Need to vent and advice where anyone can help…..it's kinda long

[DaltoninAR]

Thank you everyone I definitely have more understanding and some new things to try. I am definitely going to talk with my partner and see what we can really work out and get his thoughts on our relationship as well. I'll post an update afterwards. Thanks again to everyone.

[LEANDRONJ]

Like Palbert said, I hate to be the bad guy in the room! but some people, that includes me! it is very important for me to be in the same page as my partner, and that includes time spent together. When that is not possible communication is the first thing to falter in a relationship! yeah yeah, I know there are couples who have remained together even thou they both have different working schedules, or may not see each other as often! but to me time spent together is of extreme importance to remain in a relationship as long as the OP has! spending time together as much as possible is what makes a relationship enjoyable and long lasting! if not then you may just as well stop complaining, get use to being bored, and EVEN tempted to spend that lost time in company of someone else that is willing to share it with you! sorry I am just being honest!

[Jake]

Well unlike some people here I have no problem being the asshole. I believe that you know what to do. Everything seems to me to point to have some time off. However, here's some questions:

Do you two live together
Does he jump to his video games as soon as he comes out from work
How does the evening goes out with you guys, do you kiss goodnight or you just pull the sheet up and say goodbye.
If you walk naked around the house does he even notice or he tries his best to ignore you.
If he needs his friends to be close all the time, does any of his friends realize that he's not taking any good care of you?
Have you spoke with any of his friends of your concerns?
I could go on and on, there's so many things missing... but from what I gathered from your post it's either something changes or you make it change.

[LEANDRONJ]

Well unlike some people here I have no problem being the asshole. I believe that you know what to do. Everything seems to me to point to have some time off. However, here's some questions:

Do you two live together
Does he jump to his video games as soon as he comes out from work
How does the evening goes out with you guys, do you kiss goodnight or you just pull the sheet up and say goodbye.
If you walk naked around the house does he even notice or he tries his best to ignore you.
If he needs his friends to be close all the time, does any of his friends realize that he's not taking any good care of you?
Have you spoke with any of his friends of your concerns?
I could go on and on, there's so many things missing... but from what I gathered from your post it's either something changes or you make it change.

I like these raised questions very much Jake! there are many ways to stay in touch! but the one that work best is when the two involved are doing things together. I know a gay couple who rarely see each other, because of their busy schedule, and even thou one of them claim they spend quality time together whenever possible? they both told when I asked them separately, that there are times when either feel lonely, stressed, angry, sad, or even happy! missed times they wished their partners were there for them. Sure there is the phone to communicate! but there is a huge difference in the need for consolation between hearing someone's voice and seeing them in person! at least it is for me!! technology I am afraid have turned people into robots, not humans!

[EvenOlderButWiser]

I can sympathise with the situation that the OP finds himself in. It's not too dissimilar to mine.

Although it's not the night shift that's the issue, it's more that I work internationally on a regular basis, but when I'm home l'm pretty much ignored in the same way as the OP is - though in my case I take the cat to bed lol.

We've been together 10 years, and it's only in the last 3 years, following promotion to a senior job position that the extensive travel has started. We discussed the implications of me working away on the relationship before I took the job, and both felt it would be fine (I tend to be away 1-2 weeks at a time then home for a couple of weeks)

Initially we made sure that when I was home we did everything together, including holidays etc. however this past year things have become really strained, with more arguments and doing things separately. He's always too busy to do things, and would rather spend hours on his Xbox or out with his friends than spend time together with me. He won't come to bed when I do, and often stays up late on his laptop or watching movies.

To be honest I'm beginning to think the relationship has run its course and it's time to move on, which is quite a scary thought when your my age (52).

He does work and has a well paid job, but it's my house he's living in, and while he used to contribute to the running costs he's refused to do so for the last year, despite me asking. His reply is I earn way more than him, so don't need his money, and while that is true today, there was a time early on when he earned more than me, but we always split costs 50-50.

I'm just getting tired of whatever game he is playing, and have decided to move on.

The reason I've posted this here is simple. Only you know your partner, and how you are really feeling about things. You can ask forum members for advice, but only you know what you have to do, and want to do.

I already know what I have to do, and I suspect you do to.

Breaking up from an LTR is never going to be the easy option, but sometimes it's the only option.

Good luck