Another Kinky First

[reaper]

So I've shared my short story on this forum. Sunday night is my club night. I go to the city and hang out in my bondage club. I've been going there now for 10 weeks. In that time I've moved forward at a fast rate.

I play in the scenes, mostly as a bottom and lately as an assistant top.

I've developed friendly relationships with 3 people (3 of the closest anyway)

Last night began like any other. I was topping some guy with my bondage buddy, the one I'd like to play with in a more sexual way.

We have the guy bound to the table. My buddy ends up getting some oral from him during the scene. I also get in on this. It was hot!

Then we play with some other guy, my buddy gets some oral from him as well. (Not to completion in either case)

The scene ends.

Now me, my buddy, and the other guy I'm friendly with are talking. (This is the guy he has the sexual relationship with) I decide I'm going to play in the back...a first for me.

I ask my buddy if he wants to mess around a bit. He shrugs and says not really.

I say, then don't.

I was a little saddened by this, but it wasn't a big deal.

I find the guy from the first scene and head to the back. My first bj begins. Then the guy from the second scene walks by and also gets in on the action. It was pretty damn hot.

although I would have MUCH rather played with my buddy one on one, it was a pretty hardcore way to experience a first.

My sexual path so far is not typical. I'm comfortable with it, but I'm also aware that it may be a bit extreme. Outside of this my life is rather conservative and mainstream.

[Virge]

you seem to have it under control. Reaper. As long as you do no one has any right to be critical of you.

[Borg69]

So I've shared my short story on this forum. Sunday night is my club night. I go to the city and hang out in my bondage club. I've been going there now for 10 weeks. In that time I've moved forward at a fast rate.

I play in the scenes, mostly as a bottom and lately as an assistant top.

I've developed friendly relationships with 3 people (3 of the closest anyway)

Last night began like any other. I was topping some guy with my bondage buddy, the one I'd like to play with in a more sexual way.

We have the guy bound to the table. My buddy ends up getting some oral from him during the scene. I also get in on this. It was hot!

Then we play with some other guy, my buddy gets some oral from him as well. (Not to completion in either case)

The scene ends.

Now me, my buddy, and the other guy I'm friendly with are talking. (This is the guy he has the sexual relationship with) I decide I'm going to play in the back...a first for me.

I ask my buddy if he wants to mess around a bit. He shrugs and says not really.

I say, then don't.

I was a little saddened by this, but it wasn't a big deal.

I find the guy from the first scene and head to the back. My first bj begins. Then the guy from the second scene walks by and also gets in on the action. It was pretty damn hot.

although I would have MUCH rather played with my buddy one on one, it was a pretty hardcore way to experience a first.

My sexual path so far is not typical. I'm comfortable with it, but I'm also aware that it may be a bit extreme. Outside of this my life is rather conservative and mainstream.

Sounds pretty dang hot!!! I'm a little envious!

[Rareboy]

I love the job title 'Assistant Top'.

[reaper]

you seem to have it under control. Reaper. As long as you do no one has any right to be critical of you.

This is how I see it as well. For now this place is my only real link to my new life and will be for a while. I may as well explore a bit.

[reaper]

I made this thread this morning, and now realize that I wasn't completely honest about something. Both here, and really to myself.

The night was really hot, and I did have a good time with my first bj trio.

But that's not what I've been thinking about today. I mentioned my buddy and me doing the scenes where the whole bj think began.

I've mentioned before that I wanted to have a relationship with him that was more sexual then what we have now. Which is really sexual in nature, but always in bondage scenes. (no sex or bj's are a part of that)

So this was not a typical night. The scenes we did got more sexual in nature, but not with each other since we were both working together as tops.

When I decided that I was going to approach the guy in our scene (who had already gave me a short bj during the scene) to finish what we started, my buddy, as expected told me to go for it.

Before I did, when me, my buddy, and the other guy I'm friendly with were hanging out following the scene. The other guy (who my buddy has the sexual relationship with) suggested me and my buddy go in the back. Of course I was all for this.

When I asked him he shrugged and said not really. (I mentioned this already)

This is what I've been thinking about today. It bothers me more than I should let it, but it does just the same.

On a night that was so sexual he still didn't want to do anything...at least not with me. I can't figure this dude out at all.

He's all over the map. Every week I never know what to expect, so I make it a point to expect nothing.

Friday night we had a club night (which is unusual, it's usually only a Sunday thing). We played a lot, he was flirty as hell, lot's of kissing, he had his head on my shoulder when we went out to the dinner after.

Then Sunday he was more distant. This is common with him, but I've come to expect it.

He's just a friend so it's not like I get mad about this, but it does bother and confuse me.

He likes me and thinks I'm hot, but he's very young so maybe some of this is to be expected. He also knows my story and the role he has played in it. Maybe knowing I haven't done anything, or hadn't, makes him nervous that I'd be more attached to him...and in a harmless way, I already am.

I don't know.

Something else has crept into my mind as well. Something that has the potential to become toxic.

The guy he's in the relationship with, who suggested we go in the back. I've been closer to him lately that I had in the past. He's hot, and is my age. Up until yesterday the though of us 2 playing in the back had never once crossed my mind. I hadn't ever really thought of playing in the back at all to be honest.

But things change. He's showing more of an interest in me then he had in the past. Maybe this is part of the hot and cold thing with my buddy....I really can't say, I'd have an easier time reading ancient Hebrew then that guy.

This was just an innocent thought....well, maybe not so innocent, and I have no plan to act on this or ever nurture it. But if he came outright and said, hey..let's go in the back. I have to say that I probably would.

None of this seems likely, but that place has an intoxicating effect of you. I would have never thought when I walked in yesterday that things would go the way they would. Actually, I never expected a lot of things to unfold the way they have from the time I walked though those doors 10 weeks ago.

Things have been great, and as odd as it may sound, that place really made me see and accept who I am.

Sorry for the long rant. My thoughts on these things are my own. A few people know I'm gay and whatever happens with the bondage club I carry alone. I can't discuss it, the people, the relationships, ect in an honest way. If I try to whitewash it, the story loses the nature of the complex reality it is.

[Camfer]

Alright, your very first man-crush doesn't really want to be sexual with you. He told you that exactly. It might be time to let that crush go and look around to find another guy you like. If a lot of guys in here find you attractive, then there's a really good chance the same is true in the real world. You have a lot more possibilities available to you. It might be time to keep your crush just as a friend and expand the circle of gay people in your life, so more possibilities are open to you.

[reaper]

Camfer...for reasons unknown I'm unable to quote your post.

But I agree with what you've said. I knew a few weeks ago that this was the way things looked. But this really confirmed it for me. His mixed signals make it a bit harder, as well as the fact that we play and will continue to play in a sexual atmosphere. I'll find the path forward, I always seem to.

[Rareboy]

Warning.

If your buddy is in a relationship with another guy who asked you to pair off for sexual activity....you are on a slippery slope.

I wonder if it might not be a good idea to look beyond a club for emotional as well as sexual satisfaction?

[reaper]

Rareboy. Every time I try to quote someone it automatically quotes Virge...it's annoying.

That aside, I know it sounds odd, but the other guy and him just have a sexual relationship. The other dude is married and everything is out in the open.

I do realize I need to seek things beyond the club and I'm going to do so. It's easier said then done in my current situation.

I was never really looking for sex or emotional attachment here, I was looking into bondage play and exploring my sexuality. I was just curious the day I walked through the door. It took me a few weeks to recognize I was gay which I accepted completely when I knew it was the case.

You can't really control your emotions, but you can chose how you react to them. Not saying it's always easy to do.