I want a gay relationship is it easily one?

[2tuff]

I'm not out to family but found a guy who is interested in a gay relationship with me. Not sure though how easy it will be to hide any future love between us. How many people have a secret man love they're hiding? I'm willing to let some know just not family etc

[Bowyn Aerrow]

At your age its going to be hard to find a gay man who hasn't been out of the closet for a while. sure they exist, but you won't find them in typical gay settings.


The problem with an out person dating a closeted person is - well actually there are many problems.

Short term dating of a closeted person works ok, but when the dating buds into a relationship your partner is going to expect you to introduce him around and he isn't going to want to go back into a closet.

So you need to decide when you are going to come out - before you start dating, or shortly after you have entered into a relationship.... You will find a lot of gay men are going to expect you to be out already and not waste much time and effort on a relationship with a closeted guy.

Back in our 20's we did that sort of thing because many 20 something year olds are in that place, after 35 it isn't as expected nor 'acceptable' for the most part by many gay men. Especially those who came out young and didn't do the whole 'straight-life' (marriage, kids, etc)...

Most guys are not going to cotton to being a 'dirty little secret', most gay men tired of keeping secrets, telling lies and are loath to go back to that place.

Not saying you won't or can't meet a guy like yourself one who is still in the closet and wants to play the lying games and stuff.... Just pretty rare in the western world with all of the tolerance and stuff our culture now has.

Good luck

[2tuff]

Well I've found a guy who I've been talking to for a while and recently been talking voice with on the phone. He's interested in meeting me and then hopefully a relationship whether its a caring fuck buddy or a proper boyfriend.

I'm so open to gay relationship at the moment I long to feel what its like loving a man. Some will claim its no different than with a woman but I beg to differ after coming from a straight guy then to being in a gay relationship is will be more exciting than with a female. I guess that because I now fancy men I want to explore it and I want more than just gay sex. I enjoyed the feelings of being with a man and knowing how natural it all felt. I enjoyed having emotions around a man and need to progress and understand these new amazing feelings.

I don't mind a lot of people knowing I have a boyfriend just not the family kind of thing so it isn't as if I would hide it with his family or friends etc just immediate family kind of thing. The guy I know who fancies me he had he's fine with me keep it a secret and he is 46 but i do understand what your saying. I am interested also if people have been able to hide a relationship without too many cottoning on what is really going on. Right now I do not want a girlfriend I've more interest in guys and can't wait to date this guy I know. Maybe he will get where he wants me out and I might by then I don't know. I do find it a bit of a turn on when someone knows I like guys

[Cuddly]

I couldn't handle hiding it. It was too painful.
Mind you, I was living with my family at the time, which I assume you're not.

It was exhausting to keep track of who you could share your feelings and true emotions with, while constantly wearing a poker-face around everybody who wasn't on that list.

[Virge]

If you're gay, 40, unmarried and still talk with your family on a regular basis... there are three possible scenarios.

1. You've spent and enormous amount of time and energy lying to them to keep them from knowing or even thinking you're gay. If this is the case when they do find out they have every right to feel anger for you deceiving them so long.

2. They already suspect but either hope they're wrong or respect your privacy.

3. They either don't care or don't want to know.

Any relationship you can form with another man would require him to be as closeted as you are and accept the limits of being closeted. That means you'd most likely have to find someone as closeted as yourself who would be under the same pressures you feel. There's nothing healthy about that -- at least in my opinion but I'm not the final authority on that.

I do know that for most people living closeted lives the dread of coming out is always worse than the actual coming out. It might be tough to come out and at first it could seem to turn your life upside down. But in the long run no one ever regrets being honest about it and freeing themselves from the burden of it.

[trywait]

If you're gay, 40, unmarried and still talk with your family on a regular basis... there are three possible scenarios.

1. You've spent and enormous amount of time and energy lying to them to keep them from knowing or even thinking you're gay. If this is the case when they do find out they have every right to feel anger for you deceiving them so long.

2. They already suspect but either hope they're wrong or respect your privacy.

3. They either don't care or don't want to know.

Any relationship you can form with another man would require him to be as closeted as you are and accept the limits of being closeted. That means you'd most likely have to find someone as closeted as yourself who would be under the same pressures you feel. There's nothing healthy about that -- at least in my opinion but I'm not the final authority on that.

