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Just told the first person I'm Gay....
#11
reaper Wrote:Good question.

I always knew I didn't feel the way most guys did towards women. I didn't really connect with them the way I felt I should. I honestly thought that I was more asexual. That I, for whatever reason, just didn't have the drive or the interest.

My aunt (sister) is a lot like me in many ways. She had the same experience as me. She was usually single even though she is very attractive. Then, in her mid thirties she ended up in a same sex relationship. She never thought she was gay until that point. It just happened, she fell in love and it was clear.

Me being so much like her probably led her to have this talk with me.

I've always connected better with guy, was closer to guys, but I never really thought I was sexually attracted to them. I've had a lot of male best friends, some very good looking...but I never thought to myself...man, I wish I could be with him.

I'm a man of my culture...maybe for that reason I never allowed myself to even consider this. If this is the case, it happened on a deeper level I was unawre of.

My conversation with her didn't make me see my gayness. It only opened my mind to the possibility of it. Something I never trutly considered, but something that made sense.

I don't live in a city, I don't have gay friends, I don't think I even know any gay guys. I went to the club to see what it was like, how I felt, and if I felt a connection with the whole atmosphere of it.

I did. I ended up kissing some dude last week, and I wouldn't have known this till that point, but it was probably the most comfortable kiss I was ever a part of.

Hey Reaper,

Congratulations to you! My name's Adam. I am 32 and didn't come out until I was 29. It took me a long time to come out once I knew I was gay, and also a long time to realize I was gay in the first place. Anyway, I've been posting in these forums for a few months and have been waiting to share my blog's url cause I feel like its shameless self promotion.

But your story sounds familiar to me, and you honestly may enjoy my blog and get something out of it. If I can be of any help to you, information wise or whatever please let em know. For you, or anyone who may be interested, my blog about my coming out experience and my being closeted is located at http://insearchofadam.wordpress.com/

I am always open to any questions or comments anyone may have.
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#12
Congratulations...
Keep exploring and evolving..
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#13
So since I made this thread, things have evolved.

I told my aunt, as I mentioned, who is alos in a same sex relationship.

But as the night went on, I also told my mother and not long after my brother.

All were very cool with it. No drama, no judgements, no problems.

It was a very light conversation and as always, I got some laughter out of it all.

My brother actually encouraged me to tell my step-father as well as my granndfather.

Both of these guys were on the do not tell list. He made some compelling arguments on why I should tell them.

What a night, one minute I'm sitting by the fire with my brother debating politics, the next minute I'm telling him I'm gay.
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#14
Congratulations on taking the first steps to come to terms with your sexuality. As you are finding out, telling people does get easier, although not everyone will get the positive reactions that you've had so far.

My only word of caution is your use of gay clubs to get experience. As long as you are using 100% safe sex then no real heath issues, however I do wonder if you can become addicted to such places, especially when there is a more extreme sexual fetish involved. How much is too much?

You should also try more mainstream gay clubs if that's your thing, to get a more balanced view and experience of the gay community, and not become complete focussed on a single subculture.

Good luck.
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#15
OlderButWiser Wrote:Congratulations on taking the first steps to come to terms with your sexuality. As you are finding out, telling people does get easier, although not everyone will get the positive reactions that you've had so far.

My only word of caution is your use of gay clubs to get experience. As long as you are using 100% safe sex then no real heath issues, however I do wonder if you can become addicted to such places, especially when there is a more extreme sexual fetish involved. How much is too much?

You should also try more mainstream gay clubs if that's your thing, to get a more balanced view and experience of the gay community, and not become complete focussed on a single subculture.

Good luck.

I don't actually have any sex at this club. Although it would not be difficult if I wanted to do so. I've been approached several times by guys that I don't actually see partaking in any kinds of bondage scences. I always say I'm just watching. (none of the scenes involve acutal sex, although it is sexual in nature)

That being said, I recenty put out a more sexual invitation to the guy I usually play with.

