Sexual and Romantic Orientation Doubt
12-18-2014, 06:00 PM
Hi guys, how are you? Hope you're doing well.
First thing first, thank you for your taking the time to read this post. Honestly, much appreciated.
I'm a 23 y.o. girl. I've "dated" (if that's what you call going out with someone for at least 2 days in a month) and kissed (I'm pretty sure I can count them all with one hand only) men before. The thing is, I've never felt comfortable. Pleasure? Not sure, I think it was more about feeling "empowered" other than sexual satisfaction itself.
I've an issue with physical contact though in general, so that may be it. Don't know what occurs to me, but whenever someone approaches or tries to make a move on me, my body automatically shuts down and fails to respond. Hence I retreat. Needless to say, I've never done anything other than kissing.
I've come into realization though, that, with girls it's different. I just feel more comfortable. (Never had any physical experience/ sexual urge though).
The other night for instance, I was at this party talking to a girl I didn't know when I noticed she was cold. Hence, I decided to lend her my jacket. (Not the first time it happens). On my first day at work, for instance, I lend this girl my umbrella, for I was a block away from my stop whereas she had to walk an extra 5. I just love these gestures, opening the door for a girl, lending her things, listening to her, looking at her eyes (mantaining eye contact is really hard for me when it comes to lads). I don't know what it is but it makes me feel good, comfortable and - "powerful"? (Not the exact term I was looking for) but yes, confident and secure above all. Also, whenever I sing songs from a male point of view, (i.e. "When I was your man") I sing them from the male's point of view, not the other way round. I've tried singing them the other way round but I just don't feel as passionate as I feel doing so as if I were a male singing it to a girl.
I've been thinking about it. Could it be that maybe due to the fact I've never had these kind of interactions with men before, I'm sort of "fulfilling" these "lacking experiences" by applying them myself with others?
With men I feel strange, kind of like the "Lady in distress"; I feel submissive and strange. I'd love to have the -movie kiss cliché scene- but whenever the time comes in real life, I feel dumb and begin to overthink everything, unabling myself from living the moment.
I don't however, feel that way when I'm talking about football with them, when I feel "part of the boys". I feel like i've got different personalities; I'm definitely not the same when I'm with a boy/girl, to the point I no longer know who am I or what I like. Has it ever happened to any of you? I feel like an "actress" all the time, playing different roles according to the circumstance (against my will, of course).
What do you guys think? I'm very sorry for the length of this post and (once again), I really appreciate the time taken to read this.
Have a nice day everyone!
First thing first, thank you for your taking the time to read this post. Honestly, much appreciated.
I'm a 23 y.o. girl. I've "dated" (if that's what you call going out with someone for at least 2 days in a month) and kissed (I'm pretty sure I can count them all with one hand only) men before. The thing is, I've never felt comfortable. Pleasure? Not sure, I think it was more about feeling "empowered" other than sexual satisfaction itself.
I've an issue with physical contact though in general, so that may be it. Don't know what occurs to me, but whenever someone approaches or tries to make a move on me, my body automatically shuts down and fails to respond. Hence I retreat. Needless to say, I've never done anything other than kissing.
I've come into realization though, that, with girls it's different. I just feel more comfortable. (Never had any physical experience/ sexual urge though).
The other night for instance, I was at this party talking to a girl I didn't know when I noticed she was cold. Hence, I decided to lend her my jacket. (Not the first time it happens). On my first day at work, for instance, I lend this girl my umbrella, for I was a block away from my stop whereas she had to walk an extra 5. I just love these gestures, opening the door for a girl, lending her things, listening to her, looking at her eyes (mantaining eye contact is really hard for me when it comes to lads). I don't know what it is but it makes me feel good, comfortable and - "powerful"? (Not the exact term I was looking for) but yes, confident and secure above all. Also, whenever I sing songs from a male point of view, (i.e. "When I was your man") I sing them from the male's point of view, not the other way round. I've tried singing them the other way round but I just don't feel as passionate as I feel doing so as if I were a male singing it to a girl.
I've been thinking about it. Could it be that maybe due to the fact I've never had these kind of interactions with men before, I'm sort of "fulfilling" these "lacking experiences" by applying them myself with others?
With men I feel strange, kind of like the "Lady in distress"; I feel submissive and strange. I'd love to have the -movie kiss cliché scene- but whenever the time comes in real life, I feel dumb and begin to overthink everything, unabling myself from living the moment.
I don't however, feel that way when I'm talking about football with them, when I feel "part of the boys". I feel like i've got different personalities; I'm definitely not the same when I'm with a boy/girl, to the point I no longer know who am I or what I like. Has it ever happened to any of you? I feel like an "actress" all the time, playing different roles according to the circumstance (against my will, of course).
What do you guys think? I'm very sorry for the length of this post and (once again), I really appreciate the time taken to read this.
Have a nice day everyone!
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