YES, it's simply because I believe that giving someone a second chance is like giving that someone the power to correct the wrong thing that he or she had done. It would be unfair to hinder someone the right to be seen in another light because we are not gods and godesses. When we give someone a second chance, we should make sure that we give it to them completely for them to feel that we put trust on them. The most inhuman thing that we do often is that we give people second chances but we don't invest trust along the way, it's like the whole thing is as good as nothing. Everyone makes mistakes in this world, and most of us regret it after we do it- it could be mere minutes, days, months, or even years. Nonetheless, it is important that we strive to compensate for what we did, in small, inexplicable ways. People who do that certainly deserve a second chance. As long as we are sorry for what we do, and make a promise to God that we won't do so again, we all deserve a second chance to make up, to apologize and to do whatever we can to make the world a better place.
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...a definite...maybe....
It all depends on the context...what are we talking about?
Say, for instance...you meet a psycho...giving them a second chance would be foolish....
...or if you are in a romantic relationship with a sociopath...what would the point be in giving them a second chance once you figure out what you are dealing with?
If it is a garden variety fuck up with someone who isn't scary...sure...I would probably give them more than one chance if they were honest and owned their mistakes....
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There is a difference between second chances and making amends. If the person is truly sorry for whatever misgiving then they should be making amends. When it comes to second chances it is playing with fire. The biggest predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour. People tend to not change unless provoked to make big changes and often they just return back to square one.
If the person really wants to make amends then they need to have taken the steps to make the changes, make the changes and then demonstrate their progress. There is also the thing if you're trying to prove to someone you've changed and they're not receptive to it over and over and over again there may be no repairing the situation. Take it as a lesson learned and move forward with life with your emotional progress intact.
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Hi Lhan, I think we all need to give second chances and to receive them.
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I think everyone deserves a second chance, we all make mistakes in life.
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Like [MENTION=18508]East[/MENTION], for me it depends on the context. Not just -what- happened, but also how badly it hurt me or those I care about.
I just find that there's some things, or some extreme amounts of emotional pain, I can't get past and forgive. This is even more so when it comes to hurting those few people I care deeply for.
But for most things? I'm ok with giving second chances.
That doesn't mean they get carte blanche. It means I'm willing to sit back and watch, wait, and see if they trip over their own shit again. Over time, if they don't, that watchfulness eases and things return to a form of "normal".
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as long as that someone really mean it, why not?
but I'm not giving chances to those who most likely gonna blow them out
sociopath or not as long as that person really willing to "amend" themselves -like what brian said-
I'll gladly give them second chance since everyone deserves it -I guess-
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Context is everything on second chances so I agree with [MENTION=18508]East[/MENTION] and [MENTION=20738]TwisttheLeaf[/MENTION]. If and when I'm a dad I'll be giving second third and fourth chances because kids learn from their mistakes and positive feedback from parents better than being prevented from making mistakes by "hover-parents" and then given negative feedback that tears them down and makes them feel like they're unable to do anything without messing up.
With adults such a friends it would be case by case and depend on many factors. There's a good reason for this. When some people have done wrong to me I don't give them a second chance because they will learn and remember the lesson better if they aren't given a second chance. There's nothing hateful or vengeful in that really. It's a way of making them remember "if you do someone like this it will cost you a good friendship." Most people learn from that and do better.
People who do things intentionally to hurt or use me never get a second chance. That's just common sense self preservation.
Then there's another thing related to this. Forgiveness. I don't carry grudges against anyone more than 10 minutes. I can forgive them in my heart for anything. That's what forgiveness means. Forgiveness is not something that can be asked for by someone who has done wrong -- but a lot of people thing that's what forgiveness is about.
Sit back and think about people in your life who've asked you for forgiveness for something they've done to you. How many of them turned around a short time later and hurt you again or several more times that they followed up by asking forgiveness? For their own good you should stop forgiving people like that and tell them you cannot give them permission to hurt you after they've already done it. Break the circle of that type of behavior and make them change.
In a relationship ...... that's tough. In fact my secret goal post for deciding if people are in relationships or not is if they've broken up for valid reasons and then found the strength to rebuild a stronger relationship on the ruins of the first one. That's what happened with me and Jay Easter 2010. I was done with him and the way our relationship was. Three weeks later he came to talk and talk and talk and talk to work things out and see if we could redefine out relationship and improve it. We did and he went out on some limbs to restore my faith in him and a relationship with him. He proved beyond any doubt he was serious and that was all it took. All the bad from the past was erased.
We've talked about even things like what if one of us feels the urge to cheat on the other. The answer to that was pretty obvious to us. If I feel i need to cheat on him I know I can rely on him to help me through it since he's the person I trust most -- and the same goes for him. If he feels an urge to cheat I want to know first so I can work with him to understand it before it happens and do what "we" can do to save what we have together.
End of subject as far as I'm concerned.
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