Met someone (online) with potential...

[reaper]

So I started using a hook up app that's been a hit and miss for me so far.

However, I may have made a connection that can be a great benefit to me and the guy I've been chatting with.

He's a bit younger then me, which I like, and he's a muscle dude. He sent me some pics to start a conversation. Then, not long into it, says he has to make a confession.

He's just starting to come out and seems to have been confused sexually for a while. He's never been with a guy.

I tell him I came out 8 weeks ago, but that I did have sex once and am very inexperienced myself. (The club and bondage would NOT be something to mention to him)

As the conversation goes on, and we're kind of flirting (which is a bit more direct online) when he seems to freak out for a sec.

He sends me a string of short messages, I'm not into the gay scene, I'm not looking for a one night stand...ect.

I tell him it's cool. That I'm not pushing or pressuring him in any way. That everyone goes about this in their own way at their own pace...ect

Then he was really greatful and apologized for sounding like a teen or immature.

Anyway, as things start to drift back in a more flirty direction. I tell him we could be helpful to each other. That if he wanted to explore any of this (when and how he's comfortable with) that I'd be open to that with him.

He's onboard. He wants to do the videochat thing before we meet (which I don't think would be in the immediate future.)

I'm all for this. A guy who's a virgin and also just starting on his own journey. It takes a lot of pressure off of us both. Their are no expectations, or a real imbalance in the level of experience between us.

I would never expect I'd be in a situation where I had done more then the other person in any hookup.

He's nervous and it's very possible he may withdraw into his shell, but maybe he won't. Especially since I have no intention of trying to make anything happen if he's not their.

This could be a good learning and exploring period for the both of us. Mutually beneficial.

Chances aren't good that I'll get to tie him down and do my thing...but that's fine. Those worlds don't need to coexist.

[Rareboy]

Sounds like an interesting match-up. Even if it doesn't result in anything for the long-term....you two might be just right for one another at the present time.

[reaper]

Sounds like an interesting match-up. Even if it doesn't result in anything for the long-term....you two might be just right for one another at the present time.

This was my thought exactly.

How strange, the odds of this kind of similarity seem unusual.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

You never made it clear what it is you are ultimately looking for.

I get the impression you want nothing but 'just sex', thus is a realtionship really on the table at this time for you? If you want 'just sex' and have no intention of settling down, then you need to let this one go. He clearly wants something meaningful and long term.

Even if you are not certain what it is you want, its not a good idea to play him, toy with him to 'discover' what it is you want. He lacks the experience to deal with a breakup, to deal with the confusion and seeming 'game playing' that your personal quest in life will leave the impression of.

If you are looking for romance and relationship, then this might work out. Might.

Understand he is new out of the closet and once he gets a taste there is a good chance he can turn into another kid in the candy store. It happens - a lot. Thus a lot of gay guys don't want to break in a new boy for romance (sex is one thing, relationship is another).

"(The club and bondage would NOT be something to mention to him)"

I beg to differ. You have friends out there who know you did this sort of thing and friends rarely mind their P's and Q's eventually someone outside of the loop that Reaper's BF doesn't know is going to open his or her mouth and let your skeleton out of the bag.

Since you only did the club a couple times its not really a big deal. It is a part of your experience and your experimentation phase and since this guy apparently never has done this stuff you can give him some practical knowledge about how it works. Trust me, 'bad news' tends to sit much better if you are not discovering it from a third party.

Besides you have this kink. No doubt you will want to pursue this kink with your partner, thus your partner is going to need to know and also want kink as well. There are healthy ways to pursue BDSM and relationships in those areas. Contracts and agreements, even kink lists are passed. Its all rather formal and business like. Mind you folk in the kink scene tend to have healthier relationships due to the open honesty and blunt understandings of what it is they want in bed.

Now there is a right way and a wrong way to approach this. I would strongly suggest you refrain from telling him you want to tie him down and have your way with him. I do suggest that at some point where the conversation can be steered in this direction, explain to him your experiences and express to him that you would like to do this with a partner.

There are plenty of sites that discuss how to go about talking about the subject: https://www.google.com/?gws_rd=ssl#q=how...er&spell=1

[reaper]

You never made it clear what it is you are ultimately looking for.

I get the impression you want nothing but 'just sex', thus is a realtionship really on the table at this time for you? If you want 'just sex' and have no intention of settling down, then you need to let this one go. He clearly wants something meaningful and long term.

Even if you are not certain what it is you want, its not a good idea to play him, toy with him to 'discover' what it is you want. He lacks the experience to deal with a breakup, to deal with the confusion and seeming 'game playing' that your personal quest in life will leave the impression of.

