Mother Probelms

[Batman]

I am bisexual and gender fluid. I have been in a committed relationship for two years, and my partner accepts me for exactly who I am. They are very supported about what I want in life too.
I am also out to all of my friends, publicly on FB, and to my immediate family. I have come out to my great grandma, and ended up explaining bisexuality to her.
However, I want to come out to my whole family. It is important to me that I am loved for exactly who I am. I like who I am and I want everyone to know and love me for every part of me.
However, my mom told me that "I am not allowed to because it would look bad on her." She also asked me when I told her I didn't want to be considered a female anymore "why I didn't love myself?"
I am very frustrated with her responses to my sexuality and gender and would like some advice from someone who has had similar experiences with a parent would if afraid of the judgment of family for having a queer child.

[Lexington]

Your problem is here:

It is important to me that I am loved for exactly who I am. I like who I am and I want everyone to know and love me for every part of me.

You can insist that people KNOW you for exactly what you are. You can tell them that you're bisexual and gender-fluid. One might even argue that that's as it should be. But you can not insist that they LOVE you for that. Yes, ideally, they SHOULD love you for who and what you are. But you can't force their responses. All you can do is tell them what you are, and educate them should they want/need/desire educating.

As far as your mother's responses...

"I am not allowed to because it would look bad on her."

This has nothing to do with her, and everything to do with you. You're not coming out as gender fluid and bisexual because of anything your mother did - you're doing it for yourself. Her fighting you doing so is the only thing that would reflect poorly on her.

"Why don't you love yourself?"

The fact is - you DO love yourself. You love yourself enough to go through the rather rocky journey of self-realization, to discover your true sexuality and gender. Instead of forcing yourself to live as something you're not, you've freed yourself to live as you truly are. Which is pretty much the definition of love right there.

Lex

[BrianNorth]

Agree with Lex. When coming out to someone it's unfair to demand they react and feel as you want them to. In a perfect world we would be able to express our sexuality as the first inkling of feelings either way but society isn't there yet. If people react poorly then you have the choice of if you want them in your life or not.

[Virge]

I bet arguing and trying to reason with your mother is what you want to do, right?

All the experts (people who have argued and tried to reason with family) all say it's stupid to even try.
Let your mom alone and go on with your life. Either she will change in time or she won't and it won't have anything to do with you trying to change her. If you want to dedicate your life to eradicating dumb shit you'll have a full time job for life because people who invent dumb shit to believe are faster at reinventing dumb shit than you ever will be at eradicating it.

[Camfer]

It makes me wonder why your mother doesn't love herself.

[Cuddly]

Send your mother to the internet so she can self-educate and get a better understanding of how you're wired.

Also, I cannot believe that your mother would say such a thing! She should be proud of you, for having the guts to be who you are.

[xfrostx]

It's really so weird to me when people are surprised when parents can be assholes because parents can be huge assholes and so is yours, kind of (I'm sorry for calling your mom an asshole).

I'm gay and my mother hated me for this, she really did and not just because I'm gay but because I humiliated her in front of our family and people from the church she used to go to. My advice is to sit down and have a little chat with her about this before you decide on coming out to the rest of your family. Try to get her to understand and that it won't be the end of the world if they find out. Hopefully your mom won't turn out to be like mine who just didn't give a shit if I'm dead or alive as long as her reputation was intact and you'll reach an agreement!

Wish you good luck

[Batman]

Thank you everyone for your responses. I have been dwelling on this for a while, and appreciate members of the community giving me their input on the situation.
As far as people loving me, I know I can not force anyone to love me. In fact I know there are a few family members who will disown me or severely look down on me. And I am okay with that, but I would rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not.

[Virge]

Thank you everyone for your responses. I have been dwelling on this for a while, and appreciate members of the community giving me their input on the situation.
As far as people loving me, I know I can not force anyone to love me. In fact I know there are a few family members who will disown me or severely look down on me. And I am okay with that, but I would rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not.

You need to keep saying that and everything will turn out fine. Sure there will be hard times when you look at things in terms of days. But one year, maybe two or three, either you will have outgrown the negative things or the people who are negative will have grown to understand and accept you.