We only meet once a week, but I can see how a place like this could have addictive qualities. I'd be lieing if I said I didn't really look forward to that night. Then again, it's really the only gay link that exists in my life.
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#16
It usually feels so liberating to come out first to yourself and then to people close to you. Congrats Reaper! You seem to be a fast learner!
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#17
Congrats and I think it might be easier to tell someone else that is gay that you are gay than someone who is straight and it sure is a journey to tell the world that you are gay.

It started with a co worker at my job and then I got the confidence to tell my mom who lived in CA and thought even if she did reject me it wouldn't matter cause she was so far away and we don't have a relationship as well. I didn't have the confidence at the time to tell my parents face to face and I just had a knack for writing really good letters so I just sent them a letter even though I was in the same house.

My parents were very cool about it and in fact my dad wanted to do more father son bonding things which I thought was awesome and I am still very close to both my parents and I have brough boyfriends home to meet them and have gone out to dinner with them, have gone to baseball games with them and my boyfriend so they have always been very supportive of who I really am since I told them

My next big step is to tell them that I am Transgender but that is on the back burner. I eventually told my sibblings and then it took me awhile to tell my relatives because they are so religious but I was shocked by there reactions and even though they didn't agree with it they still loved me and cared for me very much and it has been good.

I am back in the closet because after being out for 6 years I realized that for me personally only the people that really matter to me have the right to know and people that I work with and what not, its none of their buisness and they don't need to know.

Coming out is a big step and I am glad that you are doing it and are making baby steps in doing it and that is great that you are comfortable with yourself to face all of this, it can be hard but once you do it can be very liberating. Great Job!
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#18
Jason74 Wrote:Congrats and I think it might be easier to tell someone else that is gay that you are gay than someone who is straight and it sure is a journey to tell the world that you are gay.

It started with a co worker at my job and then I got the confidence to tell my mom who lived in CA and thought even if she did reject me it wouldn't matter cause she was so far away and we don't have a relationship as well. I didn't have the confidence at the time to tell my parents face to face and I just had a knack for writing really good letters so I just sent them a letter even though I was in the same house.

My parents were very cool about it and in fact my dad wanted to do more father son bonding things which I thought was awesome and I am still very close to both my parents and I have brough boyfriends home to meet them and have gone out to dinner with them, have gone to baseball games with them and my boyfriend so they have always been very supportive of who I really am since I told them

My next big step is to tell them that I am Transgender but that is on the back burner. I eventually told my sibblings and then it took me awhile to tell my relatives because they are so religious but I was shocked by there reactions and even though they didn't agree with it they still loved me and cared for me very much and it has been good.

I am back in the closet because after being out for 6 years I realized that for me personally only the people that really matter to me have the right to know and people that I work with and what not, its none of their buisness and they don't need to know.

Coming out is a big step and I am glad that you are doing it and are making baby steps in doing it and that is great that you are comfortable with yourself to face all of this, it can be hard but once you do it can be very liberating. Great Job!

Thanks man, of course it was easier telling my aunt who is gay first. Plus, she kind of set me down this road. My mom was pretty easy, and it was a little harder telling my younger brother, but all were really good with it.

I won't tell the world, it's not the worlds business. But I will tell those close to me since it's part of who I am. It will never be possible for me to share this with my co-workers, and I really wouldn't want to anyway.

I'm not 100% sure exactly what transgender involves. If it's actually changing your sex it would seem impossible to do so privately. If it's only about dressing like a woman it would seem you could do this in settings where you can also maintain some privacy.

What we chose to share is a personal matter. I told them I'm gay, but the bondage aspect of it...which is really the only way I've expressed my sexuality....is NOT on the table. That's what I like to do, but not who I am.

When I talked to my aunt (sister) I told her more then the rest. I talked about the club, my going back consistently, some connections I've made with people, and my first gay kiss. LOT's of watering down the details. Everything I told her was true (except I had to say we're a social group that meets in a bar) I just left out SOOO much information.
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#19
I'm glad everything went well for you. Smile
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