What Should I Do?

[abcd1234]

I recently met a guy and we really hit it off. WE have lots in common and doing it the old fashioned way and getting to know each other before we jump into bed. However there is an issue and I don't know how to broach the subject so I need you guy's advice. It seems like when we're cuddling or caressing he seems to have a stale smell.Like when some people don't wash behind their ears. I don't know if it's his clothes also. I'm not sure if it's his behind too. Now this guy is so caring and down to earth but I don't know what to do.Should I mention it to him in a discreet way. How should I word it? It's just that I like being close to him but the smell is a little offensive and turns me off. It's not that strong but I'm still aware of it. Please tell me how you think I should go about this.Thank you.

[meridannight]

invite him to shower with you one day he's over at your place (or when you're over at his, and ''need'' to take an immediate shower). you'll get him clean AND get to see him naked .

if he refuses, then you don't really have a choice, and you gotta be upfront about it.

[Steve]

I'd be upfront about it, but you may have to handle it slightly underhanded.

[COLOR="DarkGreen"]But that's not what's worrying me. It's how to do it.
These things must be done delicately or you hurt the spell.[/COLOR]

The next time you see him, be sweet, hug him, then sniff the air a couple of times. Make it obvious. Act mystified. Ask him, "What is that smell? Do you smell that? What is it?" Then go on a quest to find the exact source of the smell. Be sweet about it. When you locate the smell gently guide him into cleaning whatever it is, him, his clothes, etc. As long as you're sweet about it he'll never know. Repeat as necessary.

You can be honest about it from the start as well. I'm all for being as honest as possible. You sounded as if you were worried about how to tell him without hurting his feelings, so sometimes a bit of directed, well meaning subterfuge is necessary.

Mark and I are a little more crass. We remind each other about old Sophie Tucker jokes told by Bette Midler.

I will never forget it you know. It was my honeymoon with my boyfriend Ernie we were on the Silverchief we had a car all to ourselves when suddenly, I cut the cheese. Ernie said "Oh my God, Soph is that you? Did you just fart?" I said of course I did! You think I always smell like this?!"

[Bowyn Aerrow]

The assumption here is that he doesn't bath. This may not be the case. It may actually be his pheromones or natural scent.

Humans have worked diligently to stomp out the natural odor and replace it with things like Old Spice, Channel, and now Axe. It is a form of lying which no one seems to understand as such. however humans do rely on the sense of smell when picking their partner. It is possible he smells 'stale' to you and only you because you two are not biologically (scent wise) compatible.

This incompatibility on the biological level shouldn't be to big of a problem, as long as you two don't procreate, your offspring will be horrific. :tongue:

The other issue here is age has its own scent:
http://healthland.time.com/2012/05/31/ol...tists-say/

http://web-japan.org/trends00/honbun/tj990921.html

The last link is more important because you described this odor as 'stale' which is typical of the 'old person smell'. Furthermore you are uncertain if its in his clothes, which suggests to me his whole body 'out gasses' this chemistry.

" A researcher at Shiseido Laboratories has traced the problem to a fatty acid known as palmitoleic acid. He has also learned that the body of a person up to about the age of 30 does not secrete a noticeable amount of this substance, but that once a person--whether male or female--hits 40, the volume rises sharply. The volume of palmitoleic acid released by the human body is 10 times as great among people in their seventies as in their forties."

http://synbio4all.org/Old_people_odor talks about the technomancy science part of chemistry.

Mind this has nothing to do with bathing and showering, it is acid being secreted out of the body, like water vapor constantly escapes the skin, or like body oil which no amount of bathing completely gets rid of.

Chances are high that the older you get the more musty/stale you will smell - you know like old people.

Since you are 57 I assume the guy you are dating is around that age.

Mind I think diet also plays a role, but I'm uncertain as to the links there. Vegans and Vegetarians appear to have this old person smell at earlier ages, so something about the lack of fatty acids in the diet may be linked to this.

[reaper]

invite him to shower with you one day he's over at your place (or when you're over at his, and ''need'' to take an immediate shower). you'll get him clean AND get to see him naked .

if he refuses, then you don't really have a choice, and you gotta be upfront about it.

This. An erotic shower would solve all your problems, lol.

[East]

EEK......I have had this same situation before and it didn't end well.....except it was with a woman. I have also had it with a few men but I kinda shyed away from them...

This woman didn't take a bath...ever..she threw on perfume to try to mask the oder. It was gross....

Everyone was complaining about it and I tried to be subtle initially by asking her if she had an allergy to soap..or maybe her shower wasn't working?.... but I couldn't take it anymore so I brought her a bottle of vinegar and water and told her "it's not just for salads"....

She thought I was giving her some free salad dressing.. seriously.....

So I told her that there are 90 stray cats outside screaming BUFFET and I had the unpleasant duty to tell them there really wasn't any dead fish in the building..

She STILL didn't get it....

So I told her point blank that her vagina reeked and the entire building smelled like dead fish and people were gagging leaving the building and pretty much everyone was talking about it...and the perfume didn't mask the smell at all.

That didn't go over well...at all....

She did change though but of course she shot the messenger.

You can't win them all....

Good Luck with whatever plan you use BTW....I am anxious to hear about it now.

[meridannight]

So I told her that there are 90 stray cats outside screaming BUFFET

haha! lols, this is the funniest thing i've heard in a while.

and the perfume didn't mask the smell at all.

this reminds me that sometimes it's the perfume that's the problem. once when i used public transportation there was this woman there who it appeared had doused herself in a whole bottle of whatever perfume she was using. you're not supposed to smell that thing from 3 meters/10 feet away you know! i wanted to ask her if she wanted to smell repulsive on purpose but i restrained myself that time. but i will never get that thing some people have with using their perfumes.

[spilovn]

i had a similiar problem with a guy, he was really clean but it was his breath, even when he cleaned his teeth (because i flat out told him his breath smelled) it was still there, lurking, i came to the conclusion he had halitosis

http://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&source=...tooNGAhgaQ

but he didnt seem to want to believe me, saying everybody had bad breath sometimes.

I stopped seeing him soon after.

[East]

haha! lols, this is the funniest thing i've heard in a while.

LOL...yeah...I heavily censor my humor on the internet because I am not a talented enough writer to pull if off without insulting people...I left out a lot of my other suggestions LOL...it was a three day ordeal to the finale. Once I opened that door I had to see it to the end because no one else was gonna tell her.

this reminds me that sometimes it's the perfume that's the problem. once when i used public transportation there was this woman there who it appeared had doused herself in a whole bottle of whatever perfume she was using. you're not supposed to smell that thing from 3 meters/10 feet away you know! i wanted to ask her if she wanted to smell repulsive on purpose but i restrained myself that time. but i will never get that thing some people have with using their perfumes.

OMG...I sent this drag queen waiter I had at the bar home one night for actually TAKING A BATH in some famous actress's perfume before he came to work. He was a ditz and I generally overlooked most of his drama but that night he stunk so bad ...it was hideous. He threw a tantrum on his way out but when he walked out the door everyone cheered...

The nightclub was nutts to butts with people and his stench couldn't be avoided. I made an enemy of him that night...he never got past it....

[dynamodean]

I've come upon a few reekers in my time, and when it's really offensive and annoying there isn't much one can do but be upfront about it. I've done the coy and subtle thing with mixed results. Some get it and are cool with it, some never get it unless you spell it out to them, and some get downright nasty when they figure what you're trying to say. The worst offenders of course are those that think cologne or perfume can take the place of showering.

I think the best suggestion would be suggesting to shower together, or even mention that you sense a little B.O. but you'd be more than happy to help him "take care of it".