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Another confession: REVENGE
#11
MisterLove Wrote:I feel really bad about it now, I wish I could somehow compensate him. He's a creep but I behaved like a psycho.

I'd love to know your thoughts on the subject of revenge. I don't think it's worth it, not even in the case of infidelity.

I agree totaly with Borg69. Yes, you were totally wrong but on a redeeming note, at least you admit it. Compensate him by sending him enough money to cover the cost of the repairs to his car, even if you have to do it anonomously.
"You can be young without money but you can't be old without money"
Maggie the Cat from "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof." by Tennessee Williams
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#12
You should make amends as soon as possible
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#13
not for something as silly as that. but i have and will even the score if someone hurts a guy i love/care about. that triggers my vengeful instincts pretty damn strongly.
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#14
I don't believe in any sort of karma, negative/positive actions and thoughts cycling back to plague you in some form. In all honesty I can't think of any specific act of revenge on my part, but that's probably only indicative of having a really terrible memory.

My philosophy is to take the high road whenever possible and not succumb to baser feelings of vindictiveness. I don't like thinking that I need to sink to someone else's level of behavior. In my eyes that makes me no better than the person in question.

No judgement Misterlove. I'm not a saint by any means (my partner will attest to this). If the guilt is something you can't live with (you were kind of a psycho about a casual fuck buddy) send him money anonymously. Telling him what you've done won't erase the act or the guilt. Chances are that kind of truth would only lead to more drama, and perhaps an escalation of bad feelings.

Another method of atonement, help someone who genuinely needs assistance. There are no shortage people who have fallen on hard times or are in dire circumstance due to actions beyond their control. If the guilt of this one lapse in judgement is leaving you without peace of mind, be a helping hand to someone who really needs it.

Personally I'd simply leave the whole issue alone. Live and learn, then move on. There's nothing to be gained by torturing yourself over the past. (That last sentence, I wish I could take my own advice to heart... it's easier said than done.)
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#15
Steve Wrote:[...] I don't like thinking that I need to sink to someone else's level of behavior. In my eyes that makes me no better than the person in question.
[...]

I couldn't agree more, Honey.

I admit my behaviour was sad, pathetic and stupid. But, believe me, I learned my lesson well.

Here's another true story.

I'm a high school teacher and last year, I had to direct a professional course. It was an almost impossible task, I had to do overtime and, to make matters worse, many of my colleagues turned against me and did everything they possibly could to sabotage my work. My reputation and job were at stake.

In the end, however, the course was a success, our students had excellent grades and, even though I had excellent reasons to file a complaint against those bastards, I didn't do it. Nobody likes a denouncer and I gained a whole new respect from my peers. Revenge would have been pointless.

All's well that ends well. Smile
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#16
Steve Wrote:Another method of atonement, help someone who genuinely needs assistance. There are no shortage people who have fallen on hard times or are in dire circumstance due to actions beyond their control. If the guilt of this one lapse in judgement is leaving you without peace of mind, be a helping hand to someone who really needs it.

I like this idea. Chances are he fixed his ride, and a financial windfall at this point would not be likely to trigger any change in his behavior.

I'm not generally a vengeful person... I'm more likely to just disappear from your life without a trace, without even giving you the opportunity to explain yourself. I'm not sure that's much healthier, but it's how I roll.

One incident that comes to mind... I dated Guy A briefly and we remained casual friends, although continued to harbor a soft spot for him for a long time. He is the kind of guy you are not super proud of dating, but manages to get under your skin. Also probably the best kisser I have ever encountered, and I admit that even though there was nothing else going on between us, we'd still end up making out when we got together just because he was so freaking good at it. Im-blushing-smiley

Guy B, someone whom we both knew but whom I had not hung out with in a long time, made a point of contacting me to tell me, he and Guy A were now dating. My response to him was pretty much "That's nice" even though he violated #14 of the "Gay Code" rules I hold as gospel (if you're not familiar with Nate Lippens' "Advice for New Arrivals" AKA "You Are Not a Strong Black Woman", it's worth a read). But it continued to stew at me, and one night when I happened to be near his home, I decided I was going to go tell him about himself. He lived in a big condo complex and it was raining and I'm sure I was a sight by the time he opened the door to see me for the first time in years, dripping wet. It was very The Thorn Birds, or at least it was in my head.

Before he could say anything, I pointed at him and said, "I just want to tell you one thing: No matter what happens, just remember, you... get... him... used." Flaming

I could tell you that I left him there, slack-jawed, and disappeared into the night, but in fact he called me a bitch, we got drunk together on his floor and I told him I was not really upset; it was just too good of a line to waste. He agreed and I still tease him about it now and again.

Meanwhile Guy A later claimed they never dated, but at this point we're all old, so who cares? We don't hang out anymore mostly because I gotta avoid near occasions of making out with him.
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#17
Steve Wrote:I don't believe in any sort of karma, negative/positive actions and thoughts cycling back to plague you in some form.

this. there is no such thing in existence. it's all human imagination and artificial superstition.
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#18
By this definition of karma, yes, it doesn't exist. But it is a misunderstanding of karma.

Karma might better be translated as something like momentum. Your past actions influence who you are and how you act now and moving forward.

So you avoid revenge because it makes you vengeful. With each act of revenge we indulge, it just tears us down rather than builds us up. (i.e. creating bad influence in your life is bad momentum or bad karma) Forgiveness builds character and breaks the bonds of past hurt, which is positive action, aka positive karma.
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#19
I think of karma simply as balance.....not a punishment or reward system
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#20
Revenge is something I never personally did, but I have thought about it. To me it is stupid, pointless and serves no purpose. All it does is end up hurting to one seeking revenge (by making you eventually feel guilty) and the person you're taking it out on. Usually taken out on someone over something trivial and with feelings that if you sat down with for more than a half hour you'd get over it anyway.
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