10-27-2014, 01:14 AM
I have a startling and surprising confession to make: I turned down an easy lay. Since Thursday, someone from my past has basically thrown himself at me. We fooled around in middle school, then ceased contact; recently out of the blue he contacted me saying he has craved me ever since. I no longer know this person. Suddenly he with graphic detail describes his fantasies to me, begging me to plow him. I have never gotten this sort of attention and I am beside myself. After a day I have learned that he has recently come out to himself, after burying his sexuality in two straight relationships. This time I take part in the dirty talk and it's pleasurable; he insists we make plans to meet. We make plans, I go to a sex shop to buy condoms and lube. I feel like I'm dreaming. The plans we made were for today, and the issues in the back of my mind come to the surface: I am not willing to offer my body to someone I hardly know and do not trust; he invited himself into my bed and took my response for granted; I may want sex, but I do not want him; and there is the memory of his guardian sharing a story of how he became violent and erratic. He has shown me that he is erratic, and I begin to worry for my safety. He makes public that he attends Narcotics Anonymous, and there is speculation that he has untreated bipolar. I call the meeting off. I remain dazed. I do not regret my decision, but I feel my judgment has been impaired. I did not intend to cause him or myself harm, but I worry I have handled this clumsily and given him reason for emotional pain in a situation that I think already was difficult.
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Capricorn
