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01-02-2015, 08:01 PM

Hey guys, hope all is well with y'all. Hope you guys had an awesome new year!

Now for the meat of the post. I've been seeing this guy. We only met last Sunday, but we've pretty much hung out everyday since then. Not once did he pressure for sex. I mean, we made lots of jokes, he said to ask him anything, etc. But he knew that I was a virgin and just wanted to make sure that I didn't have any questions.

So yesterday, we hung at his aunt's house. They are out of town. We were bored. I think you what happned.

We just started off kissing and just having fun. You know, just like having a tickle fight and shit like that. When we finally got to the really fun stuff, I was ready. I was more than ready actually. So at the beginning I was fine. Then he started doing oral and that kinda stuff. This is were the problem began.

We must have spent at least 30 minutes just sitting there, but I just couldn't get off. And not only was I nervous because he was hot and it was my firstime, but by then I was getting nervous because nothing was happening. I finally told him that I felt bad about making him do it that long and he asked what would help but there wasnt anything.

Is it normal not to actually get off your first time? I think it was mixture of nerves, not being use to that sort of sensation, and just....idk.

I feel bad asking you guys these lame ass questions, but I feel like, who else better to ask? Thanks in advanced you guys. Herz

Bhp91126 · 01-02-2015, 09:03 PM

Don't panic!

I assume that you masturbate? Could it be that you are using a "death grip" to get off? Like squeeze really hard? No mouth (or ass) can replicate that pressure. You need to retrain your penis to respond to lighter stimulation.

Stop the choke-hold immediately. Masturbate with a lighter grip. If you can't come that way, you don't get to come! Don't finish yourself off with that tight grip anymore. With time and patience you will be able to come from 'normal' friction.

Also, the orgasm isn't the be all, end all of great sex! You can have lots of fun without it, don't see it as the only valid proof that you or the other guy had fun. If you are participating enthusiasticly that should be proof enough.

01-02-2015, 09:59 PM

Yes, I do. That's one of the issues that I think caused it. I was so use to a certain way of doing things and he did things differently. Don't get wrong, it felt awesome, just not enough to..well you know. I'll definitely try to correct that "death grip." Lol. Thanks Bhp.

And since for some reason I can't edit my post, I DID NOT MEAN THE "VERY DISSAPOINTED" AS BY SAYING HE WASN'T GOOD. I meant it more like, I was angry at myself for being so lame. It was in no way his fault. I just wanted to clear that up. Lol

01-02-2015, 10:04 PM

It sounds very normal.

I remember a similar story on the forum from not too long ago. The first time is a bumpy ride for all of us and the new feelings make it harder to get off.
You don't have to get off during sex though. Just enjoy the act and work on getting off. If he can't get you off, then you can always get yourself off while he bites your nipple or feeds you his member (or whatever), right? Either way, my point is that sex isn't a recipe to be followed to the letter. You're free to do as you please and sometimes the end result isn't what you had hoped or imagined.

MikeW · 01-02-2015, 10:31 PM

I agree, it sounds very normal.

IMO, sex shouldn't be all about getting off -- or even getting the other guy off. It should be about sharing, pleasuring, enjoying the various sensations. It is very common for guys to end up, after some time of pleasuring one another, jerking *themselves* off to get to climax. This is especially true when you're with someone you haven't been sexual with before.

Obviously there are lots of variables but my experience is it takes time to learn HOW to get someone else off -- and conversely -- to learn how to *let* someone else get ME off. This is why it is soooo nice to have a regular partner. You both get to know what works for the other and discover new ways as you go along.

01-02-2015, 10:33 PM

Don't feel bad, I've only been with a couple of guys that could get me off by oral sex. Some guys just can't get the suction part right, simply bobbing up and down on it isn't enough for me. Maybe next time take his hand and put it "down there", and tell him you'd like him to jerk you off.

meridannight · 01-02-2015, 11:53 PM

SHOman93 Wrote:And since for some reason I can't edit my post, I DID NOT MEAN THE "VERY DISSAPOINTED" AS BY SAYING HE WASN'T GOOD. I meant it more like, I was angry at myself for being so lame. It was in no way his fault. I just wanted to clear that up. Lol

nobody was lame. neither you or him. don't feel ashamed or bad about sex, not cumming, not doing it a certain way, or not knowing what to do any given moment of time. you're young, it was your first time. you can't be expected to know everything. you learn as you go.

sex is one of the most natural, powerful, and beautiful expressions of human behavior. feeling bad/angry/shameful/negative about it does not belong among the reactions to feel about it. enjoy the moment, learn, communicate with your partner, and don't beat yourself up.

01-03-2015, 12:03 AM

Cuddly, Thanks for the advice. At the beginning, it was amazing. The making out, the little games. But once the actual sex started, my "performance anxiety" just totally took over. Am i sitting right, do I look him in the eyes, just shit like that.

Mike, I always value your responses so much because you just seem so wise. He really tired to make it as comfortable as possible. I just felt like shit, making him work so hard for nothing. It comes down to the fact that I truly did not know what to expect or do. Watching porn does not prepare you for anything that you might encounter. I've definitely found that out by myself. Thanks again for you advice.
P.S. I read the post in your signature. Eye opening is the best way I could explain my response.

Pcola, he actually said at the end "Well, I gave you a bj, but I was a shitty one though." I honestly have no way to judge that. It didn't suck (pun intented) and I think it was pretty good. But maybe it's just not my cup of tea. Thanks for the insight!

01-03-2015, 12:07 AM

Sounds really normal and it's nothing to worry about. I have limited experience myself and so far me and my very new bf have been sticking with oral. I haven't gotten off by that alone except for once with him and him by me. After a while we just stroke each other or we lay there and do it to ourselves. So don't sweat it. It's all about the ride...not the destination.

01-03-2015, 12:19 AM

Totally normal. It's new and different and maybe even a little scary. Your nervous as hell yeah? That's a lot of pressure to put your dick under and still expect it to perform at top form. Smile

I think you'll find with some time and practice and more practice that as things become more comfortable and familiar it won't be a problem yeah?

In the mean time, just enjoy each other.