Is there a common denominator?

[Virge]

I agree 100000000000000% with Beaux and East.... and GLAD someone finally spoke up about it.

How is a meal together or going to a movie or anything like that going to help determine if two people have that indescribable connection for great sex?

When I hear or read about guys wanting to put off sex until they've dated a while I have to hold back from laughing or making fun of them.

[meridannight]

i'm 100% with Beaux, East, and Virge on this one. @East -- i'm so gonna steal that naked dinner thing from you. next time someone mentions date/dinner to me before sex, i'll tell them i'll take it, but only if they mean naked date/dinner.

.I discovered a long time ago that (to save time) I won't date a guy until after I have had casual sex with him. If the chemistry is there, and the sex is good, then I will go to the trouble of dating him. Otherwise, if I go to all the trouble to get to know somebody and then find out we aren't compatable in the sack, I'm just gonna get pissed off.
~Beaux

this is how i've found it works best too. sex is an excellent way to connect with a guy and it also shows your compatibility other than in sex. the way a guy communicates with you during sex, for example, in addition to his more exacting desires and needs.

i have tried the alternative, going on a date before sex, a few times, and it's always like looking for a needle in a haystack. it's a waste of time most of the time.

i've had friendships and other connections grow out of sex. i've had no connections grow out of dating. maybe it's also the fact that i'm much better at physical communication than verbal that strongly plays into this dynamic. guys who are better at communicating verbally would probably do better on dating. i'm explicitly physical.

[Virge]

Maybe you can can relate to this......
When Jay and I go out to eat or to a bar it's pretty obvious to everyone that we're a couple by the way we act, touch and talk to each other. I can't tell you the number of times someone has made a cute comment about us needing to get a room or knowing what we'll be doing when we get home.... and we usually start laughing about it... because chances are we just finished fucking, (sometimes not even showering off first) rushed to get dressed and are sitting there in that "lalala" mood that comes after great sex.

It really makes a nice dinner or going out for drinks a totally great experience compared to doing it the other way around....

[East]

Beaux, Virge and Meridan...you made my day! I was smiling for an hour after I read your posts....

So...Thanks

[JerseyBoy]

The one thing for me that can be a big turn on or a huge turn off for me is a guy's voice and where it's placed. If I see someone I'm immediately attracted to, hearing their voice is the thing that'll make or break it for me.

[trywait]

so much for no sex until the 3rd date

[Drew]

I agree 100000000000000% with Beaux and East.... and GLAD someone finally spoke up about it.

How is a meal together or going to a movie or anything like that going to help determine if two people have that indescribable connection for great sex?

When I hear or read about guys wanting to put off sex until they've dated a while I have to hold back from laughing or making fun of them.

I've heard about guys meeting their boyfriends through hook ups before. However, it's never worked that way for me. Most of the guys I meet on Grindr and the like are usually just available and willing, not necessarily sexually compatible. Plus I have sexual issues (I have trouble reaching orgasm with a partner), so I tend to avoid hook ups altogether. So neither my dating life nor my sex life is very fun for me at the moment. It totally sucks.

[Virge]

I've heard about guys meeting their boyfriends through hook ups before. However, it's never worked that way for me. Most of the guys I meet on Grindr and the like are usually just available and willing, not necessarily sexually compatible. Plus I have sexual issues (I have trouble reaching orgasm with a partner), so I tend to avoid hook ups altogether. So neither my dating life nor my sex life is very fun for me at the moment. It totally sucks.

OKAY!

NOW you're getting to something else that I have noticed....

I'm going to make a HUGE generalization about people because I HAVE NEVER MET AN EXCEPTION TO IT once you get under the surface issue of No Sex Until Marriage.

[COLOR="Red"][SIZE="6"]Every time a gay male
uses "no sex until marriage" chatter
all he's doing is masking some personal issue
rather than dealing with the issue itself.
No known living exceptions have been found.

[/SIZE][/COLOR]

[SIZE="5"]Likely issues I've run into...
weight,
body image,
peyronies,
fear of inadequacy,
performance anxiety,
sex act anxieties,
fear of rejection,
closeted.
fear of failure
blah blah blah blah[/SIZE]

Drew... I bet if you start a thread about the subject you brought up you'll get a dozen guys jumping in to help you work your way through it. I'd do it after I read up and found out some info. That's what makes gayspeak special here compared to other forums -- people are here to help others.

Your issue has already been discussed in here a few times in the past 6 months.

[Drew]

I actually do know a guy who is waiting until marriage, and he is, by far, the most insecure gay man I have ever known. I stumbled upon his OkCupid profile once, and it just came across so defensive and uninviting, I nearly messaged him just to say dude, you might wanna reconsider rewriting it.

Not sure if I agree with your assessment of sex first, date later...that certainly works for some guys, but it's not for everyone. I will agree sexual compatibility is important, however.

I've gotten good advice here in the past, and I'm sure folks would chime in on my anorgasmia, but I hear the same advice: try to relrelax, don't focus on it, blah blah. I have the number for a sex therapist who may be able to help. That's probably the best thing for me right now.

[Bhp91126]

Beaux, Virge and Meridan...you made my day! I was smiling for an hour after I read your posts....

So...Thanks

Completely agree with all of you. And I'm pleasantly surprised at how sex-positive people are on here.
:biggrin::biggrin:

Btw, hubby and I had sex before we exchanged the first word, over 21 years ago!