Another Kinky First
Capricorn
12-03-2014, 04:10 AM
Reaper, you're amazing.
You've been given a lot of good advice here. Yes, you are "over thinking" this but from what I can tell, this is part of who you are. You're a very thoughtful person, and I don't just mean "considerate." You enjoy analyzing things and you have a good head on your shoulders.
It's perfectly understandable that you feel a bit dissatisfied with this situation... you seem to be getting contradictory messages and signals. You like things to be clear cut -- and when they're not, interestingly enough, what happens is your FEELINGS start to show up. It was interesting for me to see you go through the whole story and finally say...
I'm going to suggest you really dive into those feelings and see where they take you, what you can discover about them in yourself. Up to now your mental attention has been focused on your 'partner', trying to figure HIM out. But what's interesting is these feelings that have come up for you. They were triggered by him, yes, but they are YOUR feelings.
As someone who spends a lot of time up in his head, I know how disturbing FEELINGS can be. They're fucking irrational to their core! But you have to admit, that's what makes them so damn interesting, even fascinating.
I bring this up because, as was pointed out, you're just at the beginning of a life's journey. These little twinges of emotion that are showing up in this situation are A PART OF what it "means" to be "gay". That is to say, it is a part of what it means to be HUMAN with the twist of having attractions to the same sex.
Like you, I prefer direct communication. In my experience, however, the reality is very few of our fellow mortals do. Some seem to think this is especially true in "the gay community," and although I get where they're coming from when they say that, I don't think it is any more prevalent in queer culture than it is in straight culture. Most of the time, people just don't know what their *truth* is, but even when they do -- especially when they do -- the thing they fear most is SAYING what it is.
What I'm getting at is, I suspect the more you get involved with exploring yourself and what you want in terms of interacting sexually with other men, you're going to run across this kind of 'mixed signals' thing A LOT. It can be mind-boggling to discover that someone can say "yes," one moment, "maybe," another moment, and "no," in yet another moment -- each of them being said truthfully in the moment they were spoken.
The way I handle it is I try to stay aware of what is going on inside myself first. That's far more important than whatever may or may not be going on inside someone else. I never know what's going on with anyone else until they tell me and even then I'll believe it when I see it. In the mean time, I have my own feelings -- whatever they may be. They're my responsibility. I may know what I want but I also know I can't and don't want to control (or even try to manipulate) other people. I try to just accept that they are whoever they are and they're going to do and say things that don't always make sense. Hell, I don't either, much of the time.
Maybe, someday, sooner or later, you'll find yourself in the company of another man who 'gets' you and you 'get' them -- and THEN things will get TRULY *interesting*!!
You've been given a lot of good advice here. Yes, you are "over thinking" this but from what I can tell, this is part of who you are. You're a very thoughtful person, and I don't just mean "considerate." You enjoy analyzing things and you have a good head on your shoulders.
It's perfectly understandable that you feel a bit dissatisfied with this situation... you seem to be getting contradictory messages and signals. You like things to be clear cut -- and when they're not, interestingly enough, what happens is your FEELINGS start to show up. It was interesting for me to see you go through the whole story and finally say...
Quote:I'm honestly annoyed as hell with myself. I know I'm overthinking this...yet I'm still doing it.
I'll figure all of this out. It's not a big deal, I KNOW this, I basically was hurt and a bit offended by the way things unfolded.
I'm going to suggest you really dive into those feelings and see where they take you, what you can discover about them in yourself. Up to now your mental attention has been focused on your 'partner', trying to figure HIM out. But what's interesting is these feelings that have come up for you. They were triggered by him, yes, but they are YOUR feelings.
As someone who spends a lot of time up in his head, I know how disturbing FEELINGS can be. They're fucking irrational to their core! But you have to admit, that's what makes them so damn interesting, even fascinating.
I bring this up because, as was pointed out, you're just at the beginning of a life's journey. These little twinges of emotion that are showing up in this situation are A PART OF what it "means" to be "gay". That is to say, it is a part of what it means to be HUMAN with the twist of having attractions to the same sex.
Like you, I prefer direct communication. In my experience, however, the reality is very few of our fellow mortals do. Some seem to think this is especially true in "the gay community," and although I get where they're coming from when they say that, I don't think it is any more prevalent in queer culture than it is in straight culture. Most of the time, people just don't know what their *truth* is, but even when they do -- especially when they do -- the thing they fear most is SAYING what it is.
What I'm getting at is, I suspect the more you get involved with exploring yourself and what you want in terms of interacting sexually with other men, you're going to run across this kind of 'mixed signals' thing A LOT. It can be mind-boggling to discover that someone can say "yes," one moment, "maybe," another moment, and "no," in yet another moment -- each of them being said truthfully in the moment they were spoken.
The way I handle it is I try to stay aware of what is going on inside myself first. That's far more important than whatever may or may not be going on inside someone else. I never know what's going on with anyone else until they tell me and even then I'll believe it when I see it. In the mean time, I have my own feelings -- whatever they may be. They're my responsibility. I may know what I want but I also know I can't and don't want to control (or even try to manipulate) other people. I try to just accept that they are whoever they are and they're going to do and say things that don't always make sense. Hell, I don't either, much of the time.
Maybe, someday, sooner or later, you'll find yourself in the company of another man who 'gets' you and you 'get' them -- and THEN things will get TRULY *interesting*!!
.
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
