11-27-2014, 06:47 AM
I really want to write this down to get it out of my head...been there for so many years and I am TIRED of trying to figure it out.....
I am thinking MAYBE if I am lucky someone can say something to me that will "click" and allow me to close the door.....
OK......Without going into detail too much..I got raped by two guys I knew when I was a teenager. I remember everything before it happened...and when I came to afterward...but my mind has completely blacked out when it was happening...I left my body and went somewhere else and it has always FASCINATED me how that phenomenon transpires....
The key to the above...I know EXACTLY when I went away..what happened before and afterward...so what I am going to share is different....I want to establish that....I am also at peace with what happened and have processed the rape...
Another one...I blacked out when I used to drink and spent the week in a hotel with some guy and though I initially forgot about it when he came back into town to reconnect..it came back to me in bits and pieces....(and DAMN he was hot...great sex....)
...and what I am about to say is different than that as well....
The thing that haunts the fuck out of me.....
I think I was given XTC/rohypnol ..twice....and I cannot stop thinking about it ...at least once a week I try my damndest to figure out SOMETHING...I really need I to stop...
A preface...I was a bartender in a busy gay nightclub so I got a lot of attention...some wanted...some not....
This one guy...I remember looking at him in his weird ass bedroom and wondering what I was doing there or how I got there. He was very conservative and kinda creepy in a dead animal hanging on the wall kinda way...flannel sheets....gun racks....I was in a weird sleep state and I was laying on his floor. The last thing I remember is that I was working behind the bar....then this brief awareness of where I was with this guy I didn't know...and then I remember being in my car in the middle of the morning and feeling really groggy...don't know how I got there or what happened....
I know I would NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER have sex with this guy willingly......
...and a few months later...I woke up in a condo full of antiques with someone who thought we were in love and I swear I had never seen him and again....I have no idea how I got there and I was groggy again...and I would NOT have been with him either....no recollection at all how I got there or being in bed with him....
He had the pushy personality of a few of my stalkers when I was 21...I was scared to death when I fully came to and got out of there in a daze.....
I have no idea why I have it all blanked out except my final analysis was that I either have multiple personalities or I got drugged......
I am fairly certain I was drugged as the MPD doesn't fit anywhere else in my life and I have asked everyone I knew at the time if they ever noticed anything to be sure...NADA....I spent a lot of time figuring THAT PART out....
So...has anyone else ever been drugged or had sex against their will...left their body while doing it...not known what happened? It is so freaky to have this happen and trying to figure it out has left me exhausted...I am ready to throw in the towel....I want to be done with it....
Any words of wisdom? Ideas? HELP!
I am thinking MAYBE if I am lucky someone can say something to me that will "click" and allow me to close the door.....
OK......Without going into detail too much..I got raped by two guys I knew when I was a teenager. I remember everything before it happened...and when I came to afterward...but my mind has completely blacked out when it was happening...I left my body and went somewhere else and it has always FASCINATED me how that phenomenon transpires....
The key to the above...I know EXACTLY when I went away..what happened before and afterward...so what I am going to share is different....I want to establish that....I am also at peace with what happened and have processed the rape...
Another one...I blacked out when I used to drink and spent the week in a hotel with some guy and though I initially forgot about it when he came back into town to reconnect..it came back to me in bits and pieces....(and DAMN he was hot...great sex....)
...and what I am about to say is different than that as well....
The thing that haunts the fuck out of me.....
I think I was given XTC/rohypnol ..twice....and I cannot stop thinking about it ...at least once a week I try my damndest to figure out SOMETHING...I really need I to stop...
A preface...I was a bartender in a busy gay nightclub so I got a lot of attention...some wanted...some not....
This one guy...I remember looking at him in his weird ass bedroom and wondering what I was doing there or how I got there. He was very conservative and kinda creepy in a dead animal hanging on the wall kinda way...flannel sheets....gun racks....I was in a weird sleep state and I was laying on his floor. The last thing I remember is that I was working behind the bar....then this brief awareness of where I was with this guy I didn't know...and then I remember being in my car in the middle of the morning and feeling really groggy...don't know how I got there or what happened....
I know I would NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER have sex with this guy willingly......
...and a few months later...I woke up in a condo full of antiques with someone who thought we were in love and I swear I had never seen him and again....I have no idea how I got there and I was groggy again...and I would NOT have been with him either....no recollection at all how I got there or being in bed with him....
He had the pushy personality of a few of my stalkers when I was 21...I was scared to death when I fully came to and got out of there in a daze.....
I have no idea why I have it all blanked out except my final analysis was that I either have multiple personalities or I got drugged......
I am fairly certain I was drugged as the MPD doesn't fit anywhere else in my life and I have asked everyone I knew at the time if they ever noticed anything to be sure...NADA....I spent a lot of time figuring THAT PART out....
So...has anyone else ever been drugged or had sex against their will...left their body while doing it...not known what happened? It is so freaky to have this happen and trying to figure it out has left me exhausted...I am ready to throw in the towel....I want to be done with it....
Any words of wisdom? Ideas? HELP!