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Stuck in the mud
Hi, I am new to GaySpeak, but I came out earlier this year to a very supportive bunch of family and close friends. I am happy with my decision but since coming out I do not know what to do next!

Should I go to a club, a date site to meet others like me, not knowing anybody who has gone through this I am really frustrated at this and am shy - so not helping matters, I fully appreciate that.

Effectively I am looking for a relationship and getting to know the gay community better, hopefully obtaining an additional friendship circle in the process. People have said to ask my friends to go with me to a club/bar but I feel I am putting them out basically any help/advice is appreciated.

Thanks in advance


One CAN meet potential friends and boyfriends pretty much anywhere, but I've never considered a club to be a great place for that. They're usually loud and dark, and most people go there with friends, and they tend to sit in their own "circle". Not to be exclusionary, mind you, but if you went to a (straight) club with a bunch of friends, you'd probably tend to hang out with them, too, rather than walk around looking for new people to meet. That's just human nature.

Feel free to go to a club, if you'd like. But if you do, go with the right attitude. Expect nobody to approach you. Feel free to sort of look around and take it in. If you do see other "solos", walk up and say hello, if you feel you can.

I usually suggest somebody in your position check to see if there's a good "gay social club" to join. My city isn't exactly huge, but we've got gay biking clubs, gay hiking clubs, gay volleyball groups, gay swim groups, gay volunteer groups, gay gardening clubs, you name it. If you live in a smaller town, you may need to go to next big town over for that. Google "(city name) gay (activity)" and see if anything comes up. Joining a group like this gives you not one but two areas of common ground. Smile


Thanks for the helpful advice and warm welcome Lex. I hadn't thought of looking at a social club and sounds like a good idea. Are there any strict no, no's you would say having just come out?


Get out there and socialize. Bars. Clubs. Coffeeshops. Just socialize. Volunteer at some organization for whatever you're interested in. Meet as many people as you can...gay or straight. Enjoy the socializing without feeling like you are tracking prey...or being tracked.

Quite often it will be through mutual acquaintances or chance meetings that you connect with the guys that you are compatible with.

Just don't sit at home!! Or if you do. Get on Grindr and meet up with everyone.

That's the issue I don't really have any acquaintances but I appreciate the advice and will definitely take it on board. The main issue I have is my 'gaydar' is poor and am worried of making a fool out of myself lol

That's the advantage of being in a gay social group. If somebody else is in the group, they're gay. Of course, they might be in a relationship, or not interested in you physically, but you at least have that first hurdle cleared. Smile

Any no-no's? Not really. Don't be a dick, I guess, but that's true no matter who or what you are.


Hahaha, you have put a huge smile on my face from that advice, thanks Lex, truer words have never been spoken. Smile

Hello here
Welcome to GS Wavey

Thanks BlueStar for the nice welcome Smile

Uh, Kazama, not to spoil anything for you, but here's some warning. When you start out at those gay social groups you will be "fresh meat" and many people seemingly interested in you. That will feel like heaven for you and you'll love gay men. However many of these only want to get into your pants and once there, will promptly start to ignore you. You're just another feather in their cap. Depending on what you thought about them, that can be pretty heartbreaking.

Welcome to GS. Your fairy god-fathers are here for you.

Being gay is not for Sissies.

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