If you are looking for romance and relationship, then this might work out. Might.

Understand he is new out of the closet and once he gets a taste there is a good chance he can turn into another kid in the candy store. It happens - a lot. Thus a lot of gay guys don't want to break in a new boy for romance (sex is one thing, relationship is another).



I beg to differ. You have friends out there who know you did this sort of thing and friends rarely mind their P's and Q's eventually someone outside of the loop that Reaper's BF doesn't know is going to open his or her mouth and let your skeleton out of the bag.

Since you only did the club a couple times its not really a big deal. It is a part of your experience and your experimentation phase and since this guy apparently never has done this stuff you can give him some practical knowledge about how it works. Trust me, 'bad news' tends to sit much better if you are not discovering it from a third party.

Besides you have this kink. No doubt you will want to pursue this kink with your partner, thus your partner is going to need to know and also want kink as well. There are healthy ways to pursue BDSM and relationships in those areas. Contracts and agreements, even kink lists are passed. Its all rather formal and business like. Mind you folk in the kink scene tend to have healthier relationships due to the open honesty and blunt understandings of what it is they want in bed.

Now there is a right way and a wrong way to approach this. I would strongly suggest you refrain from telling him you want to tie him down and have your way with him. I do suggest that at some point where the conversation can be steered in this direction, explain to him your experiences and express to him that you would like to do this with a partner.

There are plenty of sites that discuss how to go about talking about the subject: https://www.google.com/?gws_rd=ssl#q=how...er&spell=1

I did tell him that I just began using the hook up app, and that i did meet and have sex with someone from it. So I was honest about that. In no way am I suggesting to him that I'm looking for any kind of serious relationship wiIth him. Just that if he wanted to slowly explore his sexual desires that I would be open to doing that with him.

If we chat and do the video cam thing we will talk more, and I'll let him know that I am also in an exploratory phase of all of this, and taking a casual approach to my exploration. That I am in no way looking for a boyfriend or being tied down by one person....well, i guess I am looking for that but only in the literal sense! haha.

The kink, which I do not plan to pursue with him, would scare him off. Since I'll be up front about my exploration being open, I don't feel the need to tell him the details of what that specifically means to me. So long as he knows that I am, and plan to do my own thing.

[MikeW]

OMFG, this is SO much my own sexual fantasy -- being and having a sexual mentor.

There are all *kinds* of possible *relationships* that are not the capital R husband/husband relationships. The problem I have with "hookups" is they are so (how to put it?) *uninvolved.* I don't like them for this reason -- sort of a slam, bam, thank you man (at best). I like to feel I have *some* connection with the dude, at the very least I want to know his real name and I'd like to feel like I'm seen as a real live human being in his eyes. So, no mere hook-ups for me.

On the other side of the coin, though, that doesn't mean I have to be *dating* a guy with the intention of forming some idyllic LTR. In fact, at this point in my life, that is the last thing I want. And I'd wager at this point in your life [MENTION=21734]reaper[/MENTION], it wouldn't be the ideal thing for your journey either. I suspect (whether he knows it or not) the same is true for this younger dude you've met.

Well, fine; so you go into it from the POV of let's check this out -- see what, if anything, we have to share with one another. Take it slow, step by step -- not a one-off -- but not a "we'll live happily ever after" either. From my POV, this is potentially a good opportunity for both of you. Think of it as just PLAY -- having fun, enjoying the erotic sensations that come with getting physical. Hell, what's wrong with that? Perhaps, at some point down the line, you'll want to 'redefine' the relationship as 'just friends' or w/e -- but in the mean time you both get something out of it -- more experience, more confidence in the sexual arena, etc.

One point I'll mention -- this has been my experience with both young and/or inexperienced guys -- you may have to deal with a lot of hot one minute cold the next. For example, I've seen guys who were totally horny and INTO it and then, once they've had the orgasm, the dopamine/serotonin brain chemistry flips, and they sort of 'freak out' and get scared or withdrawn or just weirded out by the whole thing. (I have a theory that this is actually why a lot of guys prefer hookups -- it is a safety measure, a defense mechanism, but wtf do I know.)

And, yeah, don't bring up the bondage stuff until you know he can deal with it. You never know what is lurking within some 'kid's' head -- hell, half the time even they don't know themselves, because they haven't yet (psychologically) let themselves *think* or even *imagine* such a thing. But, once that door is opened in the right (erotic) context, it can get hot (or not).

My vote is go for it.

[Lexington]

Everything sounds promising so far. Good luck to you both.

Lex

[MountLogan]

So I started using a hook up app that's been a hit and miss for me so far.

