My boyfriend and Grindr
12-27-2014, 04:06 AM
I read a really good thread about this very topic on here and I thought I would share what I am currently dealing with.
My boyfriend and I have been together for 9, almost 10 months. We have a fairly solid relationship. We have our ups and downs, but we talk to each when something arises. Before I get to the Grindr portion, there is a bit of a back story. He is into a fetish where he talks to guys about it through text messaging, Facebook, Instagram, KiK, and a couple of sites relating to the fetish. He was clear that the conversations he has are not sexual and his intentions are for friendships. I believed him since he showed me messages, pics, etc. He tells me about guys he talks to so we do communicate. I made it clear since he is talking to strangers that I be allowed to look at his phone when I ask to and that he must disclose he is in a relationship. He agreed. Knowing all of this, our relationship was rock solid until a month or so ago. He was offered a job across the country back in August. After two weeks of talking it through, we made the decision to move and told each other we are in it together. He wasn't going to move unless I went with him. I hold no regrets in our decision and despite what is going on right now, I still do not regret moving with him.
I've only looked at his phone twice. The first time, there was nothing out of the ordinary. The second time came last week when I stumbled upon a conversation between my bf and this guy that was into the fetish. I was taken aback by some of the things my boyfriend told this guy. Such as "I wish I could see you." and "I know, me too." in the context that my boyfriend was sick at the time and the guy said he wished to could take care of him. I confronted him right away. The other guy knew me and my bf were together. After hours of talking, the end result is my bf was embarrassed and understood what he did was wrong. He told the guy they can never speak again, he deleted his phone number, and stopped following him on Instagram. I forgave and we moved on.
Fast forward to December 24. Currently, he is home (in another state) visiting his family. He has his GMail account linked on my tablet. On Christmas Day, I went to switch to my account and I noticed a notification about a password reset to Grindr. (We met on Grindr and we both still had our accounts, we did not delete them entirely.) So I fired up my account and since he was "starred" I saw that he was online just a few minutes before we spoke on the phone. He has been constantly on it and logged in, although I know where he is and who he is with. We text or call each other since he got to where his family lives. His profile was updated that to where he lives. He is looking for Chat, Networking, and Friends, but his status states Single.
I am at a loss. We both have only each other here so we played with the idea that if we needed to make friends that we would turn to Grindr. But since he is away (no need for him to make friends in a place where he already has them and no longer lives in) and did not tell me any of this, I am having a tough time computing this and finding any logical reason.
He could very well be just killing time, looking at pics, chatting since I know he hates it there and isn’t having a good time and just wants to come home. Yes, I know he could very well be "hooking up". But, it's just not who he is. I wholeheartedly feel he is not that type of person. He once found out about his bf cheating on him by going through his phone. He told me the feeling sucked and that he wouldn't hurt anyone in that way. I believe him since I have also been cheated on before and we both know what it feels like. At the beginning of our relationship we agreed to me monogamous. I trust him in general, but this behavior of doing things without telling me is unacceptable.
I know this is long and I appreciate anyone that took the time to read this. Any advice is greatly appreciated. If it matters I am 9 years older than he is. I have more experience with relationships than he does.
My boyfriend and I have been together for 9, almost 10 months. We have a fairly solid relationship. We have our ups and downs, but we talk to each when something arises. Before I get to the Grindr portion, there is a bit of a back story. He is into a fetish where he talks to guys about it through text messaging, Facebook, Instagram, KiK, and a couple of sites relating to the fetish. He was clear that the conversations he has are not sexual and his intentions are for friendships. I believed him since he showed me messages, pics, etc. He tells me about guys he talks to so we do communicate. I made it clear since he is talking to strangers that I be allowed to look at his phone when I ask to and that he must disclose he is in a relationship. He agreed. Knowing all of this, our relationship was rock solid until a month or so ago. He was offered a job across the country back in August. After two weeks of talking it through, we made the decision to move and told each other we are in it together. He wasn't going to move unless I went with him. I hold no regrets in our decision and despite what is going on right now, I still do not regret moving with him.
I've only looked at his phone twice. The first time, there was nothing out of the ordinary. The second time came last week when I stumbled upon a conversation between my bf and this guy that was into the fetish. I was taken aback by some of the things my boyfriend told this guy. Such as "I wish I could see you." and "I know, me too." in the context that my boyfriend was sick at the time and the guy said he wished to could take care of him. I confronted him right away. The other guy knew me and my bf were together. After hours of talking, the end result is my bf was embarrassed and understood what he did was wrong. He told the guy they can never speak again, he deleted his phone number, and stopped following him on Instagram. I forgave and we moved on.
Fast forward to December 24. Currently, he is home (in another state) visiting his family. He has his GMail account linked on my tablet. On Christmas Day, I went to switch to my account and I noticed a notification about a password reset to Grindr. (We met on Grindr and we both still had our accounts, we did not delete them entirely.) So I fired up my account and since he was "starred" I saw that he was online just a few minutes before we spoke on the phone. He has been constantly on it and logged in, although I know where he is and who he is with. We text or call each other since he got to where his family lives. His profile was updated that to where he lives. He is looking for Chat, Networking, and Friends, but his status states Single.
I am at a loss. We both have only each other here so we played with the idea that if we needed to make friends that we would turn to Grindr. But since he is away (no need for him to make friends in a place where he already has them and no longer lives in) and did not tell me any of this, I am having a tough time computing this and finding any logical reason.
He could very well be just killing time, looking at pics, chatting since I know he hates it there and isn’t having a good time and just wants to come home. Yes, I know he could very well be "hooking up". But, it's just not who he is. I wholeheartedly feel he is not that type of person. He once found out about his bf cheating on him by going through his phone. He told me the feeling sucked and that he wouldn't hurt anyone in that way. I believe him since I have also been cheated on before and we both know what it feels like. At the beginning of our relationship we agreed to me monogamous. I trust him in general, but this behavior of doing things without telling me is unacceptable.
I know this is long and I appreciate anyone that took the time to read this. Any advice is greatly appreciated. If it matters I am 9 years older than he is. I have more experience with relationships than he does.
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