Jealousy

[gmerdude]

I'm noticing I am really jealous at times of my partner even if a guy looks at him I don't show it or anything but any help on how to get rid of this feeling ?

[Jake]

I'm noticing I am really jealous at times of my partner even if a guy looks at him I don't show it or anything but any help on how to get rid of this feeling ?

First, you might want to find out if what you are actually feeling is jealousy or envy. Believe it or not they're not the same and one can lead to the other and vice and versa.

Now on this board and many other forums you will get different definitions of what consist of jealousy versus envy. You can ask 10 different people about their definition of jealousy and you will get 10 different answers, just like the definition one gives to "cheating."

Envy occurs when one lacks a desired attribute enjoyed by another. Per example: I envy my husband's unconditional physical beauty, but I'm not jealous of him.

Jealousy occurs when something one already possess (usually a special relationship) is threatened by a third person.

So envy is usually a two-person situation, whereas jealousy is a three-person situation. Envy is a reaction to lacking something. Jealousy is a reaction to the threat of losing something (usually someone).

People often mix the two, One problem is an unfortunate semantic ambiguity with the word “jealousy” (but NOT with the word “envy”. If you ask someone to describe a situation in which they felt jealous, they are as likely to describe an experience of envy (e.g., "I wished I had my friend's good looks") as of jealousy (e.g., "my boyfriend danced with an attractive guy"). Naturally, this creates a sense that jealousy and envy are very similar—even though they are actually quite different.

Envy and jealousy often travel together. What kind of rival to your partner’s affections is likely to create jealousy? It is the rival with characteristics that you are also likely to envy—that is, the attractive rival. This means that when you are feeling jealous, you are often feeling envious as well.

Envy and jealousy are not the same emotions. Envy, as unpleasant as it can be, usually doesn’t contain a sense of betrayal and resultant outrage, for example. Jealousy need not contain an acute sense of inferiority (if the rival is not enviable).

So what are you feeling toward your boyfriend? Is it envy or jealousy. Let's go from there and we can analyze further. And either one, why do you have that feeling? After all, he is your boyfriend. He chose you and you chose him so why do you have this envious or jealous feeling toward him. You're the one who gets to sleep with him, touch him, kiss him. What's you're reason?