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ceez · 10-26-2014, 09:10 PM

me and my younger sister are very close, we get along very well. about four years ago I tried coming out to her, she had gay friends in high school and college so I figured she would be accepting if I did come out to her even though she is somewhat religious. I did it through text because she was away at college and I was to afraid to do it by phone. after I told her she just kept texting me back, "seriously", maybe four or five times. I was texting her back yes until the fourth time. I didn't really think anything else of it after that though, I just went on like usual.

then I noticed the signs a little later Sad

(can't remember the time frame) she just dumped everything that happened and started making comments like, "we need to find you a girlfriend", or "don't bring any nasty girls home". it was like being stabbed in the hart, I got depressed again and back peddled my way into the closet. I've been thinking about it lately and I started to wonder if it's because of how I am, I'm masculine, still love sports, very little fashion sense and doing what little mechanical work I'm capable of and I do believe that the gay friends she had were like the stereotypical gay man (not saying anything is wrong with that). so now I'm wondering if I should come out to her again? she's really the only person I know that might be accepting. I just don't want the same thing to happen again, I know it shouldn't bother me if someone is not accepting because it's their loss but it really hurts when it's someone close to you.

Borg69 · 10-26-2014, 09:15 PM

Don't let your sense of self worth ride on the opinions of others - even if it is your sister. Be YOU. Whether she likes it or not. Being gay really isn't something you need to ask for her permission for. Don't let her have that kind of power over you.

10-26-2014, 09:26 PM

^^^ What Borg said

10-26-2014, 11:56 PM

Borg69 Wrote:Don't let your sense of self worth ride on the opinions of others - even if it is your sister. Be YOU. Whether she likes it or not. Being gay really isn't something you need to ask for her permission for. Don't let her have that kind of power over you.

This.

And I wouldn't "re-come out", just tell her that you don't like those comments being made because you are gay. Whatever troubles she has over your sexuality are hers alone and making comments like that is something you shouldn't put up with.

10-27-2014, 12:19 AM

Are you Facebook friends? Does she see you with other guys, being affectionate or whatnot, either in person or online?

ceez · 10-27-2014, 12:57 AM

ShiftyNJ Wrote:Are you Facebook friends? Does she see you with other guys, being affectionate or whatnot, either in person or online?

we are but I hardly use facebook anymore. thanks for the replies, I'm just kind of lost right now. I don't feel like I should have to come out but everyone assumes I'm straight and I hate lying to everyone. I wish I could move without anyone knowing and just start over.

10-27-2014, 01:09 AM

Well, you don't "have" to do either. Do what makes you comfortable. Do you have a guy and/or are actively dating? I'm guessing from your message the rest of your family doesn't know either? Do you live with/are you financially beholden to them?

I fretted about all this for a long time. I was 30 when I came clean with my folks. They had known for years and were waiting for me to say something. I know everybody's life is different, but maybe the people in yours need to see that a gay man can be masculine and/or not what they think a gay man is.

Oh, and read my quote. Smile

LJay · 10-27-2014, 01:12 AM

She already knows you're gay. Frustrating as it is, you simply have to let her deal with her denial.

What about the rest of the family? Friends? If they know you ae gay she will have to face it. Whatever that situation may be, the problem is hers, not yours.

10-27-2014, 01:28 AM

Yes actually being 'straight acting' does confuse people, especially those who don't have many LGBT people in their life.

I hate to say it but the stereotype gay is what most people still expect, even those who are a bit more into the scene or have LGBT associates can be thrown when it comes to the straight acting gay.

I would just go about his not so much 'coming out again' but just enforcing what you said previously, reminding her that you will not be dating a woman, that you prefer men and would appreciate it if she worried that you would bring home the wrong type of fellow a bit more because her lack of worrying that you will bring home a stone cold killer thug makes you feel like she doesn't care.

You know, use a bit of humor to lighten it.

Stages of Grief applies to most things, humans have to go through denial, bargaining, anger, depression before they reach acceptance.

Borg69 · 10-27-2014, 01:40 AM

ceez Wrote:we are but I hardly use facebook anymore. thanks for the replies, I'm just kind of lost right now. I don't feel like I should have to come out but everyone assumes I'm straight and I hate lying to everyone. I wish I could move without anyone knowing and just start over.

Their assumptions doesn't = you lying. Just BE gay, and "out". You don't have to announce it or get validation from them. Do you need to announce and get validation to take a dump, or do you just do it regardless of others opinions?