home but.........tomorrow is the 2 year anniversary of his previous partners passing so I don't know if it will be the right time.
Anyway I had to get that off my chest. Thanks for reading.
Now back to our regularly scheduled program.

[Virge]

Save this for emergencies.

I'm not the one to give you advice on this because Im sitting here glowing after my guy flew in Thursday for an extended booty call. I had to get up so he could sleep. I know when - if it ever happens to me like it has to you I'll be like you are right now. I'd be wanting answers yesterday if not sooner.

But I think the thing that makes sex happen on a steady basis has more to do with the amount of one on one face time before and after sex. Jay and I chat on cam 3-4 times a day and are texting all the time except when asleep. We even "have meals together" by cam even though it means we have to eat at weird times to do it. If it was me in your situation I'd be planning a weekend away together and not even put sex on the must-do list... ......

[Rareboy]

I think a weekend away alone would be the ticket.

You need to find other guys who can give you what you want and need.

Just keep this guy as a casual friend.

Oh. And please tell me that his mom doesn't clean his room.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

This isn't the first thread you have 'vented' on this particular topic. In fact out of the huge number of threads you have started (5 of them) most of them deal with this same subject.

Perhaps the details change, but the same underlying issue is there.

April 14th you started one where he decided that instead of visiting you that his blog was more important. Folk told you what time it is.

April 15 you said:

"This porn thing is annoying to say the least and I am almost willing to bet it was the part of the reason his last partner cheated on him. At our age (45 and 48) it is hard to go back into the dating scene and I really do love him but..................we shall see."

And you didn't pursue it because you didn't want to ruin Disneyland....

You got all of these thoughts on this matter that you are afraid to bring up with him.

I know that there is the risk of rejection, and stuff like that. Yes being 48 and single sucks - I know how its like. But this situation will not get better.

Your post of 29 April is actually pretty sad. I mean seriously he knew that things were getting hot and exciting, and he choose to walk out instead of stay.

Now he is DVRing in the living room so you to will have to sit at opposite ends of the couch to watch movies instead of having at least that intimacy of cuddling and snuggling.

It seems to me that this situation has been degrading over time. You two have moved int the 'friends zone' and he doesn't want to talk about it. Perhaps he is even not consciously aware that he is pushing thing into the friends zone.

Well yes, technically bringing up this subject during the anniversary of his ex's death is not a wholly happy time to bring up the subject....

But Paul, you have been meaning to bring this up to him for the past 6 months now... You need to pick a time and a place and talk or you are going to end up stuck in this situation which looks to me to be getting worse with time not better.

Here is a suggestion. Instead of talking to him, why not sit down and write a couple page letter to him? This will allow you to organize your thoughts and put in a form where he cannot interrupt you when you are talking. You can hand him a print out and ask him to please read all of it and give it consideration before he says anything.

"This porn thing is annoying to say the least and I am almost willing to bet it was the part of the reason his last partner cheated on him."

Sadly I fear that this may be the underlying cause. Our gut instinct is usually right, if we choose to ignore it that is on us. Trust me I'm real good at the ignoring the gut, and it never ends well

I'm sorry this is going this way Paul, I know you want this to be that life long relationship and everything to work out, unfortunately relationships do not magically happen, we have to pound away at them, debate them, draw up treaties and compromise, if one or both parties flat refuse to do that work, the relationship dies.

So maybe not this week since it is this close to that anniversary, but soon you have to address this. It won't get better, only worse with time.

I'll give you one of these to hopefully give you strength and resolve:

[LJay]

OH, you aren't talking about the need to pass gas.

[palbert]

Simple: Move on! You're of no consequence to him.

[MikeW]

I'm not familiar with the other threads BA is referring to but I agree, this doesn't sound good -- unless you *want* to end up in a plutonic relationship. So what's the problem? Porn addiction? Not that "into" you? Low libido (aka testosterone)? Some combination? You don't sound happy about this now, how are you going to feel if this doesn't change?

[CellarDweller]

Damn Paul, I'm sorry to read this.

I hope that tomorrow you're feeling better, and will take some needed steps.