My BF is getting more violent

[MikeW]

Anyone who abuses you is not your friend, boy or otherwise. Leave, asap.

[Lexington]

There's no excuse for getting violent with your partner. Ever. It's never "something you did". "Something you did" might make him unhappy or upset or any number of things, but there's zero excuse for the violence.

Seriously, get the fuck out. Now. Tell him you're done, and you won't even consider continuing the relationship until he goes through anger management courses. Find yourself somewhere else - ANYWHERE else - to stay for the time being.

Lex

[Doofus89]

Get away from him! Get as far away as possible. Leave him and NEVER look back. He may try everything in his power to keep you or get you back, but it's under false pretenses and he WILL continue the abuse and the abuse WILL only get WORSE if you go back. Only advice I have is to leave now before it gets worse.

[matty7]

Leave now - violence is not love

[palbert]

Leave now before the violence and abuse worsen, and don't be cajoled back.

To domestic violence experts, choking is not just another element in a brutal attack. It is a harbinger of potential murder.

Domestic violence victims who are choked are at significant risk for being killed. The Chicago Women's Health Risk Study, which examined how to predict domestic violence homicide, found that 12 percent of women whose partners choked them were later killed, compared with 6 percent of women who had been attacked but not choked.

http://articles.chicagotribune.com/2009-...ked-attack

[mvoco]

First and foremost, you are not the problem. And you cannot "fix" this. He might make all kinds of promises but in the end he won't change.

It's not easy but you NEED to leave. Staying will only end badly for you. Is there a friend or family member you can talk to about this? I really think you should share this with someone you know. It'll make things a little easier having someone in the know and on your side. You might think it's a drastic move but it is honestly the only solution. The man is hurting you. You need to protect yourself and the only way to do that is to leave and go somewhere safe.

Best of luck.

[Jake]

So let me go across the current from whatever people said here. It's TOTALLY YOUR FAULT.

So more and more into this relationship, my boyfriend of two years has been growing violent

The keyword here is "growing", which implies that you've seen it coming. The question is why did you let it happens?

especially when things don't go the way he pictures something, if i don't want to say anything to him, or if he's just got a stomach ache.

So you didn't cook his steak to perfection, YOU should have known better than to say or do something he doesn't like. Yes, you're to blame!

He's hit and choked me a couple of different times and also gets verbally abusive.

I believe he didn't actually hit or choked you, you took his arm and hit yourself with it, and you nicely put your neck around his hands and ask him to squeeze. Yep TOTALLY YOUR FAULT.

I really love him but this has been making me feel seperate emotionally from him. I feel like i'm not at home when I'm with him. I've been thinking about leaving him but i don't want to if there's a way i can fix things.

So you LOVE someone that is abusive to you, you don't feel at home, and you believe you can fix it. Right. Again it's totally your fault, either because you have a serious lack of self-esteem, which YOU allowed your abuser (that's no boyfriend) get his way with you.

Of course, if you discuss with him, when he had calm down he'll apologize, saying that he has lost control, and YOU forgive him, even though when you wake up in the morning you're nervous as to know which part of your body will be marked by its violent behavior again.

I'm just looking for someone to talk to. Maybe there's something i'm doing wrong to make him get like this. Any help would be immensely appreciated. Thank You

Of course there's something you're doing wrong. EVERYTHING YOU DO IS WRONG. It's all based on how he feels. So if something when wrong at work, he'll come home and you kiss him on the cheek, but today he didn't want you to kiss him on the right cheek, he wanted you to kiss him on the left cheek, and just because you didn't know that today he wanted a kiss on the left cheek he'll give you a hard time, you'll try to say something and BANG your face gets printed on the wall. YEAH YOU'RE TOTALLY WRONG and it's certainly all because of you. But it's pardonable because, you know he had a harsh day today. But he takes it on you because YOU LET IT HAPPENS so yes it's ALL YOUR FAULT.

And you believe you can fix it? AGAIN IT'S YOUR FAULT why do you want to fix someone so perfect?

do you get the irony or should I put my behavioral psychologist coat and tell you everything that is WRONG WITH HIM.

VIOLENCE ISN'T A LOSS OF CONTROL, IT'S A VERY CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR THAT WILL GO FROM WORSE TO DRAMATICALLY WORSE. Are you that tired to live? One day it will happen that in its attempt to control you, he'll really lose his marble and you won't be around to tell us what happened that day.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Lotus,

I think you see that we are unanimous in this. We all know how this works out, either you stay and get abused more, or you run away.

I'm sorry if that breaks your heart (it will, no matter how bad they are it still hurts to go).

But for your own good you must leave him.

to give you some emotional strength to do what needs to be done.

[findingmyway]

You say you love him, but could you ever imagine treating him like he treats you? You deserve to be in a relationship where both parties ACTUALLY LOVE one another. It can't be one-sided. His violence towards you is the exit sign you need. Please walk through it and don't look back.
You are worth more.

[Hardheaded1]

I'd counsel being careful about how you leave. Make a plan. Many times my mother spazzed and fled, only to feel she HAD to go back because she had made no plan for getting a foothold anywhere else.

If you're not in imminent danger, take the time to get your mind wrapped around it, reach out to your family or friends to get a transition plan in place. If you are in imminent danger, get out without a plan, but you don't have to assume panic mode if it is not applicable.

Only you know your true status and danger. Follow your instinct, just like reaching out here at this time.