My BF is getting more violent

[BlueLotus]

[COLOR="Navy"][SIZE="4"]So more and more into this relationship, my boyfriend of two years has been growing violent, especially when things don't go the way he pictures something, if i don't want to say anything to him, or if he's just got a stomach ache. He's hit and choked me a couple of different times and also gets verbally abusive.

I really love him but this has been making me feel seperate emotionally from him. I feel like i'm not at home when I'm with him. I've been thinking about leaving him but i don't want to if there's a way i can fix things.

I'm just looking for someone to talk to. Maybe there's something i'm doing wrong to make him get like this. Any help would be immensely appreciated. Thank You[/SIZE][/COLOR]

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Um its not you.

I have done the whole 'abusive boy friend' too many times. And went through the same thought process of 'if only I was the better person' and 'if only I would stop making him angry'. Yes you really love him, I loved the man who landed me up in casts and sutures for a minor hospital stay, I also loved the guy who only broke my heart and my arm. I really truly loved the guy who sweet talked a needle full of meth in my arm...



I will picture that one for you because of those experiences this actually did the least amount of long term harm....

This happens to nearly all victims of abuse. The survivors of abuse call it what it is and put a stop to it by getting away from the abuser.

He is choking you, he is hitting you, he is calling you all manner of vile things, he is making you feel guilty for HIS actions...

I'm sorry, but abusers rarely quit abusing, it just gets worse and worse, and no matter how much they promise 'Oh baby, I promise it won't ever happen again!' it does happen again.

You need to get out of this situation, unless you want to end up being able to post a picture of some other horror in your life and say 'that abuse shit is worse than this other shit I did which was horrifying and life crippling, but actually less horrifying and less life crippling than that ex of mine who choked me, slapped around, called me all manner of vile things....

But you know what is worse here? If he is already choking you, then the potential is that someone else is going to have to post....

I had a friend once, but his boy friend killed him.

[Rareboy]

Sorry.

It isn't you. Your boyfriend is the problem here. And he not only won't stop...he'll only get more violent. And if you put up with it you are only being an enabler. Read up on spousal abuse and make yourself the promise that you won't end up as the victim.

The best thing you can do is to tell him to get professional counselling to deal with his rage issues, but I wouldn't do it while you are together.

The best thing you can do is to put as much distance between you and your boyfriend as possible.

[CellarDweller]

You are not the problem, your boyfriend is. He has anger management issues and he's going to continue to hurt you (both physically and mentally) until he chooses to get help.

This is beyond your control, you can't help him, you can only help yourself, which means you need to leave.

[Hardheaded1]

I grew up watching my mother in such an abusive relationship. Get out. Get help. Make an exit plan and do it.

In straight couples, it has been statistically proven that men who choke their partners are much more likely to kill them. Be aware. It it a bright line your partner has crossed.

[Miles]

Leave him.

[DonJon]

Oh my, I can't even imagine what are you going through right now, BlueLotus. To be part of this ordeal, wherein not only the physical, emotional or mental are damaged, but also the self-worth of an individual. I only hope that you'll get through this stronger and with grace. I never had experienced anything like what you're going through right now nor imagine myself to be in that situation. What I only know is that love between two people must be mutual. If you love him you won't hurt him any way possible physical, emotional or anyhow. Same as, if he loves you, he won't hurt you as well. This may sound trite, but the truth is, sometimes you have to let go even if you love him, especially if he violently hurts you just like what he's doing to you right now, because you'll never where this will take you.

I'm on the same page with everyone right here. Your boyfriend doesn't deserve your love. He needs to get back on his tracks before earning the love you have for him.

I commend, Bowyn Aerrow for being brave enough to carry on despite the terrible, terrible experience. Blessings!

[BrianNorth]

Once that line has been crossed there is no going back. It's not you. There is nothing you could do that would deserve any physical violence. Get out while you still can. Don't take this person back or listen to the 'But I'll improve! I wont hit you'. The moment they see red it'll go out the window.

[East]

Abuse and violence in gay relationships is a serious problem... and rarely reported....

As everyone has said...it is NEVER your fault...period. Do not start justifying it or making excuses for his behavoir. He has a problem and it needs to be addressed.

I would suggest getting away from him as soon as possible before it escalates anymore...and it WILL escalate.

[LJay]

Get out now. Get help for yourself. You must not tolerate violence.