First Boyfriend...

[Borg69]

Just to recap...

In mere few months you went from a straight guy to a gay bondage club activist, grind'r user, and bagged yourself a boyfriend... not a Fuck buddy. Not a fwb. Not just a hookup... a boyfriend with real, self proclaimed feelings other than lust attached. And gave yourself an updated makeover.

So many people go through their whole lives wishing for the smallest bit of courage to do what you've accomplished.

BRAVO! You're like some gay closet smashing super hero action figure role model.

[reaper]

Just to recap...

In mere few months you went from a straight guy to a gay bondage club activist, grind'r user, and bagged yourself a boyfriend... not a Fuck buddy. Not a fwb. Not just a hookup... a boyfriend with real, self proclaimed feelings other than lust attached. And gave yourself an updated makeover.

So many people go through their whole lives wishing for the smallest bit of courage to do what you've accomplished.

BRAVO! You're like some gay closet smashing super hero action figure role model.

Thanks a lot man, I appreciate that. It has been an ever evolving situation for me, but I've been rolling with the current instead of against it....it makes the ride a lot easier and effortless.

I'll be leaving in a few, I'm taking him to a nice restaurant then hanging at his place and watching Breaking Bad....he's never seen it. How's that possible?? lol.

Maybe later, or tomorrow if I stay over, I'll get a pic of us and post it in here. He's a handsome dude! Plus he's extremely kind and laid back, which is what really makes him attractive to me.

[MikeW]

Utterly awesome! LOL, very happy for you.

There's a whole bunch of stuff on my mind about male/male relationships, the various stages they can go through and all that. But lets *not* anticipate the future. Stick with the present moment, first wading, then swimming and finally surfing in the oceans of love.

[reaper]

Utterly awesome! LOL, very happy for you.

There's a whole bunch of stuff on my mind about male/male relationships, the various stages they can go through and all that. But lets *not* anticipate the future. Stick with the present moment, first wading, then swimming and finally surfing in the oceans of love.

I'm sure you have some great insight into all of these things, but I agree that anticipating the future isn't always wise. For one, it's not really possible to predict what will be, and doing so can pull you from the present moment, the only moment that ever is.

I spent last night at his apartment, and he spent the night before here. It's funny how normal and stress free it all seems to be going. We are 100% ourselves. No one is "trying" to do or be anything. It makes the experience so much more enjoyable.

Our date went really well. I picked a nice place and he really liked it.

Tonight is my club night, but I'm so exhausted from the last few days that I think I will skip it this week for the first time. I can't get 4 hours of sleep then go to work tomorrow. I feel really bad for not going though, like I'm letting down my friends there who will be expecting me.

I said that I would try to get a pic of us and post it, but I forgot. I do have some pics of him though and I'll share them....





He's the one on the left!

[shirogane]

, he's a hunky guy.

[ck86]

Hey [MENTION=21734]reaper[/MENTION]

That's amazing. I'm really happy for you both. It's amazing how quickly things happen but make sure that the pace is going at the rate you are both comfortable with. Don't want to be forcing things.

And he's good looking too. I'm sure you've mentioned this before, is he local to you or some distance away? Can't be that far given the nature of Grindr lol.

All the best.

[reaper]

Hey [MENTION=21734]reaper[/MENTION]

That's amazing. I'm really happy for you both. It's amazing how quickly things happen but make sure that the pace is going at the rate you are both comfortable with. Don't want to be forcing things.

And he's good looking too. I'm sure you've mentioned this before, is he local to you or some distance away? Can't be that far given the nature of Grindr lol.

All the best.

Thanks man, he's close. He lives about 15 minutes away. We have moved pretty fast, but I don't feel like we're rushing or moving to fast. We're just doing what we feel is right. I've had 4 days off of work so we spent a lot of time together just recently.

I don't see either of us going anywhere anytime soon...but things will play out in their own time in their own way.

[MikeW]

Handsome man [MENTION=21734]reaper[/MENTION]! I agree, no foretelling the future (this is a whole philosophical area that interests me a lot).* Best to take things and deal with things as they happen.

I'll just add that I do appreciate you sharing all this with us. I don't know about everyone else, but I don't have much of a social life IRL, so its nice to hear about someone's new beginnings.

As for the club, like I said in a previous reply to you, your feelings about it may change through time. That's only natural. For a time, it was *the* focus of your explorations; now it isn't the only thing you have going for you. How they will balance out is yet to be determined.