I tell him I came out 8 weeks ago, but that I did have sex once and am very inexperienced myself. (The club and bondage would NOT be something to mention to him)

Chances aren't good that I'll get to tie him down and do my thing...but that's fine. Those worlds don't need to coexist.

Hey I am new here so what is this club and bondage thing your doing. I probably miss that part of you talking about it so i am curious what is and what your doing in this club. I would just like a better understanding because i've seen you and people referring to it a few time catching my interest. But you don't have to answer me if you don't feel like it.

I am just wondering why it would not be something to mention to him?

Anyway I hope it will workout because nothing like being with an inexperienced guy when you are inexperienced.

[reaper]

OMFG, this is SO much my own sexual fantasy -- being and having a sexual mentor.

There are all *kinds* of possible *relationships* that are not the capital R husband/husband relationships. The problem I have with "hookups" is they are so (how to put it?) *uninvolved.* I don't like them for this reason -- sort of a slam, bam, thank you man (at best). I like to feel I have *some* connection with the dude, at the very least I want to know his real name and I'd like to feel like I'm seen as a real live human being in his eyes. So, no mere hook-ups for me.

On the other side of the coin, though, that doesn't mean I have to be *dating* a guy with the intention of forming some idyllic LTR. In fact, at this point in my life, that is the last thing I want. And I'd wager at this point in your life [MENTION=21734]reaper[/MENTION], it wouldn't be the ideal thing for your journey either. I suspect (whether he knows it or not) the same is true for this younger dude you've met.

Well, fine; so you go into it from the POV of let's check this out -- see what, if anything, we have to share with one another. Take it slow, step by step -- not a one-off -- but not a "we'll live happily ever after" either. From my POV, this is potentially a good opportunity for both of you. Think of it as just PLAY -- having fun, enjoying the erotic sensations that come with getting physical. Hell, what's wrong with that? Perhaps, at some point down the line, you'll want to 'redefine' the relationship as 'just friends' or w/e -- but in the mean time you both get something out of it -- more experience, more confidence in the sexual arena, etc.

One point I'll mention -- this has been my experience with both young and/or inexperienced guys -- you may have to deal with a lot of hot one minute cold the next. For example, I've seen guys who were totally horny and INTO it and then, once they've had the orgasm, the dopamine/serotonin brain chemistry flips, and they sort of 'freak out' and get scared or withdrawn or just weirded out by the whole thing. (I have a theory that this is actually why a lot of guys prefer hookups -- it is a safety measure, a defense mechanism, but wtf do I know.)

And, yeah, don't bring up the bondage stuff until you know he can deal with it. You never know what is lurking within some 'kid's' head -- hell, half the time even they don't know themselves, because they haven't yet (psychologically) let themselves *think* or even *imagine* such a thing. But, once that door is opened in the right (erotic) context, it can get hot (or not).

My vote is go for it.

yeah, I realize I use the term hook up in a way that comes off as misleading. When I say it, I usually mean I want to be sexual with the person vs a one time thing which I guess it implies.

If things develop with this guy, it would not be a "hookup". We'd do an online thing, most likely meet in a nonsexual way, and then maybe get sexual once, and if, he's comfortable with it.

So it would be a relationship of sorts.

Same goes with my bondage partner. I have used "hook up" in that situation as well. But obviously it's not the right description being we have an ongoing relationship that would continue if things became more sexual or not.

He's actually 30. He's troubled by all this. He's fighting it, not accepting it. He seems to have guilt or shame about it.

He's already done the hot and cold thing you mention. But he did say he'd like to explore this with me.

I have some odd interests (not in my own eyes) but I'm a caring person. I would go about this in a delicate way. It would be mutually beneficial, this can help us both.

I also have VERY little experience. But my time in the club, the relationships I've developed there, and the things I do there have made this transition easy for me.

I went from knowing to accepting at the same time. I never had the guilt, worry, stress, ect that seem to be more common for the majority of people.

[reaper]

Hey I am new here so what is this club and bondage thing your doing. I probably miss that part of you talking about it so i am curious what is and what your doing in this club. I would just like a better understanding because i've seen you and people referring to it a few time catching my interest. But you don't have to answer me if you don't feel like it.

I am just wondering why it would not be something to mention to him?

Anyway I hope it will workout because nothing like being with an inexperienced guy when you are inexperienced.

Hey man, in my previous threads I got into it in greater detail. But I basically came out by going to a gay bondage club in the city. At first I just watched, then got involved as a bottom, now I top and bottom. I'm not sure I can post the link in here but I'll send it to you. You can see for yourself. It's kink, BDSM.