Two tops

[JohnWilliams]

Do you think two tops can make it work during sex?

[jaxc]

If there both into giving oral or are willing to compromise, sure, otherwise the only other option i can think of would be some kind of open relationship

[Virge]

If they are more into their roles than each other then they're in bed for the wrong reasons.

[Bhp91126]

Yes with compromise, lots of patience and even more lube.

[Camfer]

Interesting question. I hope we get to the bottom of this.

[JackTX]

Hrm... I feel like we just had a "Can 2 bottoms work?" thread...

Anyway, yes, it can work, but one or the both of you may have to make some sacrifices. Or, what everyone else said

How bad do you guys want this to work?

[Hardheaded1]

One solution is to abandon the artificial and imputed sex roles. They are not innate. The propensity of some gay men to assume that shopping preference labels like "top" or "bottom" have some greater significance seems to be the problem. Feminism worked to stop people from objectifying people for sex. Gay men initially sided with feminists, but then the more vocal few decided that gay men preferred objectification and even created a language that ensured it would become ingrained. Go to a hookup site like CL to see such examples.

Gay men are attracted to other men. That's it. Almost everything else is cultural and not set in stone. Even sex itself is not defined narrowly, as conjugation isn't only one thing. Maybe you both masturbate one another. Maybe you have oral sex. Maybe you have anal sex. Maybe you grow to rarely have sex like most heterosexual couples.

It's relative to who you two are and what you're commitment is.

Frankly, "top" sounds like a kid's toy, or a lid on the peanut butter jar. I don't know of anyone whom I would ever use that label for. It seems a bit two-dimensional, and not far removed from slave or bitch or other assumed-rather-than-equal roles. I could call myself "top," or "breadwinner" or "housekeeper," but none of those roles is in my genetics, only in my willingness to do certain work.

[dynamodean]

One of them can take one for the team...

jk...hardheaded put it well. Sex comes in all flavors (thankfully). I can have sex with you without having to top or bottom. If you wanna play, you can play.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Depends on what you mean by top and bottom. Unfortunately gay culture has stuck strict sexual context to these two terms and have completely thrown out the rest of human psychology and how couples compliment each other based on the perceived and real differences between the male and female genders.

Unlike others here I get the whole psychology of the roles and their wider meanings and definitions, which can (and often does) impact gay relationships. just because two men can form a lovers bond, does not mean we have broken through billions of years of evolution that has lead to the bi-gendered model.

Humans are bi-gendered and we are largely hardwired to that bi-gendered design and expectations of each gender and how humans developed to insure the survival of their offspring, the work that each parental unit does has lead to our having clear cut roles and expectations of each partner. mom stays at home and nurtures, dad goes out and hunts/provides this is a structure that has been seen through out all of human history and in paleontological and anthropological digs of earlier hominids. We see this sort of structure in our closest hominid relatives.

Just because you are gay does not give you a pass on the billions of years of physical and social evolution that has lead to humans being able to survive.


Tops tend to be more dominate/leaders and bottoms tend to be more submissive/followers in many to all other aspects of a relationship. These do tend to be hardwired personality traits which can lead to troubles in all areas of a relationship if both are strictly top/bottom personality make-up.

Two leaders will tend to be in perpetual combat mode, each fighting to lead (power struggle phase which pretty much never ends satisfactorily), two followers will accomplish little waiting for the other to lead. This can have an impact on every aspect of a relationship, up to and including sex.

Men who are tops generally just don't like to be anally penetrated. But it also can include other activities they do not like and do like which we view as the male-dominant position when it comes to sex.

If neither of you can enjoy being penetrated, and both of you must penetrate in order to be satisfied, then you will have problems, relationship fatal problems.

If one of you can accept the penetrated mode, this might work short time, however resentment usually follows as those who can accept it (tolerate it) usually don't enjoy it as much and end up feeling they are doing all the giving.

The sex act is equally complicated and has all manner of intimacy involved. From who does the kissing to who is kissed, who does the the holding to who is held. even casual hook-ups have most of the defining markers of these other intimacies which are part of sex.

Thus this is not a simple matter of can two tops figure out a working solution to who fucks whom - its more or less finding real satisfaction in these other matters of intimacy which depending on how hardwired for the top role both individuals are can make or break a relationship.

[Pcolakuntryboy]

Well they do make sex toys like the Head Honcho and Fleshjack. My BF and I love playing around with these. There's ways to make it work if you're really into the other person.