I've been wondering a lot recently about what I find attractive in others, thinking about what sets my spark a-flame. Most of the guys I date are "nice", but all too often, there's no spark. Nada. Nothing. It might stem from getting to know most of them online first, but I'm wondering if there should be flags to look for that say "hey, get to know this guy, things may go somewhere!".
I'm not sure, but I think for me, it's a certain level of intensity and energy (not to be cofused with aggression or anxiety), and someone who looks for things and not just let popular opinion drive their tastes/values/etc.
Is their a commonality with people you tend to fall for, and if so, what are they?
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Intensity...I like intense men. They all have that in common.
The other commonality...most everyone I have ever been attracted to romantically is an Aries. It very well could be a colossal coincidence or it could be astrological compatibility since they are my best match according to astrology...doesn't really matter though because it works for me...and it addresses your question about commonality
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The keyword for me has always been 'chemistry'. There are many many many turnoffs I have but usually I can figure those out pretty quick. It's always bothered me online when someone says 'Wow we have such a great connection!'. It's two people behind screens. We may have some common interests but outside of that it's a foreshadow of potential chemistry in person.
Mannerisms have always been a big thing for me. It's about all the animations and actions that stitch a person together. I've seen photos of a guy I thought looked amazing and in person it just wasn't the complete image I'd imagined. Voice is also a big thing for me. It's the icing ontop of the cake and if it doesn't further the chemistry then things tend to die right there.
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Most of my exes were charming, charismatic, dominating, treated me like a guarded treasure(1), mindful of who I was around all the time(1). Decisive, did most of the talking(2), were faultless(3), quick to commit, had strong feelings about my standards(4), and willing to tell me exactly how I should behave.
All of which are symptoms of abuser personalities.... Imagine that....
So I guess its a good thing for people to check their 'type' and what it is they find so intriguing about their partner(s). That was how I was able to stop the chain of abusers... mostly....in my life.
(1) jealously guarded treasure: With Jealousy
(2) we talked about what they wanted
(3) Never took the blame for their own actions
(4) Do as I say, not as I do
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some sort of underlying vulnerability. don't know if you understand what i mean by it, but that's highly attractive to me.
but i don't think this is 100% the case, i can be attracted to different types of guys. it's that i've found guys expressing this sort of vulnerability being the most attractive to me.
i think there is a lot more consistency to guys who are attracted to me than the other way around. i've noticed passive types/personalities are drawn to me for whatever reason. i get along with more tougher personalities just fine, but none of them have ever expressed romantic interest in me. it's always the passive types. i can feel attraction to both, but curiously i seem to attract only the passive ones.
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No. There are too many kinds of men that I like. Their personalities, their thinking, and their appearances vary widely.
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Well.....most people will probably tell you this is TOTALLY the wrong way to go, but...I discovered a long time ago that (to save time) I won't date a guy until after I have had casual sex with him. If the chemistry is there, and the sex is good, then I will go to the trouble of dating him. Otherwise, if I go to all the trouble to get to know somebody and then find out we aren't compatable in the sack, I'm just gonna get pissed off.
~Beaux
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