okay. The jitters have set in. 7 weeks, 4 days to go.

[Virge]

7 weeks and four days and I'm stepping off into the unknown. For the first time in my life I will be sharing my personal space and life with one person hopefully for decades unless I screw it up. It dawned on me yesterday and my nerves are wrecked about it tot he point I've been having mini-panic attacks about every 30 minutes for the past four hours.

I have 53 more days that I can take up a whole bed and not worry if my breath stinks when I wake up.

I have 53 days to stop referring to things as mine and start calling them ours.

I'll have to plan real meals for two instead of eating what I want to eat when i get ready to eat.

Already I've made my best friend/room-mate move to the furthest bedroom and bath from mine to make sure there's "space" for a new person in my life, day and night. It's like I'm putting him one step above being one of my dogs -- who won't be sleeping on the bed anymore.

I'm trying to think of everything that could go wrong even though he keeps telling me there's nothing to worry about. He says all sorts of shit will go wrong and we'll figure it out as it happens. I even had a horrible thought that after a month he'll wake up and decide all of this was a bad idea and he should go back home.

Hey, I already know all the advice that you guys can give cuz I stayed on the phone with my brother and Mom most the night getting it from them. I've run three times and had to get up in class and walk outside to catch my breath. I skipped my 2nd class to drive around and try to think this through. My brain is on a loop just repeating the same crap over and over.

It's even effecting me physically. I feel sick and nauseous to the point I almost threw up while driving. Then my brain really screwed with me. I heard a little voice say, "don't worry, it'll all be over in 53 days." But the way it sounded was like a date of execution instead of something to be happy about.

I've come home and half dosed on PTSD meds. There's no way I'm going to have everything ready in 53 days. I came home to get started on all that needs to be done but need to get over the nausea first.

Fuck. Give me the woosy trophy if you want. I never saw this coming.

[TwisttheLeaf]

Yoga, man. Now is a VERY good time to take up yoga. Go find yourself a class and start going 1x-2x a week. It'll help. I promise.

[Rareboy]

Breathe.

As someone who has spent 24 hours per day, 360 days+/- each year with the same guy for the last 33 years....trust me.

You will not care about your breath after a week.

The dogs will be back sleeping on the bed.

You will still have days when you just decide to eat crap in front of the TV because neither of you planned anything.

Obviously it is all about sharing.....sharing physical and emotional space, sharing stuff....sharing responsibilities............sharing all the good, the bad and the ugly.

I can guarantee that there will be the anxieties all the way up to the big day.........otherwise it wouldn't be a very big day would it.

Stop trying to figure out and head off everything that you think might go wrong. Because the shit that does go pear shaped is shit you didn't even see coming. And almost all of it is small stuff. As long as you don't sweat all the small stuff....you'll both be able to deal with any of the big stuff.

You have everyone's best wishes for the life ahead of you.....now relax a bit and learn to enjoy it.

[Virge]

Leaf --- I used to do yoga when I went to the gym and liked it. I may have to juggle things and get back in the habit.

Breathe.

As someone who has spent 24 hours per day, 360 days+/- each year with the same guy for the last 33 years....trust me.
You will not care about your breath after a week.
The dogs will be back sleeping on the bed.
You will still have days when you just decide to eat crap in front of the TV because neither of you planned anything.
Obviously it is all about sharing.....sharing physical and emotional space, sharing stuff....sharing responsibilities............sharing all the good, the bad and the ugly.
I can guarantee that there will be the anxieties all the way up to the big day.........otherwise it wouldn't be a very big day would it.
Stop trying to figure out and head off everything that you think might go wrong. Because the shit that does go pear shaped is shit you didn't even see coming. And almost all of it is small stuff. As long as you don't sweat all the small stuff....you'll both be able to deal with any of the big stuff.
You have everyone's best wishes for the life ahead of you.....now relax a bit and learn to enjoy it.

