My Agoraphobia story

[CardShark]

The begging of my fear began when school ended, so while walking home through the alley way with a friend their was 12 of so kids infront of me one of them wearing an balaclavar and one was wearing a ring, so I kinda dropped back behind my friend (didn't notice, com'on he know martial arts! don't judge me ) so one of them punch him and then they start attacking me, I practically black out (it was only a few seconds) I'm on the floor so I get up and start limping off, I get hme and notice a mark on my face and realize i was punched with a rather large ring and a few bruises, then find my knee is bleeding a lot from being thrown on the floor I couldn't move my knee without pain for nearly a month and I still have on off pains from that and a small scar.

I know its really not much of a beating but it was more the mental effect on me, at this point it was a two or so month gap before I started college, my friend also was suffering from agrophobia this is what gave me a good excuse for not going out of the house so I just played on the computer for that whole two months with my friend on a role play game.

College is beginning, I'm not at all scared about the course what I'm shitting myself over is the getting their, I decide to have my mum drop me off at my friends house so we can walk together.
Something I really hated was that I had to walk past the school with a lot of people coming and going, so this one kid walks past me and calls me a pussy hole completely freaks me out again, so every time I go to college I get a lift from my mum getting at college at around eight in the morning and getting a lift back, the college is in walking distanse though.

The worst point of this was when college ended and I was unemployed, throughout the unemployment my paranoia hit a new level I couldn't turn the TV or Monitor on without covering up the windows, I had the curtains closed but I had to put more sheets over it and some point I had cardboard covering it, but I couldn't put it infront of the sheets as i thought it might attract problems, so I had to make it sure the curtains looked normal but no light was getting through.
I insisted that their be a light on at night to make it look like someone is at home, as I was paranoid if we didn't someone would break in.
Whenever my mum went out that was where I really got freaked out, at one point I just sat in the dark waiting for her to get back before I turned on the TV or Computer.
I didn't open my curtains for that whole time throughout college and my unemployment, never opened the window nothing.
If the door bell rang or my mobile phone rang I started shacking which was uncontrolable, just like I would if I was freaked out.

I have never been able to get the thought that if I go out I could get jumped, that thought is always pinned in the back of my head, this is why I drive if I want to go shops I have to drive I will not walk out of fear.
Anyone wearing tracksuit bottoms will still intimidate me like hell, and large gatherings of people can still freak me out a little.

Not many people understand agrophobia they just think that you need to grow up, I think my story goes to show how much effect being attacked can have on you (ignore my bad grammar and spelling, I wrote it in notepad)

[fjp999]

My first apartment outside the uni dorm was a half way house... I didnt know this when I moved in.

My roomie had ma.e friends with one of the tenants who was a true multi-personality... we rarely saw his/her roomie as she suffered from debilitating agoraphobia. Bob asked me to go downstairs to get some ice from his roomie. I knocked at the door and thought I heard something answer but wasnt sure. I knocked again saying that Bob had sent me downstairs to get some ice... after a few minutes the door slowly opened just enough for a hand to pass out a bowl of ice. I barely saw the womans face.

Hope your agoraphobia never gets as bad as hers and you are able to function

[CardShark]

I just didn't answer my door , which is why I had to cover up the windows.

[sparky71]

Thanks for sharing your'e story cardshark, it was very emotional for me reading it. I was attacked a few years ago by 3 youths on a housing project, they basically bricked me in the head a few yimes and I had to go to hospital for stitches. I got through it all by crying a lot and trying to go out as much as possible. The main thing to remember is not to take it personnaly, its them who have the problem not you. Thanks again for an open and honest post I think you are a very brave man.

[princealbertofb]

Card, I think you might benefit from some therapy sessions, don't you?
I know the kind of experience you've had doesn't make it easy to get over such a violent situation. I don't suppose you reported the attack to the police? This is completely unacceptable, however. It should not happen again, and should not be allowed to happen again. But the only way to stop things like that happening is to report them.

[CardShark]

Thanks sparky.They play too many video games violent video games.


I reported it so did a few other people, they did fuck all we even gave a name and the copper knew him. But it did take them nearly 3 days to show up, after I got stood up twice by them.
I don't need a shrink, I'm not that paranoid anymore that was like a year or two ago now.

[XRIMO]

Well since I don't know how severly you still suffer from agoraphobia, I can suggest one thing if you still have any lingering stress from it. There is a wonderful book called 'When Panic Attacks'. I bought it last year when I was going through my insomnia, under the advice of a counselor. It is an interesting book, and I know that the author even has a story or two about people who suffered from agoraphobia.
Anyway, thats my advice. Gotta keep your spirits high.

[CardShark]

I have no money for any new books.
I have quite a few self help books though, I lov'em very interesting books all in all, not all that helpful though

[fjp999]

I have quite a few self help books though, I lov'em very interesting books all in all, not all that helpful though

I kinda agree. I find all this stuff very interesting and hope someone finds a way to use the info in real life but I have never been able to control the universe no matter how positive my frame of mind is

[sparky71]

Youre right card self help books can be very interesting(have made a point of reading most of them over the years)but as fjp999 says there is little point in reading them unless you use them to walk the talk. Used to read about 2 a day at one point and actually forgot to implement the message they are kind of pointless otherwise.