I do know that for most people living closeted lives the dread of coming out is always worse than the actual coming out. It might be tough to come out and at first it could seem to turn your life upside down. But in the long run no one ever regrets being honest about it and freeing themselves from the burden of it.

word.

in other words, just live the life that you want! and be happy! let it go!

[2tuff]

If you're gay, 40, unmarried and still talk with your family on a regular basis... there are three possible scenarios.

1. You've spent and enormous amount of time and energy lying to them to keep them from knowing or even thinking you're gay. If this is the case when they do find out they have every right to feel anger for you deceiving them so long.

2. They already suspect but either hope they're wrong or respect your privacy.

3. They either don't care or don't want to know.

Any relationship you can form with another man would require him to be as closeted as you are and accept the limits of being closeted. That means you'd most likely have to find someone as closeted as yourself who would be under the same pressures you feel. There's nothing healthy about that -- at least in my opinion but I'm not the final authority on that.

I do know that for most people living closeted lives the dread of coming out is always worse than the actual coming out. It might be tough to come out and at first it could seem to turn your life upside down. But in the long run no one ever regrets being honest about it and freeing themselves from the burden of it.

I'm bisexual but more into men so not fully gay just choose to have a gay relationship soon. I've never been married and right now due to recent illness I have been living with a parent again. I've only been into men at most two years now and not 30+ years so I haven't been hiding my true sexuality for very long. I don't think my mother knows anything because at one time I was openly against gay sex due to societal brainwashing and ignorance. I have occassionally mentioned I've changed my tune to gay sex of late and highlighted historical facts and what happens in nature with the animal kingdom. I still don't think she's catching on that I would try gay sex let alone enjoy it. My mother would probably be fine with it once it sank in but I just wouldn't rather have to tell her. It doesn't bother me in the slightest that I have to hide my sexuality from some and not others. It does not bother me if some people verbally abuse gay people/sex to me I can take it and accept their ignorances.

[ShiftyNJ]

I thought I was very slick and my family didn't know. My sister told me when I was 30 they had all known for years and were waiting for me to be comfortable talking about it. If you get serious with someone and are with him every time they see you, they will likely figure it out or at least suspect. I can understand if you are financially dependent on them and they are very against it but that doesn't sound like your story. What are you afraid will happen? You just don't want an uncomfortable conversation? I am not trying to be pushy; I just want to understand what you're thinking about.

[2tuff]

I thought I was very slick and my family didn't know. My sister told me when I was 30 they had all known for years and were waiting for me to be comfortable talking about it. If you get serious with someone and are with him every time they see you, they will likely figure it out or at least suspect. I can understand if you are financially dependent on them and they are very against it but that doesn't sound like your story. What are you afraid will happen? You just don't want an uncomfortable conversation? I am not trying to be pushy; I just want to understand what you're thinking about.

Its just the none understanding of the mass I'd rather not have in her if it ends up going that way. It is one thing to say someone else's child being gay shouldn't be a big deal but when its your own it could be a different story from her. I guess I will just have to start a relationship with my male friend and see how it goes from there, he's fine with any secrecy at the moment. Of course If I end up moving in with him it could become far more obvious especially if I have no bedroom of my own. Not sure if I'd want to get married to either a guy or a girl so I doubt that might figure in at some point but who knows. All I know right now is that I am highly curious about having a gay relationship and taking my sexuality to a whole exciting new level many dare not to tread.

[Cuddly]

Its just the not understanding of the mass I'd rather not have in her if it goes that way. Its one thing saying someone else child being gay shouldn;t be a big deal but when its your own it could be a different story. I guess I will just have to start a relationship with my frined and see how it goes from there, he's fine with secrecy at the moment. Of course If I end up moving in with him it could become far more obvious especially if I have no bedroom of my own. Not sure if I'd want to get married to either a guy or a girl so I doubt that might figure in at some point.

While that is all true and a good start, take a deep breath and look at yourself. You are who you are, straight, bi, gay or trans. You can play pretend your entire life trying to live for somebody else, but it's your life - not theirs. You want your family to love you? Well.. they think they do, but they don't actually know you, so they kinda don't. Give them a chance to love the real you, their responses will probably surprise you positively.

Do you know that you're bi? Or are you just curious? Or do you think that you're gay? Obviously, before you actually know, you might wanna keep it to yourself to avoid confusion or "false alarms". But once you know and when you're being loveydovey.. share..
Your family cares about you and they're likely worrying about you being single and lonely at night. It would please them to hear that you're not alone <3