I understand the physiology of what I'm going through. It's fight or flight surges of adrenalin when I have those negative thoughts and look into the unknown. I'm better now and will be even better once I my butt in gear and get some things done to feel more prepared and start re-programming my brain with some new thoughts. The one thing that you said that really helped was the dogs will be back sleeping on the bed. That was a huge DUHH when I visualized them giving their award winning heart broken look to Jay blaming him for it all. They can guilt him into giving them any food they want so it won't take long.

But after I was getting over that..... hahahhahaha! I had to take a dump and noticed dust on the baseboard tiles and started cleaning it up before I even bothered to wipe my butt.

I'm going to get past this --- but DAMN --- I never saw it coming.

[Maverick]

Virge,

Having the jitters is normal, it’s a big change in your life, and one of those “first events” that you want to do right. Easy to say, harder to do, but you have to put it out of your mind before you drive yourself crazy.

Your significant other said it correctly; “all sorts of shit will go wrong, but we’ll figure it out as it happens”. That is very true, and the key element in that statement is, “both of you are willing to figure it out”. And hence lies the problem with most relationships that fail, the willingness to work through the issues/misfortune/ troubles that will eventually crop up.

I truly feel that as long as you are lucky enough to be with someone who’s a mature adult, no matter what the “issue” is, you can talk through it and resolve the conflict. The key element there is mature, because some people never grow up… no matter how old they are.

So Virge, stop worrying (again, easier said than done). You’ve been on this road with Jay for a long time, you’re both smart, you both respect each other (respect, another key word) and you’ve already developed communication/troubleshooting skills. Whatever life throws your way, you guys can work through it…. put your trust in that! And as far as that dust, now you'll have another person to help with all the chores... a win/win situation!

[Virge]

You're right Mav. Every word is right. I just need to get my brain back on the right track... and Jay is doing hard core tough love about it so that makes me feel like a total fucked up emotional wreck.

I sent him a long email from the core of my soul after starting this thread.

He wrote back "good to know. I'm staying here til you hatch some fresh confidence, boy."

See why I hate him? hahahhaha! He can push all my danged buttons blindfolded. Now I'm too mad to be worried. I haven't been called "boy" in years.

[Borg69]

You've been to war and you live with Stingray... how much worse could it get??? If you can live through that, you can make it through anything.

RELAX.

Everything will be fine. And he's right... you'll figure it out as you go. You'll have your space, his space, and shared space... (and Stingray's space). Things seem to work themselves out on their own, for the most part.

Be flexible, compromising, honest, and communicate - and you shouldn't have any problems.

... and you'll always have US to vent to.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Hey, I already know all the advice that you guys can give cuz I stayed on the phone with my brother and Mom most the night getting it from them.

Thanks asshole for regulating me to the 'mom-zone'.... :tongue:

You will do fine. No doubt Mom told you that these jitters will hit more frequently and with greater strength as 'The Day' approaches...


Ah to be young, in love with all this change stuff going on... Glad its you and not me!


:biggrin:

[CarGuy65]

Hey Virge, relax! If you don't get all the little things done, it may be a good chance for Jay to give you his input on how to arrange things once he gets there. Besides, if he is bringing any of his stuff with him, you will probably have to rearrange things anyway. Don't sweat the small stuff. He is coming here for you! That's whats important. Wish you two all the best!

[ShiftyNJ]

I met my dude and -- after six months of courting -- we were sharing space pretty much full time after the second date (two rooms, plus his crazy kitten and -- a few months later -- a psycho cat dumped on his by his former roomie). That was 11 years ago. We've survived each getting laid off, moving in together (in thankfully a lot more space), his dad dying, our parish imploding and forcing us to flee, and a whole lot of other stuff we could not have planned for. You just sit down and figure it out.

You guys obviously trust each other and communicate well. Surviving a long distance deal would not work otherwise. I think you will be fine, and that what you're feeling is normal, because you have a lot invested in making it work. It will not follow the script, and in the long run you figure out that's okay. Enjoy the ride!