Spent Time with My Crush

[Sensibility]

Hi all. So I'm in my 3rd year of undergrad. Well, during my freshmen year, I met a guy whom I decided to call shorty (he's 6'6). We had a mutual friend and so that's how I started to get to know him. I got to know him little by little, and unfortunately as I am prone to doing, developed a crush. Well he graduated last year ( my sophomore year) and I happened to see him on the last day of school. We talked a bit and said out good byes and hugged and that was that. I didn't expect to ever see him again. I'd assumed we'd go our separate ways. Well, about a month ago I got a message from him catching up with me. We exchanged a few messages, and me being the bold (pushy?) person that I am, I asked if I could go visit him in his hometown. He gave the go ahead, so I left for his hometown on Friday and hung out with him all weekend. I just left his place today actually, and I'm in the airport headed back to Washington. Well I had gotten over my feelings for him, painfully. But it was incredible to be able to spend time with him again, and it stirred up my feelings again. At one point we were hanging out with a friend of his from highschool, and that friend mentioned Shorty's ex girlfriend. I wasn't surprised, but I wont pretend like I wasn't saddened. Anyways, I had a great time with him, and I'm glad I got to spend the weekend with him. I never told him about my feelings. Sometimes it sucks being gay. You can't just let yourself like someone. You have to ask yourself, is this person straight? If they are, you have to freeze your feelings and not allow any attachment... It's tiring. And sometimes I'm not successful and I become attached and it hurts. Sad rant, over.

[Camfer]

No, it doesn't suck being gay. It sucks having a hidden agenda with a friend. I know this from experience.

[CuriousPhoenix]

I know the feeling. I had a crush on a friend at college for about a year. I thought I got over it but every time I see the person, it reminds me of how I feel about them.

Gay or Straight, they have to go through the same thing when they meet the new people. Its just that they have to only ask if the person is interested in them.

Being gay just makes us add one more step when meeting new people and friends. That step being us asking ourselves or them if they are gay and then if so, are they interested in me. We are all capable of having platonic relationships with the sex that we are attracted to.

[Radbot42]

I had a crush on my roommates friend during my last year of college. He was incredibly flirty with me and it didn't help. All of the guys were straight, but flirty with each other. It was weird but what was I supposed to do. Although I was crushing on him, the feelings did not get in the way of our friendship. I haven't heard from him in forever though.

[Bluelight]

You can't just let yourself like someone. You have to ask yourself, is this person straight? If they are, you have to freeze your feelings and not allow any attachment...

Mmhmm... what pisses me off more is when people act like you're not allowed to think straight people are cute or attractive, especially when it's a catty straight girl saying it. It's like "BACK OFF! MY TERRITORY!". And I'm like bitch stfu, what difference is it gonna make anyway? I'm allowed to like whoever the f*ck I want, and god forbid he should like me or another guy instead of you, well the stats are against me but that would certainly serve your stupid ass right lol

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Sometimes it sucks being gay. You can't just let yourself like someone. You have to ask yourself, is this person straight? If they are, you have to freeze your feelings and not allow any attachment... It's tiring. And sometimes I'm not successful and I become attached and it hurts. Sad rant, over.

No, it doesn't suck being gay. It sucks having a hidden agenda with a friend. I know this from experience.

Hmm. I fear that this leap in logic isn't that far off considering the full story.

Sensibility, I have several good friends who are male and straight.

The guy I still call 'the brother-in-law' although his brother and I are no longer in a relationship, has been a rather good friend, and I do have a minor crush on him - to the point where if he wanted a bit of fun and play on the side I would do it for him :eek: :biggrin:.

But the thing is he knows I'm gay and while we joke around about 'gay situations and stuff', he also knows that any time he chooses to stop being straight I would be more than happy to be his first. :tongue:

THAT conversation took place in a duck blind and we were both armed at the time. Mind I have had conversations with armed individuals which ended with a 'hunting accident'. I have an interesting scar in my right thigh that occasionally reminds me to mind my words. :tongue:

Reality is I know he is straight and that hound won't hunt. Through the years the love I have for him is a lot more complicated. We are hunting buddies, pals, brothers, friends, and various other things to one another.

Having an ulterior motive to hang around Shorty ain't going to work. If you are hiding aspects of yourself so you can hang around with him, that ain't going to work.

Trust me, he will be pissed off to discover you gay and playing this game of being friendly in order to 'get' at him, even if he is bi or gay. People do not like to be played.

And if he is straight, he still needs to know that you are gay. Mind Gay doesn't have to be a big deal, but if you are purposefully leading him to believe one thing about you when the truth is something else, when he does find out he will feel that that trust you two may have just doesn't exist.

I suggest you find a way to come out to him about your sexuality, learn his stance on 'The Gay'. If he is intolerant then he needs to be able to make his choice if he wants a gay man in his life. Hiding it from him and pretending to be his buddy will not do any good, if anything when he discovers you are gay it will only deepen his distrust of gays in general and be all the proof he needs to hate on the gay a little harder.

Honesty is the best policy. this doesn't mean it won't hurt, it only means that in most situations the hurt is far less than the untruths.

[Rareboy]

They don't call them crushes for no reason.

[Sensibility]

Thanks for the feedback you guys. I was reading your comments and I realized I must have left out an important detail. I've already told him I'm gay long before I went and visited him.

I decided not to tell him how I felt. I think it would create an awkward tension. When it comes down to it, I know I can move on.