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Feel Like Absolute Crap
#11
If a friend came over to my house asking for advice about this I'd condemn him as being a slutty gutter whore and demand that he atone for his sin....

and wear this one his forehead for 6 months.
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[Image: drama_queen.jpg]
The kiss was nothing. The drama about it is a felony.
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#12
To be honest, you remind me of a guy I knew who at one time thought that he had to be perfect.
That guy was me, if I told a lie for any reason, even to protect an innocent person, I felt lousy. I had to be perfect on my job, never late and no mistakes.
I hope that you aren't like this, be willing to be human, love yourself, in a healthy way.
Don't set higher standards for yourself than you do others, enjoy life.
I can't tell you what to say or do, if it was me I would forget about it.
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#13
Whereas I don't think the kiss was nothing, and being drunk is not an excuse, the transgression was minor and should be kept in that perspective. You have questions in yourself that you must resolve, and not about reporting it but why you needed to do it.

Do not share it with your mate. It serves as a warning to you, not to him. Men often look at other partners and mentally lust after them even if never intending to act on those fantasies. You did little more than that. Your partner doesn't need to know every time your thoughts stray.

If your words are true and your heart is your mate's only, renew your vow inside and let this go. Dwelling on it or retelling it will only amplify it. Let it go.
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#14
agree w/ hardheaded
reflect on what you did, being wasted or not, it's you who made yourself that way
as for me, I'll talk to my spouse whatever happened, I'm sure he'll understand and appreciate the fact that you're being honest to him
I always say everything to my spouse even if he/she asked what I'm doing in the bathroom
my exes are all like that too, well, because I always look for that kind of stupidly honest people as someone to date
not like I have problems with trust but I find honesty is a good thing, it's not something to be taken lightly

East Wrote:Every relationship is different though so listen to yourself before you listen to me Smile

but well, first you must understand this before you really hear my ramblings up there
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#15
I'm with the guy with the hard head, too. I think a kiss is sometimes more than a kiss. Whether it is in this case only you know. You should stop beating yourself up but you might want to do a little introspection without condemning yourself over it. Just stop whatever got you to the place of kissing another guy. Learn from this experience.

I don't know if it's right to tell your man or not. I am no expert on relationships.
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#16
I don't want to smile over this, but I can't help myself.

If you feel that carrying this around is too much to bear then by all means tell your guy and place it in context.

Like......' I'm really upset with myself....I got pretty drunk the other night with the guys and ended up dancing with someone I didn't know.....and .....don't laugh or yell at me or be too disappointed....but I
gave him a thank you kiss on the cheek. I'm so upset that I did this.'

If your guy doesn't shoot you between the eyes or run crying from the room and starts to pack his shit, then you're good. If he does shoot you or run crying from the room to pack his shit over something as innocent and innocuous as a drunken peck...then you're better off without him anyway.

If you think you can forgive yourself without telling him...then do it and keep your mouth shut and learn from the experience.
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#17
I think in most all these cases, your thoughts are more important than your actions. The fact that you know your heart is with your partner, and you feel guilty about what happened, says a lot. You made a mistake. Forgive yourself and spend your time and energy with the one that you love instead.
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#18
Sorry, man. But IMO? You need to confess.

It might take some time to get his trust back, but the fact is? If you -don't- confess the you have dishonestly hovering there between you, unspoken but always there. It's fucked up. It can seriously fuck up a relationship.

It's better to be honest and admit you screwed up. Apologize. Talk it out with him and find your way back to good.
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#19
Tomnick83 Wrote:...I got completely wasted and ending up dancing with some guy and I quickly kissed his neck. ... it's something that was 100% meaningless....

I highlighted 2 words that should make this incident not at all a big deal,from your own words. I don't know if there's any deeper issue,or you might just miss your partner (as you mentioned in other post), hopefully there's nothing more to it. I would definitely take it as nothing and appreciate your honesty.

Quote:...I'm at a loss as to what to do. I don't want to tell him because it would cause him not to trust me and he would question our marriage...

I would expect a married couple to have more trust than this,maybe you should do something about this instead. Build a trust between you guys that he (and you) won't question every single little meaningless screw up like this.

Quote:I don't know if he's ever had any indiscretions and frankly don't want to know if it's something fairly "innocent" like a kiss, I really don't think so. I'll stop beating myself over this and watch my drinking in the future! I never want to be in that situation again

Seems like you're avoiding things like this when it comes from your partner. Maybe you shouldn't? Laugh over it, make it trivial, let it go, and if this happens to happen again in the future,you won't be so guilty and could deal with it better than this time. After all,it was a screw up,and human are prone to errors,better learn to embrace it.

But then again,I'm no relationship expert,nor what I say might project your relationship dynamic as it could be different from mine..
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#20
Thanks guys, I really appreciate all the solid advice. In the end it was a drunken night out and it was a neck kiss with a complete stranger who if disappeared from the face of the earth, I wouldn't even know. There isn't a deeper meaning other than it being just a stupid moment of inebriation where I made a mistake. Dwelling on it or making it bigger than it is in my head will do neither of us any good and he's better off not knowing since it was just an honest mistake in a moment of drunken stupor (that never happens). Thanks for opening up my eyes and reassuring me I shouldn't be so hard on myself. I'm not perfect after all and as someone mentioned And correctly assumed, I'm the type that tries to be like that far too often.
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