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More Boyfriend Trouble
#1
Hi it's me again. Well there's another issue with my boyfriend.We went to a friend of mine's house on New Years day and we left after midnight so he asked if he could stay over and I said yes.Now if you remember awhile back I was sceived out because of his smell and I had a talk with him about it the night before Thanksgiving and he said he would take care of it.But he still dresses with his shirt tail hanging out sloppily and on new years I asked him to wear the nice sweater I gave him for Christmas over to my friend's house. Well he didn't and I asked him why and he said he was in a hurry and forgot. So the next day we hung out and that night before he left he asked me when we were gonna get more intimate and I told him that I wanted to get preparations{Condoms} and talked about what we like to do.I stressed the fact that I wanted the first time to be special.He agreed.So that night when he left I said I would see him Sunday for church as usual and he agreed.

So when Sunday came he didn't show up so I called his cell and left a message.When I got home from church there were no messages and I called again and left a messge that I was concerned about what happened.So an hour and a half later my phone rang and his name came up on the caller id.When I picked up to say hello I heard a hang up.So I called back and got voice mail again.Then later on I tried again and I heard a pickup but no voice and when I said hello I heard another hang up.I couldn't understand what the hell was going on.So the next day I called and got voicemail and told him I was worried about him.A little while later he finally called and when I asked him what happened he said he didn't know.I took a while for me to drag it out of him and he said that he was upset because everytime he talks about getting intimate he feels like i'm putting him off.I explained to him that I wanted to make sure we were ready and make preparations.I also asked him if he phoned me the day before and he said "Maybe"I guess that hang up was him losing his nerve.He said when he's upset he can't talk about it.Also the other times he said he loves me but yet he thinks nothing of making me worry a whole day.

I told him if he called me the day before and discussed it with me we could have nipped it in the bud and avoided all that anguish.He promised me he would do that from now on.Also I have to be honest.I'm trying to clean him up before I have sex with him.His grooming isn't the greatest.His house and car are messy and yes I did notice an odor in church 2 or 3 Sundays ago even after our talk.He doesn't get the message.I know that if he cleaned up his act and smelled like aftershave I could probably get aroused.If the situation were in reverse and he told me this I would definitely clean up my act.I might have to get blunt with him again and tell him I'm turned off by his slovenly ways.The reason I hang in there is because he has treated me good and taken me places and I would feel terrible if I broke his heart but he doesn't seem to get the message.I know he takes medication for anxiety and depression so I don't know if that has anything to do with it.

Also since we had that discussion on Monday and he said he would comply I haven't heard from him on Tuesday or today.I wonder if he's mad or ashamed.Maybe i'll call him tomorrow to see how he is. Do you guys see my point.By giving me the silent treatment on Sunday he was acting like a high school kid not a 62 year old man.
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#2
Take a shower together. Problem solved.
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#3
I'm sorry but..... why are you even dating someone who has a hygene problem so damned bad you can -smell- it in church?? Seriously? There is -so- much nasty crap that can come from screwing someone like that, and fungal infections are the least of it.

(Sorry, but that's a bit on the disgusting side for me.... and obviously for you too since you hint at not being able to get it up because of how he smells.)

In your place, if I was determined to keep him? I'd be laying down the law. You shower EVERY DAY with SOAP and shampoo. You wear your clothes NO MORE than TWICE before laundering them... with SOAP, in a WASHING MACHINE.

If you're determined to keep him? Don't skirt the issues. Pull him aside and teach him what he needs to know and then put it to him in a way that makes damned sure he knows it's not optional.
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#4
Perhaps I am way off base here, but is there more too it when you say his grooming needs improvement than just body odor? I noticed that you said you were bothered by an untucked shirt-tail. Now, I am of the opinion that, if someone has bad body odor, then that is a definitive deal-breaker concerning sex....at the very LEAST until he showers and cleans throughly (if not a complete relationship breaker, because I simply am not attracted to a person who's natural body odor is repugnent to me). However, if this is a situation (and I have seen them before) where one partner wants to take the other and "brush the dust off of him, polish him up, and make him presentable", then I do not see this working out well. At all.
~Beaux
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#5
Really?

I mean.

Really?

Why are you bothering? For heaven's sakes. Is he the last man on earth or something?

And what advice are you looking for exactly? This seems to be again more about the drama of the situation instead of looking at the problem before you and dealing with it like a rational adult.

Drop him. Move on. You aren't his trainer.
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#6
Well he hasn't called me since Monday.I tried calling his cell this afternoon and I haven't heard from him yet.I think he's truly upset because he wants some nooky. If he's gonna act like a baby I don't give a shit anymore.Maybe I could find a guy with better hygiene.He has the nerve to take an attitude with me.
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#7
He's a 62 year old man who's taking anxiety & depression medication. He's also unhygienic and unreliable . Your not going to be able to change someone like this. Not only is he set-in-his-ways,,, but his anxiety & depression is may be the culprit for his being unreliable & slovenly.

This doesn't mean that you should give up on him, but it does mean that you will have to work harder and be more tactful to get this relationship working properly.

1. Taking a bath/shower before having sex will be mandatory, with extra emphasis applied to cleaning the private sections.
2. You will have to insure he dresses appropriately & is clean. Which means you will have to stop by his place at least an hour before you go out together.
3. It will be your job to keep the home clean & tidy, plus doing the laundry - provided you two eventually move in together.
4. If you want him to have a clean car,,, you'll have to do the cleaning yourself....

If you think you two have a shot at having a relationship together, you will have to accept him as he is, and do your best to find workarounds for those things that you find annoying.

My husband is a wonderful, loveable guy who everyone likes. But,,,,, I have to buy him new clothes every year because he would be completely happy wearing clothes with holes in them to a fine restaurant!!! I also have to clean his car or it would become cluttered & dirty!!!! The house would be dirty and cluttered if I didn't do the cleaning and find drawers & closet space to hide all his tag-sale finds........... And yes, I do the laundry too!!! Shoot,,, I remember one time many years ago when he had just stepped out of the shower and his crotch still smelled!!!!! (He must have been in a hurry for desert that day!!)

In other words, take him the way he is,, or drop him and find someone else...

Sincerely,
Jim
We Have Elvis !!
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