Sexual tendencies

[jknguia1980]

I met my best friend alvaro and my girlfriend samantha in high school... Back when I first my alvaro in freshman year, we couldn't go through a day without seeing each other at all. Its like we were meant to be brothers. Now I'm straight, well I believe I am... It was until I started to have these gay sexual fantasies when I'm sometimes around him, he was just such a good looking guy. I found myself waking up in the middle of night and thinking about him then i start to touch myself. But in my head I kept asking myself why I am doing this, I know I'm straight but its just these thoughts I get all the time.

So then I decided to get a girlfriend to just stop my gay tendencies towards my bestfriend. Samantha and I had a good connection relationship-wise, my attention was on her most of the time so Alvaro could get of my head. Ever since I got with her, I started to hang less with Alvaro making Sam my priority. Alvaro was sad I know... I started to care less, therefore my gay fantasies had stopped. Now.... Its been 6 years and I'm still with samantha, happily in love.

All of t sudden like a couple weeks ago, I got a call from Alvaro, of course I was surprised, I haven't heard from him in a while. He asked to hang out again and of course I didn't hesitate to say no to that. I was anxious to see him again and we met at a local starbucks, god he looked like a fucking model. We gave each other a bear hug... Quite a long one, I was happy to see him again and BAM. the thoughts started to come back. Him and I talked for hours there and didn't break eye contact at all. He looked Happy but I'm really surprised how he doesn't have a girlfriend, a good looking man without a girlfriend? After our meet up, we went our seperate ways... I got home and I couldn't stop thinking about him, I started to touch myself again... Later on I would have sex with my girlfriend and I would imagine its alvaro all the time.

I'm just a bit confused. I love Samantha but I keep thinking about Alvaro. Am I just longing for him? Is this just a gay phase? Or am I gay just thinking about him all the time?