Boyfriend and Bondage Club

[reaper]

Great news!

I talked to him this morning, about 20 minutes ago, about the club situation. I was very honest.

I told him the OPEN stance I began with was only about the club, not hooking up with randoms.

I told him that the place was a sex club (which he knew) and that even though I don't actually have sex, it's very sexual there....and I'm very sexual there.

I told him that some guy wanted me to have sex w/him last week and I didn't. I told him that I have given oral there a few times, but that's not something I do now. I also mentioned that bottoms do blow me sometimes, not to the point of completion, but during scenes that is sometimes a part of it.

He was fine with this. He was worried when I started that I was maybe breaking up, or making some distance between us. He asked if I still wanted us to be together and I said I did, but the club had become an issue to me. I told him I was planning on not going, but that I didn't really want to give it up.

His first response, or what he said he got from me bringing this stuff up, was that I really cared about him. That I could have just done my thing there, guilt free, and never mentioned it to him. He liked that I felt guilty and brought it to his attention.

He also said that he assumed more took place there then whippings.

So he's good with me going to the club, as long as I keep him satisfied. He doesn't want me to have actual sex there which I told him I haven't and wouldn't. I told him the 2 guys there that I play with regularly I don't have sex with, or even oral sex with, but that our relationships are sexual in nature.

Honesty seems to go a long way. It seems like I'll be able to have my cake and eat it too!! lol.

I'm glad I took the advice of bringing this up. I didn't really plan on it. I was probably going to stop going to the club cold turkey and not be happy doing it, but doing it because I felt like it was the right thing to do.

Someone pointed out contradictions in some the of the things I said so I'll explain it better. When I said I'm not sexual with the 2 guys I play with, but then was talking about getting oral....this has always been from bottoms that me and my bondage buddy are playing with. We have not done this with each other.

Someone also pointed out that I called my bondage friend my partner....I did this because in the past I constantly referred to him as my bondage buddy and someone said it was just easier to refer to him as my partner....my bondage partner. But in light of this thread I see how it looks bad.

Thanks for the advice. More than once this place has provided me with good advice and options that have worked out for me!

[MikeW]

Great news! ...

Honesty seems to go a long way. ...

And THAT my fair friend, is the lesson.

[Camfer]

The real lesson here is not to assume you know what someone else thinks. That's why you had to talk to your BF to give him the chance to express his feelings on the topic. Glad it went well!

[Gideon]

That's awesome, man.

I'd suggest keeping the communication open and flowing, so you know if something changes, yeah?

And I still think that inviting him along is a good idea for you and the relationship. Even if he's not interested, at least he would know he's -welcome- and that you want him there.

Good luck to you

[princealbertofb]

Great news!

I talked to him this morning, about 20 minutes ago, about the club situation. I was very honest.

I told him the OPEN stance I began with was only about the club, not hooking up with randoms.

I told him that the place was a sex club (which he knew) and that even though I don't actually have sex, it's very sexual there....and I'm very sexual there.

I told him that some guy wanted me to have sex w/him last week and I didn't. I told him that I have given oral there a few times, but that's not something I do now. I also mentioned that bottoms do blow me sometimes, not to the point of completion, but during scenes that is sometimes a part of it.

He was fine with this. He was worried when I started that I was maybe breaking up, or making some distance between us. He asked if I still wanted us to be together and I said I did, but the club had become an issue to me. I told him I was planning on not going, but that I didn't really want to give it up.

His first response, or what he said he got from me bringing this stuff up, was that I really cared about him. That I could have just done my thing there, guilt free, and never mentioned it to him. He liked that I felt guilty and brought it to his attention.

He also said that he assumed more took place there then whippings.

So he's good with me going to the club, as long as I keep him satisfied. He doesn't want me to have actual sex there which I told him I haven't and wouldn't. I told him the 2 guys there that I play with regularly I don't have sex with, or even oral sex with, but that our relationships are sexual in nature.

Honesty seems to go a long way. It seems like I'll be able to have my cake and eat it too!! lol.

I'm glad I took the advice of bringing this up. I didn't really plan on it. I was probably going to stop going to the club cold turkey and not be happy doing it, but doing it because I felt like it was the right thing to do.

Someone pointed out contradictions in some the of the things I said so I'll explain it better. When I said I'm not sexual with the 2 guys I play with, but then was talking about getting oral....this has always been from bottoms that me and my bondage buddy are playing with. We have not done this with each other.

Someone also pointed out that I called my bondage friend my partner....I did this because in the past I constantly referred to him as my bondage buddy and someone said it was just easier to refer to him as my partner....my bondage partner. But in light of this thread I see how it looks bad.

Thanks for the advice. More than once this place has provided me with good advice and options that have worked out for me!

There you have it! Reaper, so glad your honesty has made your relationship stronger and better grounded. You really needed to have that talk, and I'm glad it went well for you. You see, your boyfriend is no monster.