Too many ups and downs

[meridannight]

man, you really have to talk to your partner about all this. do NOT wait around on it. you have to speak to him, you two need to talk these things through.

i understand you feel confused about his behavior, and i can't speak for your partner, but i recognize a little of myself in what you describe. i am affectionate with the guy i'm with, but i have my moments of distance. not responding to a text, for example, is something i'd do and not even realize it could be interpreted as a signal that i am less interested/involved. i can be in love with the guy and still not text back at times, and it's not a sign that i am any less in love.

i remember one specific time i came off quite cold was when the guy i'm currently involved with just got back from a solo trip that followed some stressful times for him to begin with and i was the first one he called to tell me about it. he didn't even want sex (that's pretty much given with us), he just wanted to talk to me, and i missed that. big time. i just dropped a couple ''oh, it's great you're back'' and ''how was it?'' sort of things, and i don't really know what i was thinking. i didn't realize till later that i could've handled that one a bit better.

also, i think it's cute he told you 'thanks' when you said you loved him (though i am in the dark here about his tone of voice at the time). he might just want to say it differently at times, rather than coming out with the expected ''i love you too''. things like that can feel becoming automatic after some time, and with that losing their true meaning. so a guy might want to do the usual exchange of affection differently in order to keep it feeling real, and not like some automated message. i know to me it starts to feel like that after some time, and i tend to change what i say and when i say it, in order to keep it real, or to prevent the exchange between us from losing its authenticity. others might not feel the same way, or be in sync with that though. in your case, it could be that he was literally thankful for you being there and loving him. it's not a wrong answer.

the fact that he called you when he was breaking down is a sign of trust from where i look at it. it would have to be the person most close to me and the one i trusted most to call him like that.

my point being, there could be some specific reason to why he's being less affectionate with you, or it could be that at least some of these things you mention are a normal neutral default behavior for him that he doesn't even realize could be hurtful to you. what i said are speculations, and observations based on my own life. only talking to your partner will tell you what is going on with him.

[Hardheaded1]

Even in a relationship, the daily text may seem smothering to him, asking him to be more emotive than he likes. I had a platonic gay friend that did that to me, and it really got old. I didn't like him less, but there was an implicit expectation that I would answer in return.

There is also a question of him being fully out, as has been raised.

Talk. Stop smoldering. Talk.

[Borg69]

What he calls boyfriends, I'd call friends with benefits... only he's not really being a friend to you either. You're basically there for him when he wants his cock serviced and you get a few platitudes to keep you hanging on. He doesn't seem to know how (or want?) To be a real boyfriend, which involves so much more than just using each other for sex.

You practically have to make an appointment to see him on his terms. You're almost an unpaid hooker.

[dynamodean]

Relationships, if you can call what you have with him that, are supposed to be two-way streets. It seems the traffic is completely going one way right now and the only reciprocating he does is between the sheets. Sit his ass down and talk to him, like you're doing with us here. If he's still an asshole, then that's your cue to move on.

[Rareboy]

I am concerned that the unpleasant man you see is the real man and that you may be rushing too fast to move in together. There seems to be something highly unstable about your BF....maybe Steve has hit the nail on the head and there is a mental health issue that needs to be dealt with.....or he may just be an asshole.

I would tread carefully, but I also would start with 'the talk' to see if he can open up and find a way through an anger that seems to be rooted in something far deeper than anything you are doing or not doing.