Never done this before
11-22-2014, 05:43 PM
Ok I admit this is a little bit long for a first post ~.~, but this is my personal story, and I appreciate if you can actually finish reading this.
Please forgive my poor English.
Hello everybody,
I'm a guy from China attending US college this year.You can call me Athan or my account name.
As you may have noticed from my name, I am a deep closet guy. Since I was 15, I have been suffering about my sexuality for about four years. I do not know why I could not accept myself. During these years, several people found out that I am gay, and even though they did not say anything nor 'advertising' the news and even tried to make me feel better and understanding, I automatically cut off connection with them--unless they are my family, for example, one of my cousin.
Last summer I came out to my BFF and things started to get better. He totally supported me even he was totally anti-gay--and our friendship became closer actually. Anyway, since then when people find out my reality, I was able to say the truth. I mean, I won't actively or publicly come out, only if they dig me out; but at least I could face myself and it's a good thing right? My school grades was getting better, I participated in social activities again, and, most importantly, I find back the previous sunshine and positive me.
But things can't always stay awesome. Just saying, things have changed are they? And I has changed as well. I start to watch gay movies and TV shows, read novels, get in touch with some gay guys; but I can't help but think about my future. Something for uncertain is if my parents can accept my sexuality, and something for sure is I do want to have a girlfriend because that's what everyone does and ask me if I do. Things are getting awkward and I realized that I can't get back to have many guy friends purely without any sexual arousal--I'm at teenage. I miss the time when I could play and hangout with wide range of people and have fun easily, but now I have to pretend to do what I used to be good at and that's hard.
And I feel lonely, day and night. Sometimes I can paradise myself into study, but the result is over-handjobs. Just kidding, but the thing is I do feel lonely a lot and it is killing me. With stress from school and parents, I can't even have good sleeps like before. I do afraid that one day I won't be able to control myself to touch alcohol, cigarette, and drugs--which I know are only gonna make things worse. See, I have had over imaginative thoughts all in my head.
The reason I'm here is to try to find a community where I can make friends and talk to people without barriers. I may not be able to always online, but I do need a place to relax myself and put off my cover. After all, I consider myself as a funny and heartwarming person.
Thanks for reading. Love you @.@
Please forgive my poor English.
Hello everybody,
I'm a guy from China attending US college this year.You can call me Athan or my account name.
As you may have noticed from my name, I am a deep closet guy. Since I was 15, I have been suffering about my sexuality for about four years. I do not know why I could not accept myself. During these years, several people found out that I am gay, and even though they did not say anything nor 'advertising' the news and even tried to make me feel better and understanding, I automatically cut off connection with them--unless they are my family, for example, one of my cousin.
Last summer I came out to my BFF and things started to get better. He totally supported me even he was totally anti-gay--and our friendship became closer actually. Anyway, since then when people find out my reality, I was able to say the truth. I mean, I won't actively or publicly come out, only if they dig me out; but at least I could face myself and it's a good thing right? My school grades was getting better, I participated in social activities again, and, most importantly, I find back the previous sunshine and positive me.
But things can't always stay awesome. Just saying, things have changed are they? And I has changed as well. I start to watch gay movies and TV shows, read novels, get in touch with some gay guys; but I can't help but think about my future. Something for uncertain is if my parents can accept my sexuality, and something for sure is I do want to have a girlfriend because that's what everyone does and ask me if I do. Things are getting awkward and I realized that I can't get back to have many guy friends purely without any sexual arousal--I'm at teenage. I miss the time when I could play and hangout with wide range of people and have fun easily, but now I have to pretend to do what I used to be good at and that's hard.
And I feel lonely, day and night. Sometimes I can paradise myself into study, but the result is over-handjobs. Just kidding, but the thing is I do feel lonely a lot and it is killing me. With stress from school and parents, I can't even have good sleeps like before. I do afraid that one day I won't be able to control myself to touch alcohol, cigarette, and drugs--which I know are only gonna make things worse. See, I have had over imaginative thoughts all in my head.
The reason I'm here is to try to find a community where I can make friends and talk to people without barriers. I may not be able to always online, but I do need a place to relax myself and put off my cover. After all, I consider myself as a funny and heartwarming person.
Thanks for reading. Love you @.@
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
to GS!
Capricorn
![[Image: 51806835273_f5b3daba19_t.jpg]](https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/51806835273_f5b3daba19_t.jpg)
Sagittarius
mile:
Aries
and welcome to GS 
