Conundrum

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I have been working on this problem for about a week now. And I am no closer to an answer than when I was first offered a way out. I'm stymied by fear, greif, depression and an assortment of other emotions, then there is the sheer weight of too many things to think about that my gears are all locked up in my head and I can't even make simple choices like if I want sugar in my coffee or not.

Someone I barely know has offered me a way out of my present situation(s). This is a very kind and generous offer, and considering no one I know face to face and have known for years has done more than to electronically pat my hand and say 'there there, I feel for you....' then proceed to ask my advice or seek my assistance in their life problems:confused: I am most impressed that a virtual stranger would offer so much to a person he doesn't know. Especially since I joke so much about having the body of a 25 year old (tied up and lock up in my basement).

Then I have my issues, like PTSD, SAD, Epilepsy, etc. Plus the plethora of other neurosis - I doubt he understands that I enjoy way too many tea parties with white rabbits, dormice and hatters. :tongue:

However I barely know this person, and we all know that I have a tendency to misjudge the character of people and trust a bit too much. Those of the older members here may recall that whole Blue situation.... This situation is different because there is none of that love and romance crap to muddle my judgment.

This is a gift horse, and we are cautioned not to look those in the mouth, yet at the same time I know sufficient psychology to know that my situation being what it is, my self admitted nature, and my past experiences with getting involved with people who have unhealthy intentions for me does lead to my being a potential good victim for an unhealthy mind.

I am fully aware I am pretty much going to put myself in a very vulnerable situation and will be at the mercy of this individual. Be he just a kind and empathetic individual with no altruistic motive, or be he an axe murderer, or worse.... (trust me there are worse things in the world).

The whole situation with Blue here a year or so ago is a not so gentle reminder to me of how readily I can get myself entangled with unwell people.

This person has been kind enough to offer their home to me for an unspecified amount of time until I get back on my feet. The problem with that is that its a decent chunk of North America from me in a place I passed through 20+ years ago, but have no solid connections with. Since I'm not allowed to drive (epilepsy), I will be a virtual prisoner to this city with no way out that I can see other than hoofing it.

So I would be arriving to this new city, lets call it the Emerald City, without transportation, without no solid job leads (although I did look on Craigslist to see what is offered in that city), without much in the way of finances (although there may be more gold in my pile of treasures than I am aware of, old elves rarely understand the monetary value of stuff). And since my roommate has demonstrated he can't be trusted with another life, that means everything ends with 'and my little dog too'.

All of that was fine and well for me in my 20's when I often went flying off on wild adventure and readily adapted to a new place and damn the consequences. Now I'm old, tired and not up to the task of packing up a duffel bag and walking (running) away from 'problems'.

There is a bit of a whirlwind (or tornado, lets stick with the Oz theme here) aspect as he has a bit of time off this month (for the holidays I assume) and has offered to even come out and collect me, my stuff and my little dog too. Which is fine and well since I have until February 4th when my eviction runs its course. So time is not my friend in any case.

So on top of the whole uncertainty of the situation, there is a time limit here as well.

I'm turning to you all here because I don't trust my own judgement, and I can't see a 'safe' way to do this sort of thing. Chances are rather high that I'm just too close to the trees to see the forest and cannot see how to proceed in a safe and sane manner. Maybe there is no safe and sane route here and I have to throw dice and trust in God.... I joke I know better than to trust God, He's a jerk.

As many of you may know currently I'm wrestling with too many things, and trying to fix way too much at the same time, then getting added burdens to my pile of 'shit' such as enabling my roommates drug habit by lying to his boss about why it is I'm calling in sick for him . Yes I know, don't enable, but that is far easier said than done.

So my slow methodical thinking process is already tasked well beyond my processing limit with other crap. I literally can't think at this time. Really, I have found myself literally standing in one place caught in thoughts unable to decide a simple things let alone the more consequential things.

So yes, I'm actually asking for someone else to make this decision/choice for me. And since this place, this forum is about the only place I know people and know that there is wisdom and intelligence in a lot of you. IDK, maybe I should make a poll and do it in a democratic way and cast a vote? I'm turning to you all.

There is another member I know here and actually do trust who lives in the same area. Unfortunately he hasn't been around in like a coon's age, so I can't ask him if things go awry does he have my back.

I will say that this guy who has offered to help is a member here. So I know that he will be reading this and will know that I'm seeking 'advice' from you all. I will refrain from dropping names and place names as to respect his anonymity, since I don't know if this is just embarrassing as hell for him as it is for me.

I don't know what other data is needed to plot a solution here. Ask and I shall endeavor to answer.

[bluerealm]

You're in a bad situation. You do seem to like to help people out your self. I worry that you create unneeded drama in your life. Be careful about talking about private conversations on a post even if its asking for advice. You're a adult and this means that you need to make life or death decisions. You need shelter, food, and a source of income.

God can be cruel but teaches something within the cruelty.

You have to much going on and you have to STOP!

How can I get shelter, food, and a source of income?
How can I keep my self out of harm's way?
Do I have any one who can help like friends or family?

You need help. Also, think about reaching out to local churches. Its hard to ask for help but you might need some.

Your story is a tearjerker. The part that gets to me is when you said I don't want to be alone.
God can be a mother fu*ker but hes trying to tell you something.

[CarGuy65]

Bowyn, I have been following your story since I joined and don't really know what to say. I had hopes that someone would step up and help you out in some way (If I could,I would). It sounds like you may have a great opportunity to get out of your situation. I understand the unsure feelings you may be having.
If it would make your decision easier, should you accept this challenge, I would pass along all the pertinent information to another person who you fully trust. Just to be on the safe side.
I don't know who the member who offered you this great opportunity is but I would like to personally thank this member for stepping up to help. Thank You!
I hope this is the break you need to get out of your present situation. As for being alone.......You will never be alone with all of us here who care! Just make sure you stay with us and keep us in the know of what is happening.

[Rareboy]

I can't make the decision for you. None of us can. We can't take the responsibility.

But you have to make the choice.

Life is an adventure and sometimes you just jump out of the plane. If someone offers you a parachute. grab it. The alternative is messy.

The other approach is to take all the job on yourself. Call Social Services. Explain the crisis. Get away from your co-dependent. Live close to what you know.

You are the one who has to make this decision.

I rescued a guy in 1982. I was the lifeline. He is cooking dinner behind me as I write this.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Ok no more replies needed. Someone else just gave me a clear bill of health on this... A refreshing change. So now I know that this is safe.

Thanks all who replied/read.

[Lycanthropist]

Nevermind. Decision has been made.

[TwisttheLeaf]

I'm glad to hear you found your answer @BowynAerrow I hope it works out for you.

[Cuddly]

I really hope this works out for you Bowyn. And a big thank you to the good samaritan, for offering help to our beloved elf.

[ShiftyNJ]

I too have been reading about your situation with concern and wishing I could think of a way to help from far away. I am glad a solution appears to be emerging and will continue to hold you in mind. Please keep us updated.

[Hardheaded1]

May this be the start of a better world. I know your caretaking job began as a great gig, but everything changed over time.

You're overdue for a return to a life of peace and wellness.