*Philosophical side note: I observe that although we can foretell the future in general terms (e.g., the sun will rise tomorrow, and during the day I will do certain things at certain times), the *details* of how it all sorts itself out moment to moment is more of a mystery. In general one day is like the next, we all have our 'habits' and 'routines'. It is only when we look closely at the details that we see how each day, each moment in fact, is unique from all others. Moreover, each moment has an effect on the moment that follows. One rather mystical philosopher pointed out that in a sense, each moment has a range of potential possible outcomes and within this range of possibilities lies our ability to "choose". Ideally we choose in such a way that the *next* moment will have a *greater* range of freedom than the previous moment. For example, if I choose to do something in this moment that can get me locked into a chain of events that reduces my freedom -- breaking the law, for example -- then I've made a bad choice for myself. The worst is to get into a position where we have to say the lines that we often here in theatrical dramas, "I had no choice." There in lies a narrow fate which, indeed, we may choose only to wish we hadn't. But the real trick is learning to *see* what options, what range of freedom, *actually* lies in this moment and can lead to more freedom in the next. ("Freedom," is not to be confused with "irresponsible behavior.")

[reaper]

Handsome man [MENTION=21734]reaper[/MENTION]! I agree, no foretelling the future (this is a whole philosophical area that interests me a lot).* Best to take things and deal with things as they happen.

I'll just add that I do appreciate you sharing all this with us. I don't know about everyone else, but I don't have much of a social life IRL, so its nice to hear about someone's new beginnings.

As for the club, like I said in a previous reply to you, your feelings about it may change through time. That's only natural. For a time, it was *the* focus of your explorations; now it isn't the only thing you have going for you. How they will balance out is yet to be determined.

*Philosophical side note: I observe that although we can foretell the future in general terms (e.g., the sun will rise tomorrow, and during the day I will do certain things at certain times), the *details* of how it all sorts itself out moment to moment is more of a mystery. In general one day is like the next, we all have our 'habits' and 'routines'. It is only when we look closely at the details that we see how each day, each moment in fact, is unique from all others. Moreover, each moment has an effect on the moment that follows. One rather mystical philosopher pointed out that in a sense, each moment has a range of potential possible outcomes and within this range of possibilities lies our ability to "choose". Ideally we choose in such a way that the *next* moment will have a *greater* range of freedom than the previous moment. For example, if I choose to do something in this moment that can get me locked into a chain of events that reduces my freedom -- breaking the law, for example -- then I've made a bad choice for myself. The worst is to get into a position where we have to say the lines that we often here in theatrical dramas, "I had no choice." There in lies a narrow fate which, indeed, we may choose only to wish we hadn't. But the real trick is learning to *see* what options, what range of freedom, *actually* lies in this moment and can lead to more freedom in the next. ("Freedom," is not to be confused with "irresponsible behavior.")

Very interesting, and a very buddhist philosophical perspective. It's very similar to Karma, which doesn't really mean what goes around comes around. Your thoughts, actions, and deeds have a REAL effects on a given situation. It's not about right or wrong, which are obviously based on opinion and differ from person to person. Our energy moves us...it draws you to or away from certain things. I think that if you're grounded in the present, and spiritually aware and open, the universe works with you. If you live in your mind, and only see the human part of you, and not the being part, it's difficult to stay in the moment...the only place real happiness can exist.

This is harder said then done of course. It's difficult not to get carried away by the constant chatter in the mind. But I think when you need to make important decisions, it's better to quiet the mind and tap into the "being" part of what we are. The human part is flawed and temporary.

I'm not sure where I was going with all of this. But this is why I always enjoy your posts. I can tell your thoughts and opinions come from a deeper place!

[MikeW]

[MENTION=21734]reaper[/MENTION] : "This is harder said then done of course." LOL... Some say it is easier said than done but this truth you speak is quite simple, which is not to say easy. There is a gap between what we 'know' (or think we know) and the actualization of that knowledge. As someone who mostly lives up in his head, I know! LOL!!

If anyone is interested in what we're talking about, I'll recommend a book: The Body of Time: And the Energies of Being. Now long out of print, I may be the only person who ever read this book. It's a slim volume and merely a brief introduction into the relationship between "time" and "being" written by a rock-n-roll guitarist (of all things). Still, it is a great introduction. You'll just have to find a used copy from somewhere. Back in the day, I used to buy the book a dozen at a time and hand them out to friends and acquaintances. Enjoy.

ETA the description on Amazon:

We perceive time differently according to our state of being. The analogy of the incomprehensibility of a higher physical dimension to a lower physical dimension (Abbot's "Flatland" novel) suggests a model for dimensions to time and the same relationship between them. The question is - how to access "higher" dimensions of time? The book explores answers and practices relevant to this question.