Trust is gone :(

[Hardheaded1]

I stopped reading when I got to the line about you reading his computer and invading his privacy.

Anyone who does that has no right to discuss the failings of trust. You are your own worst enemy. An armchair assessment says you are a drama queen. Drama is much worse than Cooties and is highly contagious. The only sure remedy is to flee it.

I don't get sucked into drama. I walk away. I highly recommend it.

[Lambert]

He needs someone to talk to ? And you guys need to communicate,it's going to be a bad breakup of not...

[Pcolakuntryboy]

I stopped reading when I got to the line about you reading his computer and invading his privacy.

Anyone who does that has no right to discuss the failings of trust. You are your own worst enemy. An armchair assessment says you are a drama queen. Drama is much worse than Cooties and is highly contagious. The only sure remedy is to flee it.

I don't get sucked into drama. I walk away. I highly recommend it.

Same here! I never look at my partner's phone unless he asks me to, nor does he look at mine. Neither of us feel the need to. I went through drama like that with my ex back in my early 20's, but now I'm older and wiser and don't have time for that crap anymore.

[ChadCoxRox]

Wherever you go your issues will go with you... and his will stay right with him. Sometimes working through that very matter together can be the saving grace of a relationship AND afford healing and individual growth. It's not ideal, but I've seen it quite a bit over the years. Usually the reason is economic, but with the right effort and persistence it can pay off. There's simply not enough info to say one way or the other. Couples seeking help will quickly be faced with the need for the individual work and this is often where things either work out for the better or finally fall apart definitively.

It is painful and you both are hurting. Don't let anger make the decisions nor idealism. If you can agree to decide together and make an agreement to work together I see all the reasons to do just that and NONE of the reasons to run from what isn't finished yet. ...again not enough info.

I just hope you hear everyone saying we're here and you're not alone and you are not wrong or right or good or bad...just in pain with needs. Get those needs met and we'll look forward to being a part of that process.

[Virge]

I'm looking at this like you were a friend who came over to my house to tell me all this. I might have listened to the first two paragraphs before I cut you off.

First -- there's no such thing as "the whole story" coming from one person telling his side of something like this. The only thing you said about a huge fight was there was one and there's no such thing as a huge fight without two people hugely fighting. That's the first mistake you and he made. In a relationship there's not enough room for two people to act crazy at the same time... Had one or the other of you stepped back and made the relationship the top priority rather than winning an argument things might have turned out better. Chances are things preceding the argument were more the issue than the argument itself.

I wouldn't take sides if my best friend came to me with this and i won't do it for you. You know or should know the fight and whatever else has gone wrong is as much your fault as his.

You really don't have any best or good options and that's not his fault or yours but just the way this poop pile splattered. The best thing you can do is get out of it, do some serious thinking and hopefully figure out what you did wrong and try to keep from repeating the same mistake in your next attempt at a relationship. It'll be easier in the long run to avoid trying to blame him for everything and accept responsibility yourself. That way you might be able to salvage a friendship and move on without a bunch of baggage.

The word for the day is Dramasturbation.

[Darius]

4 months and non-stop fighting? What will it be at 4 years? Murder?

[Harpy]

I am going through a similar situation. I don't agree with looking at what YOU did wrong like this is your fault. I think that both have faults and both need to be discussed. I also don't agree with the whole conversation being null because you went through his phone. Yes it's a break of trust and privacy. But that should be something earned and respected not taken for granted. He obviously broke your trust in some way giving you the feeling of needing to go through his things. What are you supposed to do? If he doesn't tell you what's going on and you feel like something isn't right after addressing it with him you still don't truat it's only a natural behavior. I myself wouldn't know what to do either you don't trust him and he's not coming forth with the truth are you just supposed to live blindly and naive? Your points are valid your actions are understandable and I myself am going through a similar situation and trying to see if the trust can be rebuilt. I just wanted to point out that this isn't only your fault and your actions are not what caused all this. It started long before you knew.